Looking for jokes that won’t offend anyone and are safe for work? We’ve gathered the best of the best in this ultimate list of funny and corny work jokes. You just might get some giggles and groans!
- One day YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook will join together and be called: YouTwitFace
- The past, present, and future walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
- I like jokes about stationery, but rulers are where I draw the line.
- There should be confetti in tires, so it’s still an okay day when there is a blow-out.
- Bread is a lot like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
- Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at.
- 70% of the earth is water, and virtually none of it is carbonated. So the earth is, in fact, flat.
- Just found out the company that produces yardsticks won’t be making them any longer.
- Went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way, and I should have left him in the garden.
- Engineers have made a car that can run on mint. Hopefully, they can make buses and trains run on thyme.
- What kind of car does an egg drive? A Yolksvagen.
- It’s called gross pay because it’s disgusting to see how much money you would have made before taxes.
- Bravely killed a bug at home. Then realized it was a piece of lint.
- Did you hear about the corduroy pillow? It’s making headlines.
- Plagiarism: Getting into trouble for something you didn’t do.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. -Groucho Marx
- I was going to tell a carpentry joke, but I couldn’t find any of that woodwork.
- An Irishman walks out of a bar.
- Velcro is a complete ripoff.
Jokes to Message Your Coworker
- Learn to spell… AutoCorrect isn’t always write.
- The fact that Head & Shoulders doesn’t have a body wash called ‘Knees & Toes’ disappoints me.
- There are two kinds of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
- I walked past a farm, and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought that was an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.
- What’s the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas? Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song. Chick Peas can hummus one.
- What’s Forrest Gump’s password. 1Forrest1.
- Why is cold water so insecure? It’s never been called hot.
- I sympathize with batteries. I’m not included in anything either.
- I like what mechanics wear…overall.
- Did you know that Davy Crockett had three ears? His left ear, his right ear, and his wild frontier.
- What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
- Doctor: I’m sorry, but we had to remove your colon. Me Why?
Joke of the Day for Coworkers
- A lawyer told a judge, “My client is trapped inside a penny.” The judge said, “What?” The lawyer said, “He’s in a cent.”
- What did the fried rice say to the shrimp? Don’t wok away from me!
- Boss told me that as a security guard, it’s my job to watch the office. I’m on season 6, but I’m not sure what it’s got to do with security.
- The CEO of Ikea was appointed Prime Minister of Sweden. He’s currently assembling his cabinet.
- There were two muffins in an oven, and one said, “It’s getting hot in here, isn’t it?”. The other muffin gasps, “Ahh! A talking muffin!”
- Knock, knock, Who’s there? Our new e-book! Our new e-book, who?
Please fill out this form with your social security number, firstborn’s name, GPA, work history, current salary, and phone number of your high school crush. We’ll send you the punch line.
- I once survived the fallout from moving an image 1 cm to the right in Word.
- An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender turns to them and says… “What is this, some kind of joke?”
- Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Would you like a beer?” Descartes replies, “I think not.” And promptly disappears.
- A politician, an artist, and a statistician are out hunting. The politician shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left. The artist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right. The statistician yells, “We got ‘em!”
- Today I saved $236.17 by not going to Target for toothpaste.
- Why does a bride always cry at the wedding? Because she never marries the best man.
- What’s pink and fluffy? Pink fluff. What’s purple and fluffy? Pink fluff is holding its breath.
- Two men are on opposite sides of the river. The first man shouts, “How do I get to the other side of the river?” The other man yells, “You ARE on the other side of the river.”
- An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol place, drinking spot, place for beer, beer now.
Corny Work Jokes
- This morning I saw a person dragging a clam on a leash behind him. It must be hard to walk with a pulled mussel.
- Boss: How good are you are PowerPoint? Me: I Excel at it. Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun? Me: Word.
- Me: I want to travel. Bank Account: Where? To work?
- Smonday. The moment when Sunday is overtaken by the sadness and anxiety of the coming Monday.
- Just started dating someone in the admin. They tick all the boxes.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite content? WebinARRRRRR!
- Why did one auto company attack another auto company? Automotive.
- Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says, “Now that you mention it, I smell carrots too.”
- Why did the candle quit his job? He was burned out.
- My brother has 2 Dobermans called Rolex and Timex. They are watchdogs.
- What starts with a W and ends with a T. It does, I swear!
- I was on a diabetes awareness website, and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is this a trick question?
- Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied? Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.
- Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe, but if you remove it, you get…. Gravy.
- What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
- If a child refuses to take a nap, does that mean they are resisting arrest?
- I sent my hearing aids in for repair 3 weeks ago. I haven’t heard anything since.
- What’s a forklift? Food usually.
- What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.
- Two sailors see an enormous hand come out of the sea. It moves all the way over to one side and then to the other. One sailor says to the other: “Wow, did you see the size of that wave?”
- Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Smoking bacon will cure it.
- A photon checks into a hotel, and the bellhop asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
- I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
- I was just in the breakroom, and someone threw milk at me… How dairy!
- Not all math puns are terrible. Just sum.
- Sometimes I tell fish jokes just for the halibut.
- What do biologists wear to work on Casual Friday? Genes.
- Isn’t the Grand Canyon just gorges?
- I, for one, like Roman Numerals.
- Pig puns are so boaring.
- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
- What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
- Tell my Wifi love her.
Conversational Work Jokes
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Morning Jokes for Work
- Why should you never get in a fight with Tryptophan? It’s an amino acid.
- I’ve been doing crunches twice a day now. Captain in the morning. Nestle in the afternoon.
- Did you hear that Larry got a new job working for Old Macdonald’s? He’s the new CIEIO.
- Every morning I announce that I’m going running, but then I don’t. It’s a running joke.
- Why do birds sing every morning? They don’t go to work.
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
- Spaces between ladder rungs have increased because Americans are getting taller. Manufacturers claim it’s due to climb change.
Friday Work Jokes
- Nothing ruins a Friday more than realizing it’s Tuesday.
- Which day do potatoes fear the most? Fryday.
- Boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
- I went on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday last weekend. Never again.
Dry Humor Jokes
- I will now be signing all emails with this disclaimer: On average, it takes me two days to overthink the best response to your email. You can ensure that I will reply to you in my head and forget to send you an actual reply. In the future, please save us both the stress on our mental health and avoid sending me any emails.
- Why did the Apple Watch lose the fight to the grandfather clock? The clock had hands.
- What’s a tree’s favorite condiment? Branch dressing.
- What do you call two guys hanging on a window? Kurt and Rod.
- How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.
- Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I hope you Excel.
- Does my partner think I’m a control freak? I haven’t decided yet.
- What genre are national anthems? Country.
- Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was going through a stage.
- I just ordered the personal number plate BAA BAA. It should look cool on my black jeep.
- Just got excited at a crossword clue that was “cheese lovers” and was like, oh! There’s a name for people like me. The answer was “mice.”
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad.
- What do you call a bee that comes from America? USB.
- Why did the dog go to the bank? To make a deposit.
- Two fish are in a tank. One looks to the other and says, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
- What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce? A Chicken Caesar Salad.
- Why don’t dinosaurs make good pets? Because they’re dead.
- What do you get when you cross a chicken with a fox? A Fox.
- My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad I had to take his bike away.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Last night, I accidentally superglued my thumb and finger together… but don’t worry, it will be ok. 👌
- Did you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house? This is due to its powerful hind legs, and the average house cannot jump.
- I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and couldn’t even eat them?
- Who built King Arthur’s round table? Sir Cumference.
- It was David’s first day as a pilot. The Control tower asked, “What are your coordinates?” So David said, “I’m by a cloud that looks like a lion.” The control tower said, “Can you be more specific?” So David says, “Simba.”
- A guy walks into a lumberyard and asks for some two-by-fours. The clerk asks, “How long do you need them?” The guy answers, “A long time. We’re going to build a house.”
- When I was at the gym yesterday, everyone kept asking me why I was always sitting still on the stationary bike. I’m going downhill, dude. Mind your business.
- Did you know you can hear the blood in your veins? You just have to listen varicosely.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? To. To who? No, to whom.
- Did you know French fries aren’t cooked in France? They are cooked in Greece.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? You got no bell, so I figured I’d knock.
- Apparently, you can’t use beef stew as a password. It’s just not stroganoff.
- How many elephants can you fit into a Mini Cooper? Two in the front. Two in the back. How can you tell if there are 8 elephants in the church? Easy, there are two Mini Coopers in the parking lot.
- Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long? Because if it were 12 inches, it would be a foot.
- What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabrador.
- I want to joke about a girl who only eats plants. You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.
- Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
- What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
- What is the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.
- I used to hate facial hair. But now it’s grown on me.
- Two cats swam the English Channel. They were called One Two Three and Un Deux Trois. Which cat won? One Two Three, because Un Deux Trois cat sank.
- What was the foot’s favorite type of chips? Dori-toes.
- Where would you grow a chef? Bakersfield.
Need help thinking of questions to ask other people? We have a great list of 450 Fun Questions to Ask Anyone and 140 Funny Things to Say in Any Situation.