13 Useful Techniques to Be Calm (That Actually Work)

Do you ever find yourself swearing wrathfully at another car in traffic? Or do you sometimes feel anxious in emotional conversations with your partner? Or have you ever felt like life was hopeless? If you resonate with any of these signs of negative emotions, you have lots of company. Everyone feels negative emotions, but there are ways to navigate the storm of emotions when trouble calls.

If you’d like support with your troubling emotions, we will go over the topic in detail and provide tips to learn to relate to your emotions healthily.

What is Calmness?

At its essence, calmness is a physiological and psychological state that all people can achieve, characterized by a sense of peace and tranquility. Calmness can be felt as feelings of serenity and lack of agitation.

There’s immense value in experiencing calmness. It’s a part of what enriches our human experience! Many individuals strive to access a state of calm, which can lead to better decision-making, improved relationships, and a greater sense of empowerment.

If you naturally incline toward calmness, that’s wonderful! However, if maintaining calmness seems challenging, you might want to explore different strategies to cultivate a tranquil mindset.

What many don’t realize is that often, calmness is a choice and skill that can be developed over time.

Calmness becomes a sanctuary for many people when they might otherwise feel overwhelmed, anxious, or disconcerted.

Embracing calmness can be particularly transformative in cultures that prize constant activity and alertness. In such environments, showing vulnerability by opting for peace over chaos might seem unconventional, but it actually empowers you to navigate life with resilience and grace.

If you need professional support

We are honored to help you navigate your relationship with your emotions. Please note that all content found on this website is not to be considered professional medical advice. 

You can find a therapist specializing in handling your emotions on Psychology Today.

Why It’s Important to Manage Emotions Effectively

If your negative emotions come out of you too often without your permission, you might encounter some of the following challenges.

Relationship challenges

While it’s vital to express emotions in a relationship, part of good communication is the ability to express yourself in a way that your partner can receive. Some amount of fighting is actually healthy for a relationship^{1https://www.cnn.com/2022/04/18/health/fighting-fair-love-wellness/index.html#:~:text=%E2%80%9CAvoiding%20conflict%20does%20not%20work,%2C%20then%20that’s%20really%20healthy.%E2%80%9D}. Still, if your negative emotions are seeping out too often, it can create unnecessary conflict and instill either fear or defensiveness in your partner.

One sign that you may benefit from being calmer is if your negative emotions create a wedge between you and your partner or if fights are overtaking your relationship.

Work difficulties

Working with other people comes with some inherent frustration, anxiety, and disorder. So experiencing some negative emotions in the workplace is normal.

But if you experience fear, upset, or anger too readily at work, you may be unable to receive feedback or successfully collaborate with colleagues of differing opinions. For example, if you lash out too often, you might develop a reputation as someone challenging to work with, which could limit your opportunities for career growth.

Poor decision-making

Negative emotions put a filter on how we see the world and make decisions. When you feel a negative emotion such as anger, and something goes wrong, you are more likely to attribute blame to an individual^{2https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/jenniferlerner/files/fuel_in_the_fire_how_anger_impacts_judgment_and_decision_making_0.pdf} (whereas if you feel sad, you’ll more likely attribute blame to situational factors). 

If your emotions run the show too often, you might find that you send emails you wish you didn’t make, share social media posts that cause harm, spend money you don’t have, drive recklessly, yell at your kids, or even quit a job that you aren’t ready to leave yet.

A classic example of emotion-filled decision-making is “ragequitting^{3https://www.betterup.com/blog/rage-quitting#:~:text=cooler%20head%20prevail.-,What%20is%20rage%20quitting%3F,the%20customary%20two%20weeks’%20notice.},” when you leave a situation prematurely and spitefully because you are mad, upset, or feel vulnerable. 

Calmness and genetics

Your personal relationship with peace

Like all emotional states, calmness is personal. Each individual has their unique history and set of triggers that might either facilitate or disrupt their ability to remain calm.

Depending on your personal history, including childhood experiences, relationships with authority figures, and boundary settings, you might find particular situations more conducive to maintaining calmness.

Your relationship with calmness will also depend on the emotional environment in which you were raised. If your caretakers were typically calm and composed, you might naturally incline towards calmness, or perhaps you’ve had to learn it as a skill to cope with chaos.

You may also be more naturally inclined toward calmness because of your genetics or if you have a psychiatric condition that affects your emotional states.

Like all aspects of your personality, your propensity for calmness is shaped by a combination of nature and nurture.

But while your calmness is personal, certain environments and practices are likely to foster calmness for most people.

Calmness at a boundary violation

Famous physician Gabor Mate suggests that emotions link to our immune system. The immune system’s job is to let in what is good for us and to reject what is bad.

Negativity will arise if someone encroaches on you, either physically or emotionally. Dr. Mate suggests that when you suppress your negative emotions, you suppress your immune system, which can lead to autoimmune disease, neurological diseases like ALS, and even cancer.

If you’d like to see how other mammals express negativity at a boundary violation, check out this mother bear protecting its cubs from a larger male bear!

(1:18-1:49) 

If you’d like help setting and achieving your goals, you can check out this course.

Negative emotions when your expectations don’t get met

When you expect something to happen^{4https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/expectation-trap-how-wanting-is-making-you-angry-0707154}, and it doesn’t, the response might be negative emotions like anger. Maybe you expected the train to come on time, and it didn’t. Or you expected your coworker to finish their assignment on time, but they didn’t. Or you always expected to feel healthy, and then you got sick.

Having expectations is a natural part of life. And having unmet expectations is an inevitability that can bring about negativity.

Techniques for Cultivating Calm (While In The Moment)

Now that you know what not to do, let’s go over how to relate to your negative emotions when they comes up.

Create a Calmness Cultivation Plan

If you find maintaining your composure challenging, drafting a plan to cultivate calmness can be incredibly advantageous. Keep this plan accessible, perhaps in a small journal or a note on your phone. Then, when you encounter stressful situations, refer to your plan.

It might feel awkward or forced initially, but the reality is that this strategy will lead to more thoughtful decisions and a more harmonious relationship with your emotions.

For example:

Feel free to include any tips from following list in your plan.

Identify Your Calmness Level

When you feel agitation rising, the first step is to recognize and acknowledge it within yourself as quickly as possible. Once you’ve acknowledged your state, you have a choice about how to restore your calmness.

If you’re with someone you trust and can communicate openly with, like a partner or friend, consider sharing, “I notice I’m feeling unsettled right now.”

It’s also helpful to gauge how calm or agitated you are. You can use this calmness meter and score yourself from 1-10, with 1 being very agitated and 10 being completely calm.

If you decide to discuss your feelings with the other person, aim to use “I” statements to express your needs and feelings while avoiding placing blame or responsibility on them. This can help maintain a peaceful interaction and facilitate understanding.

Assess if Your Calmness is Constructive or Passive

No matter the cause of your stress or agitation, your response is valid and highlights something significant within you.

However, determining whether your calmness is constructive at the moment is beneficial.

Constructive calmness means that your tranquility is aiding in:

• Promoting Understanding: You’re maintaining peace to better understand the situation or the other person’s perspective.
• Facilitating Resolution: Your calmness is helping to resolve a conflict or problem effectively.

If either of these is the case, then your calmness is serving a positive role, and you can continue to act in this manner. As some experts suggest, effective calmness is in the moment. It helps you to think clearly and then dissipates when no longer needed.

A simple question to ask yourself is: does my calmness lead to resolution or avoidance? Constructive calmness typically leads to resolution, while passive calmness may lean towards avoidance.

Be aware that sometimes, what feels like constructive calmness may actually be passivity or avoidance. For example, if you’re avoiding an important conversation because it makes you anxious, you might feel calm in the moment, but the underlying issue remains unresolved.

If your calmness isn’t actively contributing to understanding or resolution, it’s time to explore your feelings further.

If your calmness does feel constructive, see if you can identify what it’s facilitating. Are you better able to listen and understand? Are you finding a peaceful solution to a problem? If it’s challenging to maintain calmness, you can draw on this peacefulness as a strength to navigate difficult situations.

It’s usually best to use your calmness as a tool for thoughtful action. Remember to focus on resolution and understanding. With the right approach, calmness can be a powerful force for positive change.

Process the Negative Emotion

If possible, take a moment to fully experience your negative emotion.

Dr. Mate recommends the RAIN method, devised by Tara Brach, for navigating these moments:

• Recognize what is happening
• Ah, I am experiencing fear right now
• Allow the experience to be there, just as it is
• I won’t push my fear down; I will let it be
• Investigate with interest and care

What does the fear feel like in my body? Is this fear covering up another feeling, like hurt or sadness? 

• Nurture with self-compassion

Whatever memories or feelings come up, I’ll try to hold them gently

Just notice what you notice and let your fear naturally evolve.

If you’re struggling to slow down this much, try one of the next techniques.

Ask yourself if you have an unmet need

Your negative emotions may be arising in response to an unmet need^{5https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/needs-inventory}. 

You can ask yourself, “Is there something I need right now to feel safe, calm, or balanced?”

You may need to feel understood, experience time-spaciousness, or feel independent. When you zero in on the need, you can resolve the situation by meeting that need.

Actively empathize

Maybe the previous techniques aren’t helping you gain insight into your feelings, and you’d just like to dispel it as soon as possible. Then it’s time to go to empathy.

When you are feeling negative, your mind will fall into specific ways of thinking^{6https://ideas.ted.com/heres-what-your-anger-is-telling-you-and-how-you-can-talk-back/}. Your thoughts will likely orient towards blaming another person, turning the situation into a catastrophe, insulting the other person, entitlement, or assuming malintent. 

One way to stop this chain reaction of thoughts is to introduce a new type of thought. Psychology professor Dr. Ryan Martin recommends adaptive thoughts^{6https://ideas.ted.com/heres-what-your-anger-is-telling-you-and-how-you-can-talk-back/}, which are thoughts that see the situation realistically and diffuse your negativity. 

To adopt adaptive thinking, simply create a thought that assumes positive or neutral intent from the other person/party involved.

If you got stuck behind a slow driver and missed the green light, you could think, “They likely aren’t in a rush and don’t realize that I’m in a rush.”

If you come home to a kitchen full of dishes from your roommate, you could think, “They probably forgot to clean the dishes because they were having so much fun and didn’t mean any harm.”

By actively entering into an empathy-driven thought pattern, you can diffuse your negativity right then and there.

Use humor to reframe

Humor can be a powerful tool to change how you feel about the situation and tap into the wisdom^{7https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29188547/} that comes from a depersonalized perspective.

If you notice yourself starting to bubble with anger, for example, see if you can see the situation in a humorous light. What would the premise be if someone were to make a comedy sketch about what was happening?

If you can laugh at your situation, you might be able to find some perspective and pop yourself out of the rage escalation.

Pro Tip: Record a TikTok video (but don’t post it!) of you caricaturing yourself for your angry reaction.

Check out comedian Bill Burr make fun of his anger here.

[1:17-2:05] Note: This clip might be too vulgar for younger audiences.

Reality check yourself

Negative emotions can skew your perception of what’s happening and how important the event is. Try this simple question to see if you can snap out of your mind, re-engage your rational thinking, and find a greater perspective.

“How important is this event in the grand scheme of things?”

If none of these options are helping you to calm down, and your emotions are still rampant, you still have a great last option.

Call a timeout

If you are with other people and can’t seem to control your emotions, the most responsible thing might be to pause and step away. 

Once you get space from the situation, you can collect yourself with some of the following tools or simply return to the conversation another time when you have your composure.

Relaxation techniques

Certain relaxation techniques^{8https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK513238/} can slow your heart rate, deepen your breath, calm your body, and reduce stress.

Once you’ve taken a pause, try any of these techniques.

Box breathing

This is a technique that Navy seals use to calm their nerves. You simply do the following:

• Breathe in for four counts
• Hold your breath for four counts
• Breath out for four counts
• Hold your breath for four counts

Repeat that four times, and you should feel much calmer.

You can watch ex-Navy Seal Chadd Wright talk about the technique here.

Watch our video below to hear Vanessa teach you how to calm your nerves with box breathing:

Double inhale, long exhale

This is a breathing technique that calms your heart rate, and it’s something that both humans and dogs do while asleep. 

You take a double inhale and then release a long, extended exhale.

Try ten of these breaths when angry, and you’ll likely calm down.

You can watch Andrew Huberman describe this breathing technique here.

Visualize a calming scene

Close your eyes, and picture the most soothing scene you can imagine. It could be a memory or something you make up. Maybe you’re sitting on a beach, in a hammock in the forest, or in a mountain hot spring with a pack of macaws.

To enhance the vividness of this visualization^{8https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK513238/} and increase relaxation, activate each of your five senses.

What do you see? Pink monkey faces, hot steam, swirling ripples of water

What do you hear? Water gently flowing into the pool from a mountain stream

What do you feel? Cool air on your face, slippery rocks under your feet

What do you smell? Spring flowers, monkey fur

What do you taste? Salt in the air

Do this exercise as long as you’d like, and let the calm in.

Progressive muscle relaxation

One last technique you can use is called progressive muscle relaxation^{8https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK513238/}.

Sit or lie down and close your eyes. Place your attention on your feet. Tense and clench your feet as hard as possible for five seconds, then relax your feet completely for 10 seconds, letting go of all tension.

Repeat this clench and release on your calves, thighs, glutes, stomach/chest, shoulders/arms, fists, then face.

Immerse yourself in another activity

Once you’ve paused, immersing yourself in something else entirely can be helpful. It might take your mind off the frantic situation and let you settle down to neutral again.

Try doing something completely different, whether a game, a creative activity, or a chore.

One excellent option is exercise, which burns off extra energy and releases endorphins^{9https://www.actascientific.com/ASMS/pdf/ASMS-03-0278} to calm your mood. 

Get sad

Feeling sadness^{10https://www.hindawi.com/journals/np/2018/3479059/} activates parts of the brain that will reduce your other negative emotions like anger.

If you want to curb your negativity, you could try summoning sadness through sad memories, listening to sad music, or just inviting in the sensations of sadness.

User your emotions productively

Michael Jordan, who most people agree was the best basketball player ever^{11https://www.businessinsider.com/jordan-lebron-goat-debate-americans-jordan-2019-3}, notoriously used his negative emotions like anger to play better. Jordan would seek out and even invent reasons his opponents disrespected him to stoke anger, adding fuel to his fire.

Watch him talk about one such instance here:

[6:55-7:32]

While it may seem extreme to elicit anger to accomplish things, you could use it to your advantage if your anger is already present.

Anger gives you a shot of adrenaline^{12https://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/how-anger-hurts-your-heart}, which increases your energy and focus^{13https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/what-to-know-adrenaline-rush}. Anger also has you perceive less risk^{2https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/jenniferlerner/files/fuel_in_the_fire_how_anger_impacts_judgment_and_decision_making_0.pdf}. 

When people are angry, they also feel more self-confident and optimistic^{2https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/jenniferlerner/files/fuel_in_the_fire_how_anger_impacts_judgment_and_decision_making_0.pdf} about their capabilities. Feeling angry is also linked to feeling more motivated^{14https://isr.umich.edu/news-events/insights-newsletter/article/anger-motivates-people-to-vote-u-m-study-shows/} to take action.

In some ways, having increased energy, focus, self-confidence, motivation, and risk tolerance is quite a superpower!

So if you are feeling angry, you could consider channeling it one of the following ways:

• Accomplish a household task you’ve been putting off (like cleaning the toilet)
• Get rid of a piece of clothing
• Go through your refrigerator and throw out anything you don’t want
• Write a list of all the changes you want to make in your life
• Write a list of all the boundaries you’ve been too afraid to set
• Write a list of all the things you’ve been afraid to tell people in your life
• Sign up to volunteer for a social cause that fires you up
• Engage in physical competition

How to Become a Calmer Person Generally

The techniques above will help you out when your emotions arise. But you can also take strides to become a calmer person day to day and get a deeper grasp on your anger.

Try out any of the following.

Exercise

People who regularly exercise^{15https://www.actascientific.com/ASMS/pdf/ASMS-03-0278.pdf} show better management of their emotions.

Plain and simple. If you struggle with emotional management, try to engage in regular physical activity to find greater calm.

Action Tip: If you struggle to exercise, start with a 5-minute walk each day this week.

Sleep well

We know that a lack of sleep^{16https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6122651/#:~:text=Sleep%20deprivation%20can%20exacerbate%20pre,fatigue%2C%20and%20lack%20of%20vigor.} increases emotional outbursts—even one night of poor sleep.

If you lose your cool often, the first place to start may be ensuring you get enough sleep each night.

Action Tip: Try a sleep-tracking app, like Rise, which will calculate your sleep debt to ensure you regularly hit the amount of sleep you need.

Don’t go hungry

Feeling hungry^{17https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2022/07/220706153034.htm#:~:text=New%20research%20finds%20hunger%20is%20associated%20with%20increased%20anger%20and%20irritability,-Date%3A%20July%206&text=Summary%3A,irritability%20strongly%20linked%20with%20hunger.} ca make you more “hangry.” 

Action Tip: Throughout the day, assess your hunger level^{18https://uhs.berkeley.edu/sites/default/files/wellness-hungersatietyscale.pdf} on a scale of 1-10 (where 1 is starving and 10 is stuffed). See if you can keep your hunger level above a 3 for the whole day.

Practice forgiveness

When negativity has hooked us, we feel we need to be right and make others wrong. Or when we hold a grudge against someone and can’t let it go. 

Nelson Mandela^{19https://www.latimes.com/opinion/topoftheticket/la-xpm-2013-dec-06-la-na-tt-nelson-mandela-20131206-story.html} once said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” Your grudges are hurting you, and forgiveness is the remedy.

If you practice letting go, you’ll be able to let frustrations slide off you like raindrops off a slicker.

Here’s a meditation to practice forgiveness.

Sit or lay down with your eyes closed. Take a few deep breaths and settle into yourself. Bring to mind a person who you feel a grudge towards and are having trouble forgiving.

Set the intention to offer forgiveness even if you don’t get all the way there. It might help to consider that you can forgive them for your well-being because if you can forgive them, it will make you feel more peaceful and content.

Then imagine them as a child, having experienced years of trauma that shaped their personality and idiosyncrasies into what they are. And when that person upsets you, imagine that it was them as a child acting from their insecurities, fear, or ignorance. See if that softens your heart, and then take a few more deep breaths.

Then recite the phrase a few times “I offer you forgiveness.” You don’t have to feel it 100%. Just stating the phrase internally will start to get the wheels turning.

Practice patience

The more patient you are, the more discomfort you can hold before becoming upset.

Here’s one way to practice patience.

Put on a timer for 5 minutes (or even 1!). Sit or lay down with your eyes closed. Take a few deep breaths and settle into yourself. 

Slow down your breath as much as possible. See how much detail you can notice in each breath.

As you breathe, see how patient you can be with each breath. How much can you let go of anything needing to happen in any way at any pace?

Get to know your emotions

If you want to develop a healthy relationship with your emotions, it’s helpful to know them more intimately.

The best place to start in knowing your emotions is your body.

Emotions in the body

When negative emotions appear in your body^{20https://www.mentalhelp.net/anger/recognizing-signs/#:~:text=increased%20and%20rapid%20heart%20rate,shaking%20or%20trembling}, you might begin to notice these effects:

• Clenching your fists
• Faster heart rate
• Dry mouth
• Tunnel vision
• Clenching your jaw and grinding your teeth
• Getting sweaty (especially your palms)
• Feeling hot in your neck and face

It can be tricky to know what emotions you are feeling at any given time, but if you notice any of these body changes, there’s a good chance that negativity is coming.

Negative thoughts

Negativity, much like fire, can draw your attention to thoughts that spawn further discomfort or distress.

Negative thinking often manifests in specific patterns. Below are five types of unconstructive thinking patterns that can exacerbate negative emotions, adapted from Dr. Ryan Martin‘s work with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy principles.

To illustrate these patterns more broadly, imagine they refer to any frustrating scenario, like receiving critical feedback at work or facing an unexpected setback.

The five thinking patterns are:

1. Misattributing Causation: “They did this to upset me.”
   • This assumes you know someone’s intention and that they have malicious motives.
2. Catastrophizing: “This is a disaster; nothing will go right again.”
   • This turns a specific issue into a catastrophic event.
3. Overgeneralization: “This always happens; nothing ever works out for me!”
   • This extends one instance into a universal truth.
4. Unreasonable Demands: “Things must always go my way!”
   • This includes thoughts that start with “they should have…” or “things must always…”
5. Inflammatory Labeling: “They’re completely incompetent!”
   • This assigns a negative label to someone or something, making the situation seem worse.

Dr. Martin’s research observed the correlation between these thought patterns and heightened levels of distress and unhelpful reactions. He noted that individuals prone to such thinking often experience higher overall negativity, express their emotions in unhealthy ways, and potentially damage relationships.

Recognizing and addressing these patterns is crucial for cultivating a healthier, more balanced mindset. If you’re interested in assessing your own tendencies, you might consider exploring tools similar to Dr. Martin’s to understand better and shift your thought patterns.

Emotions Related to Discomfort

In exploring your emotional management, it’s beneficial to develop a nuanced understanding of your feelings. Here are a few more specific emotions that fall within the broader discomfort umbrella:

• Frustration
• Irritation
• Annoyance
• Concern
• Apprehension
• Disquiet
• Unease
• Dismay
• Distress
• Despair
• Discontent
• Regret
• Guilt
• Shame

Now let’s integrate this knowledge.

Action Step: Set a timer for 1 minute and allow yourself to experience discomfort. You don’t have to reach an extreme level, but invite in some of your unease. Treat this as a mindfulness practice to better understand your emotional landscape.

After the timer goes off, briefly jot down your reflections on the following:

• What did the discomfort feel like in your body?
• What thoughts and impulses arose?
• Which specific emotions were you experiencing from the above list?

The aim of this practice isn’t to amplify your discomfort but rather to enhance your awareness of the nuances of your emotions. This way, you can recognize them as soon as they emerge, rather than after they’ve influenced your actions or decisions.

Understand Your Discomfort Triggers

Recognizing specific situations that typically trigger your discomfort and your habitual reactions is invaluable.

Spend a few minutes writing down all the instances you felt discomfort in the recent past, as accurately as you can recall.

Ponder over these questions:

• What was the situation that caused my discomfort?
• Why did it disturb me so much?
• What other emotions did I experience?
• How did I behave (i.e., how would an observer describe my reaction)?
• Did my discomfort lead to any adverse outcomes?
• What strategies did I employ to manage my discomfort, and were they effective?

Engaging in this activity allows you to familiarize yourself with your patterns of discomfort. Greater awareness affords you more control to make positive changes.

Pro Tip: To deepen this practice, consider keeping a nightly journal for a week. Each night, reflect on any moments of discomfort you experienced during the day and explore the questions listed above. This consistent reflection can significantly enhance your understanding and management of discomfort.

Habits That Contribute to Emotional Discomfort

Understanding specific situations that trigger your emotional discomfort is crucial, but it’s equally important to recognize that certain daily habits can exacerbate these feelings.

Stress and Emotional Management

When stressed^{21https://www.angermanage.co.uk/effects-stress-anger/}, you are more likely to have an emotional outburst.

Here are a few common stressors^{22https://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/causes-of-stress} to watch out for:

• Working too many hours
• Taking on too much work responsibility
• Breaking up with a partner
• Losing a job
• Financial uncertainty
• Moving homes
• Chronic illness

If you’re experiencing any of these stressors or feeling consistently overwhelmed, be aware that your emotional threshold might be lower than usual.

Fatigue and Emotional Management

Insufficient sleep, even for a single night, can significantly increase your susceptibility to emotional disturbances^{16https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6122651/#:~:text=Sleep%20deprivation%20can%20exacerbate%20pre,fatigue%2C%20and%20lack%20of%20vigor.}. Sleep deprivation can also lead to increased anxiety, depression, distraction, and a general sense of lethargy. Prioritizing adequate rest is essential for maintaining emotional stability and well-being.

Hunger and emotional management

Hangry is a real thing.

European researchers tracked participants over three weeks and had them mark their hunger levels and emotions five times each day. The study showed that feeling hungry^{17https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2022/07/220706153034.htm#:~:text=New%20research%20finds%20hunger%20is%20associated%20with%20increased%20anger%20and%20irritability,-Date%3A%20July%206&text=Summary%3A,irritability%20strongly%20linked%20with%20hunger.} is associated with frustration, anger, and unpleasantness.

Interestingly, researchers also found that people who scored hungrier on average also scored more angry, frustrated, and unpleasant across time—not just in the moment of hunger.

Counterproductive Emotional Management Techniques

Suppression

Many individuals learn to suppress their intense emotions during childhood, as openly expressing them might have seemed threatening or risked punishment from caregivers. However, as adults, these suppressed emotions don’t just disappear. They simmer beneath the surface, akin to lava, and can erupt unexpectedly when triggered.

Originally a defense mechanism, suppression in adulthood proves ineffective and potentially harmful. Rather than dissipating, these repressed emotions may manifest in subtle, passive-aggressive behaviors or explode in moments of uncontrolled emotional outbursts. Recognizing and addressing these feelings directly is crucial for emotional health and well-being.

When you suppress your expression of emotions, particularly anger, it can often turn inward^{23https://www.choosingtherapy.com/repressed-anger/#:~:text=Many%20times%2C%20repressed%20anger%20contributes,physical%20pains%2C%20and%20relationship%20problems.}. Something in you is furious with a whip in its hand. And when you try to suppress your anger, that whip will point at yourself, resulting in self-punishment, depression, guilt, and shame.

The Pitfalls of Venting

There is a widespread belief that if you “get your anger out,” it won’t return. The marketplace has responded accordingly with a phenomenon called “Rage Rooms,” where you pay money to break a bunch of stuff (which admittedly sounds pretty fun).

However, scientific literature suggests that the more someone releases their rage, the angrier they become^{24https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-19803-003}. And this occurs independently of their views on the value of anger catharsis^{25https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.76.3.367}.

That’s not to say that you should never scream at the top of your lungs in a forest, beat the stuffing out of a pillow, or break a bunch of bottles in a Rage Room. It could be a valuable way to learn about yourself, and you might find pockets of your anger that you had repressed. In fact, these activities can be quite helpful for people who can’t access their anger at all.

But if you tend to experience anger more frequently than you’d like, it’s best to engage in anger catharsis with caution, knowing that it might fuel more aggression.

Frequently Asked Questions About Anger Management

Create Your Own Emotional Management and Calmness Plan

If you often find it challenging to maintain composure, there’s hope in fostering a healthier relationship with your emotions. Creating a personal plan for emotional management can be beneficial. When an event triggers intense feelings, having a strategy can guide you through. Here are some effective ways to manage emotions and maintain calm:

• Acknowledge your emotions as soon as you notice them.
• Assess whether the emotion is constructive or hindering in the situation.
• Take a moment to fully experience the emotion. Allow it to exist, explore it with curiosity, and approach it with gentleness.
• Consider if there’s an unmet need underlying your emotional response.
• Try to empathize with any other individuals involved.
• Introduce humor! Look at the situation from a different perspective and find any light-hearted elements.
• Gain perspective by asking, “How significant is this in the bigger picture?”
• Be prepared to take a break from the situation to regroup and restore your calm. Once you’ve stepped away, consider these techniques:
  • Practice relaxation methods like deep breathing, visualizing a tranquil place, or progressive muscle relaxation.
  • Engage in a completely different activity to divert your mind.
  • Cultivate a feeling of sadness or compassion to temper intense emotions.
  • Channel your emotional energy into a productive task.

If you’re interested in further exploring emotional understanding and management, consider researching more about body language and emotional cues. This knowledge can enhance your awareness and control over your emotional responses.

If you’d like to continue your journey of understanding emotions, you can check out this article on decoding aggressive body language.