In This Article
Silence often isn't a no. What to send a warm buyer who went quiet, what to say instead of "just checking in," and when to stop.
“Just checking in…”
Delete.
Say a buyer was keen on the call, asked for the proposal, and got it the same afternoon. That was nine days ago!
Now every draft of the follow-up sounds pushy or…pathetic. So it sits in drafts.
Sound familiar?
There’s a better message than “just checking in.” It starts with what the silence often means, and it ends with knowing exactly when to stop.
Why a Warm Buyer Goes Quiet (Hint: It’s Often Not You)
The rep refreshes the inbox for the third time before lunch. Nothing. The buyer who said “this is exactly what we need” three weeks ago has gone quiet, and the rep has already written the story: they went with someone cheaper.
Yikes.
That story is often wrong. When a warm buyer stops replying, the likelier explanation is on THEIR side of the desk.
Sometimes the decision got harder. Maybe their VP added a third vendor to the comparison on Monday, and now the buyer is building a spreadsheet nobody asked for (fun!).
When a choice gets harder, people tend to put it off, especially when they’re worried they’ll regret picking wrong1. Replying would mean admitting the decision isn’t made… so the reply waits too.
Sometimes “no” is just awkward to type. If the budget got cut, the buyer now has to write an email that disappoints someone they liked on the call. Would you rush to write that one?
That same awkwardness fools the people doing the asking. People who ask for help face to face underestimate how often others will say yes, by as much as half, because they overlook how uncomfortable refusing feels2.
Put those two together and silence often looks like a stall. (Sometimes a stall with a very full inbox behind it.)
So the follow-up’s job is to make the decision smaller, or to make “no” easy to send. The scripts below do both!
Your Note Is Probably a Nicer Surprise Than You Think
“I’m bothering them.”
It’s the fear behind a needy follow-up, and I know it well. I’ve sat on a perfectly good follow-up for a whole week because I didn’t want to be “that person.”
The good news? That fear is often off. When people sent a quick note to someone they knew, just to see how they were doing, the people on the receiving end appreciated it more than the senders expected3.
The gap was biggest when the message came as a surprise, and when the two people weren’t close. A buyer you’ve spoken to twice might fit both! (So might the college friend you haven’t texted since spring.)
And yes, social skill pays. Between 1980 and 2012, jobs that call for lots of social interaction grew by nearly 12 percentage points as a share of the U.S. workforce4. The labor market also paid more for social skill in the 2000s than in the mid-1980s and 1990s.
What to Send Instead of “Just Checking In”
When “just checking in” arrives, guess who does all the work? The buyer.
They have to remember the proposal, dig it up, reopen the decision they were avoiding, and then write back. (No wonder it sits there.)
Each move below takes one of those jobs off their plate.
Put the Decision Back in Their Inbox
A strong follow-up is one the buyer could decide from on its own… even if it’s the only email of yours they open this week. That means pasting the original ask back in, with the one or two numbers that matter.
Redundant? Sure. They already have the proposal!
But in research on getting people to mail back surveys, a reminder by phone or by email raised the response5. A reminder that saves them a search is a small favor. It can be the difference between “I’ll look later” and an actual reply.
Here’s the email we’d send:
Subject: Onboarding proposal (quote holds through Oct. 15)
Hi Marisol,
Putting the proposal from our call on the 2nd back at the top of your inbox: [link]
The short version: 40 seats, $18,000 a year, and onboarding wrapped before your January kickoff.
Should I hold the January start date for you?
Shrink the Next Step Until It Fits in a Reply
“Any thoughts?”
It sounds so easy! But to answer it, the buyer has to form an opinion on the WHOLE proposal, and a big decision is exactly the thing they’ve been putting off.
The fix? A question they can answer in one word, or one click:
| Instead of | Try |
|---|---|
| “Any thoughts on the proposal?” | “Is the 12-month or the 6-month option closer to what you need?” |
| “Let me know if you want to chat.” | “Does Thursday at 2 or Friday at 10 work for 15 minutes?” |
| “Are you still interested?” | “Should I hold your January start date, or release it?” |
Each rewrite turns a decision into a pick. A pick between two options is small enough to make between meetings.
Bring Something They Can Use Without Replying
On the call, the buyer mentioned that IT slows EVERY purchase down with a security review. So the second follow-up is the security questionnaire, already filled in. It comes with one line: “Figured your IT team would ask for this, so here it is ahead of time.”
No question at the end. None!
That email is useful even if they never answer it. It saves them a week of back-and-forth with IT, and it proves you were listening on the call. (Honestly, this is my favorite kind of follow-up to send.)
What would they otherwise have to chase? Maybe the filled-in questionnaire, a reference customer’s direct line, or the one-page summary their CFO will want before signing.
Hand Them the Easy No
Remember the buyer stuck writing a disappointing email? What if they had a much shorter one to write? One line near the end of your follow-up can make “not now” a complete reply:
If this slid down the list, just reply “not now” and I’ll check back in January.
Now the buyer can answer in two words, with no explanation and no worry that a “no” will set off a negotiation. A clear “not now” is better for you than silence, too! You can stop guessing and put a real date on the calendar.
Only offer the out if you’ll honor it. If they reply “not now,” thank them… and then ACTUALLY wait until January.
Cut the Apology and the Backstory
Here’s a follow-up that’s trying SO hard:
Hi Marisol! So sorry to bother you again. I know you’re super busy, and I totally understand if this isn’t a priority right now! I just wanted to follow up, since I haven’t heard anything since I sent the proposal over, and I wasn’t sure if it got lost…
Ouch. (I’ve sent a version of this one myself.)
Nearly every line is about the sender’s nerves. “Sorry to bother you” tells Marisol she’s being bothered!
“I haven’t heard anything” hands her a small helping of guilt. And all that sympathy for her schedule makes the email longer, which makes it harder to answer.
Here’s the same email with the nerves taken out:
Hi Marisol, putting the proposal back at the top of your inbox: [link]. Is the 12-month or the 6-month option closer to what you need?
Two sentences. Somehow it’s warmer, too, because it treats her like someone who can make a decision.
Space the Touches Out, and Switch Channels Once
How long has it been since your last note? Whatever the answer, it helps to make the next gap a little longer. Growing gaps give the buyer time to settle whatever stalled the decision.
Here’s one way to lay the moves above across a month:
| When (after the silence starts) | What to send |
|---|---|
| Day 3 | The decision back in their inbox, with a one-word question |
| Day 10 | Something useful, with no ask |
| Day 24 | The easy no |
| About a week later | The close-the-loop message (below) |
Somewhere in the middle, one other channel is worth a try. If you’ve been emailing, a 20-second voicemail can point back to the email: “Hi Marisol, it’s [your name] from the onboarding call. I sent a two-line note about your January start date. No need to call back. A one-word email reply is perfect.”
One switch is plenty, though. Email, then a call, then LinkedIn, then a text? That starts to feel like being followed around the internet!
Stop When the Next Message Would Only Add Pressure
Here’s the last email we’d send:
Subject: Happy holidays, Marisol!
Hi Marisol,
I hope you’re getting a little breathing room this month (and maybe some good food, too).
I won’t keep filling up your inbox, but I didn’t want to just disappear without saying thanks for chatting with me. If [the project] comes back around in the new year, I’d love to help. Even a quick “let’s talk” is plenty.
Either way, wishing you a really great holiday!
[Name]
It takes the pressure off, and getting back in touch takes one reply with nothing to explain. (Funny enough, this is sometimes the email that finally gets a reply.)
So when do you send it? When any of these is true:
- You’ve run out of new things to send. A fourth reminder of the same proposal is pressure with a subject line.
- The draft in front of you leans on guilt or a made-up deadline. If the only way to get a reply is to make them feel bad, the sequence is over.
- They’ve said no, or asked you to stop. Skip the close-the-loop email entirely and send a two-line thank-you instead.
Repetition has a cost. When people were shown ads from the same persuasive campaign day after day for nearly two weeks, they got angrier with each extra exposure6.
Not the reaction you want from a buyer.
A buyer who says “not now” in March might be ready in September… and it’s a lot easier to reply to someone who stopped politely.
How to Follow Up Without Being Annoying: Takeaway
- Open your oldest unanswered thread and rewrite the ask as a question the buyer can answer in one word.
- Paste the original proposal, link, or price into that follow-up so they can decide from one message.
- Search your saved snippets for “just checking in” and “sorry to bother you,” and swap each one for a real ask. (Yes, all of them.)
- Paste “If this slid down the list, just reply ‘not now’ and I’ll check back in [month]” into your next follow-up. If they use it, put the check-back date on your calendar that day.
- Pick the date for your close-the-loop message today, and send it when that date comes.
Once they reply, these non-sketchy sales tips cover what to say next.
