What does your Halloween costume say about you?
Based on no science at all, zero case studies and purely personal experience, I have put together this post for your enjoyment.
Answer the following questions:
- What did you dress up as for Halloween last year?
- What was your costume on your 10th birthday?
- What was your costume on your 18th birthday?
Looking back on your previous costumes, do you detect one prominent pattern or theme? Another way to find your pattern is to figure out if you have ever dressed up as the same thing multiple times.
For example, most of my costumes over the last 30 years have relied heavily upon glitter: Fairies covered in glitter, princesses sprinkled with glitter, vampires dipped in glitter. This life changing realization taught me absolutely nothing about myself, but is now a fun fact I share at parties.
Read on to find yoursâŚ
Halloween Costume Personalities
Here are the different Halloween costume categories and their explanations:
Historical
Good for you! You are well-read, love academics and favor history to reality TV. Halloween is your time to honor it.
- Obvious Explanation: You really want people to look at you and say, âAha! Benjamin Franklin!â but most likely people will look at you and say, âWho are you supposed to be?â Prepare yourself.
- Not-So-Obvious Explanation: I think dressing up as a historical person is a lovely way to make a statement on a silly holiday. You educate people (Buzz Aldrinâyou know the SECOND guy to land on the moon?), you encourage people to Google the name you mention (Iâm Jean-Paul Sartre⌠thatâs Jean-Paul with a dash and spelled S-A-RâŚ) and it gives you an excuse to talk about your favorite conversational topic (So whose your favorite historical leader, living or dead?).
The Funny Guy (or Gal)
Did you dress up as Barney the purple dinosaur? How about the Kool Aid guy? If your number one goal was to make people laugh with your costume then you are the funny guy (or gal).
- Obvious Explanation: You like to bring joy to the world. Bringing a smile to peopleâs face is the best part of your day.
- Not-So-Obvious Explanation: You’re proving to people how funny you are. Wearing a funny Halloween costume is a little like when actors read pre-written jokes off a teleprompter during an awards ceremony. You have had all year to come up with your funny costume â so yeah, you get some credit, but itâs not necessarily an indicator of how funny you really are.
The Sex Pot
If you wander the aisles of Halloween stores, you are guaranteed to overhear girls saying something along the lines of âHow low is too low?â and âIf I show my legs can I also show cleavage?â and âIs this good slutty or bad slutty?â And you know the guy who takes his shirt off at every (non-Halloween) opportunity? He will DEFINITELY have his shirt off for Halloween (think 300, Michael Phelps or Baywatch).
- Obvious Explanation: Halloween is the one time of year where girls can wear almost nothing in public and not be called a slut (behind her back). Guys with 6-packs can walk around without a shirt on without being called a douche (behind his back).
- Not-So-Obvious Explanation: You work hard for your body. You donât eat white food, you do lots of sit-ups and you want to show it off. Good for you. If you got it, why not flaunt it?
Something in a Recycled Box
A washing machine. A robot. A rectangular R2D2 . Youâve repurposed a giant box and turned it into a brilliant costume.
- Obvious Explanation: Youâre an upcyclerâthe new recycle. You take something and give it a new purpose and use. Itâs cheaper, itâs clever and it saves you from having to breakdown the cardboard and squeeze it into your garbage chute.
- Not-So-Obvious Explanation: I have this theory that people who have any kind of cardboard box costume are really frickinâ awesome. It seems like my favorite people who are super cool have tackled this costume (my sister Haley, my 6th grade English teacher and my blonde friendâyou know who you are.) I think this is because the Box costume takes ingenuity (cutting cardboard isnât easy), courage (itâs really hard to fit into cars and some doors) and authenticity (letâs be real, a box ainât so sexy but it’s definitely eye catching).
Scary
Anything with fake blood falls into the scary category. So do zombies, grotesque anatomy related make-up and references to frightening characters.
- Obvious Explanation: You love practical jokes, jumping out of closets and playing this Youtube video for your friends:
- Not-So-Obvious Explanation: You secretly like the dark side. Maybe you spent a few months as a goth in High School or maybe you like dark and brooding make-up. Hereâs your excuse to take a trip to the darker arts.
Too-Soon
Itâs too-soon for Hitler. Itâs too soon for Hurricane Katrina. Itâs too soon for the Columbine (yes, even if you wear a Columbine t-shirt with bloody bullet holes).
- Obvious Explanation: Ok, so you didnât run this idea by your best friend. I believe youâit was supposed to be funny and fell flat. Turn your shirt inside out and say youâre an obscure reality TV star. People will forgive you.
- Not-So-Obvious Explanation: You hate Halloween and this is a really clever way to make people uncomfortable and be asked to leave the party early. SCORE! An excuse to turn off all the lights and watch Netflix.
Drag
Youâre a guy and you dressed like a prom queen. Youâre a girl and you dressed like a Frat Bro. Good for youâHalloween is the time to experiment.
- Obvious Explanation: Curious what itâs like to step into someone elseâs shoes? Have you always been curious to literally wear someone elseâs shoes? Take this pumpkin-filled night to satiate your curiosity.
- Not-So-Obvious Explanation: I had a lotâI mean A LOT of guy friends who dressed in drag in college. By Senior year, I began to suspect that it had something to do with them wanting to riffle through my underwear drawer.
The Pair or Group
Are you usually a dynamic duo? Have you been someoneâs Ivanka to their Donald? A Minnie to someoneâs Mickey? Have you dressed up as a big group of smurfs?
- Obvious Explanation: Dressing up with someone else makes Halloween a multi-day experience. You get to brainstorm with friends, shop together and get ready all day. It extends the joys of Halloween beyond the night.
- Not-So-Obvious Explanation: You want to go wild, BUT you need a security blanket. Dressing up with friends makes it easier to go crazy and assures that you will not be left alone during the festivities. A duo also helps you claim your partnerâyou know who youâre going home with.
Punny
Some of my favorite clever costumes: An identity crisis (someone with a bunch of different name tags on their shirt), Tropical Depression (someone in a Hawaiian shirt holding a bottle of Prozac) and Judgement Day (someone holding a calendar and a gavel).
- Obvious Explanation: Youâre super clever and you want your costume to show it.
- Not-So-Obvious Explanation: Youâre tired of having to freeze your bum off dressed in a tiny maid costume or youâre tired of hobbling home after a night in âfireman heels.â Youâve decided to use your brain not your body.
I do drag a lot with my wife. She usually dresses as the guy and I as a girl. Examples so far, Bride and Groom, Zoro and Flamenco girl, Gru and Lucy lu from Didpicsble me 2, Cinderella and Mad Hatter, little red riding hood and the big bad wolf, Dorothy and one of the male characters, Bearded lady and ring master. There are some big Halloween costume contests nearby and we thought the twist would help us win and make people laugh. Well, people laughed but we won nothing. I wore heels, thigh high stockings and wig and all. We got on stage one time to be voted on though. Anyway, she now asks me if Iâm a closet cross dresser, took me to a drag club show and asked if I wanna do drag for money.
I am not homophobic, I love women and am straight but have no problem wearing a dress. I am very secure in my masculinity and wrestled and play football. Why does everyone make such a big deal if a guy wears anything remotely feminine but girls wear guy clothes without a blink of an eye? When I was growing up girls wore dresses a lot, now they act weird if you ask them to wear a dress and they barely do it on special occasion anymore. Go figure.
Lastly, the only time we won was when she was a sexy cop of course. Lol.