I'll show you how

In the 1920’s Edward Thorndike wrote about multiple intelligences. One particular intelligence was called “Interpersonal Intelligence” also known as social intelligence. I have also written about this phenomenon as Social Literacy. Daniel Goleman has spearheaded much of the social intelligence research and application in his book “Social Intelligence: The New Science of Social Relationships.”

What Is Social Intelligence?

Social Intelligence (also Social Literacy) is a person’s ability to interact, maintain and build relationships with others.

Why Is Social Intelligence Important?

Teaching social literacy involves developing and identifying communication and social skills, as well as showing how to effectively and purposefully mediate interactions with family members, friends and colleagues in the personal or business environment. Social literacy is important on a number of different levels. First, as we become more and more technologically savvy, we interact with each other less and less. Social literacy helps prevent against bullying as young people learn to express themselves correctly, handle friendship miscommunications and interact in person, not just through their devices. Second, social literacy can help with family communication in the home. Teaching family members how to read their each other and ask for what they need can bring harmony into the home. Lastly, as young people enter adulthood, social literacy becomes essential in job interviews, in adult relationships and in almost every career.

We are spending less time with our peers. Instead, we interact through text, email, chat or social networks. Because of this, we must teach ourselves how to have social intelligence and social skills.

One of my most popular talks is on emotional and social intelligence. Here are the principles I teach.

These are concepts I have pulled together from a variety of the best resources on Social Intelligence.

  • Mindsight: Recognizing our own internal feelings and perspective. This is also called self-talk. Mindsight helps a person understand how they feel in a certain situation or on a particular issue.
  • Perceiving Emotions: This is the ability to detect and decipher emotions of others in social situations through facial expressions, pictures, voices, and cultural symbols.
  • Relationship Management: This is the ability to inspire, influence, and interact with others. This is an essential part of social intelligence for parents and teens. For teens, in incidents with bullying or issues with parents, they have to be able to effectively handle problems without creating conflict. Parents also have to successfully approach and navigate with surly or overly-dramatic teens using social intelligence skills.
  • Confrontation-management: Once a person is in conflict, social skills involve being able to control or make proper decisions based on their mindsight or perceived emotions. With strong social skills, one has the ability to use intuition or gut feelings to guide decisions. For young people especially, it involves controlling one’s emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances of their environment.
  • Connectedness Gauge: We have social relationships in part to feel connected to others. Some need this more than others. Being able to properly gauge how much connection one needs to feel content, or who and how to have that deep social connection is a social skill that many teens have yet to figure out.

Luckily, social intelligence is absolutely a skill that can be taught. However, social skills, even more than emotional intelligence is more in jeopardy because of the increasing use of technology to engage in social interactions.

Want to dig a little deeper into the Science of Social Intelligence? Check out our latest book Captivate!

Book Descriptioncaptivate, captivate book, vanessa van edwards

Do you wish you could decode people? Do you want a formula for charisma? Do you want to know exactly what to say to your boss, your date or your networking partner? You need to know how people work.

As a human behavior investigator, Vanessa Van Edwards studies the hidden forces that drive our behavior patterns in her lab—and she’s cracked the code. In Captivate she shares a wealth of valuable shortcuts, systems and behavior hacks for taking charge of their interactions at work, at home, and in any social situation. These aren’t the people skills you learned in school. This is the first comprehensive, science backed, real life manual on human behavior and a completely new approach to building connections.

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Social Intelligence, John Kihlstrom and Nancy Cantor, in R.J. Sternberg (Ed.), Handbook of intelligence, 2nd ed. (pp. 359–379). Cambridge, U.K.: Cambridge University Press.

Goleman, Daniel. Social Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (2006) Bantam Books.

Thorndike, E. L. (1920). “Intelligence and its uses”. Harper’s Magazine 140: 227–235.

All Rights Reserved + COPYRIGHT 2011 Science of People, LLC

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