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How to Bond


how to bond

Do you have someone in your life that you really want to connect to but aren’t sure how?

I want to give you some tools that will help you optimize your relationships and go from:

  • Stranger to Acquaintance
  • Colleagues to Friends
  • Buddy to Confidant
  • Crush to Date
  • Friend to Best Friend.

As you may know, sometimes we get stagnant in our relationships and aren’t quite sure how to get to the next level. In this video, I will show you techniques that will help you bond with anyone.

Bonding Tips

#1 Activities Bond

There is something special about doing something new with someone. I mean beyond the office banter, texting or regular dinners. When we experience something new, different parts of our brain activate. We become more open, we get more creative, we even develop new ways of thinking. This in turn makes us more connected to the person we are with. The best thing we can do with a low-level relationship is to activate it. Forget dinners, coffees or happy hours; try rock climbing, a pottery class, a bike ride or an outdoor concert.

Remember: The more unique the activity, the more bonding you have.

#2 Goals Bond

One of the best ways to bond with someone is to have a mutual goal. When we work with people to achieve something, we align in crazy deep ways. This can be a goal you want to achieve together (i.e. pitching your boss, completing a course or learning something), or it can be working with someone to achieve your own goals. I call this idea having an Accountability Partner. An Accountability Partner is someone that you check-in with, track progress with and someone who keeps you accountable on your goals. This can be anything from losing weight, reading more books or even being more productive at work. Find out what your targets/goals are and align them.

#3 Discussion Bond

One way to elevate your relationship is to elevate your conversations. Social psychology researcher Arthur Aron developed 36 questions to help people increase their intimacy. You can do these with your romantic partner or just with friends. These questions evoke vulnerability, getting you to talk about values and to help you think about ideas you might not have thought about before. These questions are awesome! You can go here to check out the full list. But for now, I’ll give you my favorite 5 to get you started:

  • If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
  • If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  • Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  • If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
  • Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

Great questions right? Now it’s your objective to try these 5 questions with someone else and see how your relationship will flourish.

Knowing these 3 tips and questions will help enhance any relationship. So remember that: “Sometimes bonding can take some effort, but it is worth it!” And you can quote me on this:

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About Vanessa Van Edwards

Vanessa Van Edwards is a published author and behavioral investigator. She is a Huffington Post columnist and her courses and research has been featured on CNN, Forbes, Business Week and the Wall Street Journal. As a published Penguin author, Vanessa regularly speaks and appears in the media to talk about her research. She is a sought after consultant and speaker.


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