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What’s Your Love Language?

love language

Dr. Gary Chapman coined the term love language to express how we express and receive love. But the love languages aren’t just for romance! You can use the love languages to appreciate people in business, to support friends and to show a partner you care. Let’s go through the 5 and see which one sounds like you:

Which one of these speaks to the way you feel cared for or like to show you appreciate someone:

1) Quality Time

Quality time is about spending time together enjoying each other’s company.

People who need quality time crave alone time with their loved one, want to catch up with them by having time alone where they can talk and bond.

You need alone time if you find yourself constantly desiring to be with someone and not just hear from them or write to them.  You do not feel satisfied or happy until you can be with the person or people you love.

2) Physical Touch

Physical touch is showing love through hugging, cuddling, being intimate or simply putting a caring hand on someone’s shoulder.

People who need physical touch want you to hug them, they want cuddle time and always show “PDA” or public displays of affection to feel that you love them and to demonstrate their love for those they care about.

You need physical touch if you feel lonely and lost if you have not been physically near a loved one.  You constantly crave to be close to those you care about and demonstrate your love for them with hugs, massages and even sitting close to others.

3) Gifts

The love language gifts does not have to be large or extravagantly expensive gifts, it can be notes, CD’s, flowers or leaving a pastry.  These small gifts are tokens of love to the giver or receiver.

People who need gifts feel validated when you spend money and/or time picking something out for them.  Often times, the saying, ‘it is the thought that counts’ really applies here.

You need gifts if you think or wait anxiously for holidays or birthdays to see what your loved ones might get you.  Gifts are usually a big test in relationships for people who speak the gift love language.

4) Acts of Service

Acts of service are acts of love when someone does an action for the other.  This can be cleaning, cooking, driving or even doing an errand.  By doing that act of service the other person feels love or is showing their love.

People who need acts of service will sometimes ask their loved ones for favors or errands not because it is easier, but rather because they need the affirmation of the other person’s love.

You need acts of service if you feel unwanted or unimportant if someone does not follow through on a promise or do something that you ask.

5) Words of Affirmation

Words of affirmation are verbal clues for others to express how much they love and care about someone.  Words of affirmation can also be compliments and reassurances that confirm inner love in an outer way.

People who need words of affirmation need to hear from the people they love frequently and need to hear, out loud what the other person is thinking to feel loved.

You need words of affirmation if you find yourself constantly needing to hear from your loved one to get reassurance from them.  People who want words of affirmation might also fish for compliments because this is the way they feel most loved.

Typically people have one main love language and one secondary one. It is important to know these so you can ask for what you need and show your partners, friends and colleagues appreciation in the way they like to receive it.

Still not sure which love language is yours? Take our quiz to find out!

Want to dig deeper into the science of love languages? Check out our book Captivate!

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All Rights Reserved + COPYRIGHT 2014 Science of People, LLC

About Vanessa Van Edwards

Vanessa Van Edwards is a published author and behavioral investigator. She is a Huffington Post columnist and her courses and research has been featured on CNN, Forbes, Business Week and the Wall Street Journal. As a published Penguin author, Vanessa regularly speaks and appears in the media to talk about her research. She is a sought after consultant and speaker.


  1. Fel

    So useful! And it’s always interesting how couples manage this, especially if their languages are different. I know I’ll get fed up about something, and then realize that’s just the man’s way of receiving love. Great video

  2. Kate

    I love this one. I’m going to share it with my family and see what they respond to the most. I can’t wait to apply this frequency towards my work and social relationships too. Thanks Vanessa!

    1. Danielle McRae

      Thank you for reading, Kate! What love language do you identify most with?

      Danielle | Science of People Team

  3. Robby Smith

    I highly recommend everybody to read Gary Chapman’s “5 Love Languages” book, whether you are married or single, anyone can learn how to identify & best express the love language of their friends, co-workers, dating partner or spouse. My primary language is Words of Affirmation, and secondary is Quality Time 🙂

  4. Drishti Narang

    I’m definitely sharing this with friends and family so I can determine who they are in terms of love languages

  5. Abby

    Thanks Vanessa for very valuable lessons. Somehow if we can just apply all of these points in our interpersonal relations, it will certainly enhance those relationships. We all need some of that at different times in our lives.

    1. Danielle McRae

      So very true, Abby. Simply being aware that we all have specific needs is the first step to connection success.

      Danielle | Science of People Team

  6. Bella Perennis

    It’s good to know your and other peoples body language. People sometimes think I’m weird for inviting them for one on one time, but when I tell them that it’s because this is when I feel most connected they can understand. So knowing the concepts of love languages can not only make it easier to give other people what they need but to communicate and ask for what you need.

  7. Liam Hayes

    Quiet interesting. I’m very surprised by the receiving gifts category. It’s interesting that some people would like to receive gifts more than spending quality time with that person.

  8. Pingback: The 5 Love Languages (a cure for everyone who doesn’t understand love) | TheEccentricConsultant

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