8 Secrets Charismatic People Use to Captivate Anyone

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to effortlessly command attention when they walk into a room? Or why certain speakers leave you hanging on their every word? The secret lies in being captivative—that magnetic quality that draws others in and makes them want to listen.

But here’s the kicker: being captivating isn’t just about what you say; it’s about how you say it. In fact, research^{1 https://news.cornell.edu/stories/1997/09/study-raises-concerns-about-validity-student-evaluations} shows that being captivating can be more important than what’s being said.

That’s right—how you present your ideas can be even more important than the ideas themselves!

As a behavioral researcher, I’ve spent years studying the patterns of captivating individuals. Today, I’m going to share with you 8 secrets that will help you boost your charisma and captivate any audience. Let’s dive in!

The Power of the Lean

If you’ve ever watched a TED talk, you might notice at times the speaker leaning in slightly. You may even find yourself leaning forward too, hanging on their every word. That’s the power of the purposeful lean!

Try this: 

• Start with a neutral, upright posture. Keep your feet planted firmly on the ground. When you’re ready to lean, move from your hips, not just your upper body.
• Aim for a 10-15 degree forward tilt. Not sure what that looks like? It’s about 2-3 inches of movement at head level. Not too much, not too little—just right!
• Hold your lean for 3-5 seconds. That’s long enough to make an impact, but not so long that it gets awkward. When you’re done, return to your neutral position slowly and deliberately.

Use the lean when sharing personal stories or confidential information. Or use the lean when transitioning to an important topic or at the beginning of something important.

Pro Tip: Limit your leans to 2-3 times in a 10-minute conversation. In longer presentations, use it every 5-10 minutes at most.

Face the Facts

Research shows that facial expressions are universal across cultures. A smile in New York means the same thing as a smile in New Delhi. And, a smile towards your audience signals joy and happiness!

In fact, there are 7 key facial expressions recognized worldwide: 

• Happiness
• Sadness
• Fear
• Disgust
• Anger
• Surprise
• Contempt

Keep in mind these 7 expressions to further convey what you’re saying, along with these tips:

• The Duchenne Smile: This is a genuine smile that involves both the mouth and eyes. Practice engaging your eye muscles (orbicularis oculi) when you smile for a more authentic expression.
• Eyebrow Action: Your eyebrows are expressive powerhouses. Raised eyebrows can convey surprise or interest, while furrowed brows can show concentration or concern.
• Eye Contact: Combine your facial expressions with appropriate eye contact for maximum impact. Remember, the eyes are the windows to the soul!
• Mouth Movements: Beyond smiling, pay attention to how you purse your lips (thoughtfulness), open your mouth slightly (surprise), or press your lips together (restraint).
• Microexpressions: These are brief, involuntary facial expressions that last for a fraction of a second. Learn more in this guide: The Definitive Guide to Reading Facial Microexpressions

Talk with Your Hands

Do you use hand gestures when you talk? And more importantly, does it even help? All the science points to yes!

• Cognitive Boost: Gesturing helps you think more clearly and speak more fluently. It enhances understanding^{2 https://cognitiveresearchjournal.springeropen.com/articles/10.1186/s41235-016-0004-9} and learning by mapping meanings directly.
• Memory Enhancement: People remember significantly more information when speech is accompanied by gestures. One study found that gestures can improve recall, particularly for those with memory impairments.
• Persuasion Power: Speakers who use hand gestures are often perceived^{3 https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.571109/full} as more credible and confident, which can enhance their persuasive impact.

And it’s not just about waving your hands around. Here are various types of hand gestures and their meanings:

Gesture Type	Description	Example
Illustrators	These gestures visually represent what you’re saying.	Drawing a circle in the air when talking about a “cycle” or “loop”
Emblems	Gestures with specific meanings in your culture.	The “thumbs up” for approval
Regulators	Gestures that control the flow of conversation.	Holding up your hand to pause someone
Adaptors	Unconscious movements that reveal your emotional state.	Fidgeting with a pen when nervous (try to minimize these!)
Affect Displays	Gestures that express emotions.	Clenched fists to show determination

There are so many more hand gestures you can use! Take a look at our list here: 60 Hand Gestures You Should Be Using and Their Meaning

Own Your Space

Did you know that your body posture can actually change your brain chemistry? This is known as the Postural Feedback Hypothesis^{4 https://ispgr.org/a-new-hypothesis-for-postural-control-intermittent-feedback-control-during-quiet-standing/} , or the idea that our posture affects our emotions and attitudes.

For example, take a look at thee different postures and imagine what kind of effect they may have on you:

• Vertical Space: Stand tall, elongating your spine.
• Horizontal Space: Keep your arms slightly away from your body.
• Open Posture: Avoid crossing your arms or legs.
• Stable Base: Plant your feet shoulder-width apart.

Try This:

Before your next important interaction, find a private space and try this:

• Stand with your feet wide, hands on hips (think Wonder Woman pose).
• Hold for two minutes, breathing deeply.

Notice how you feel—more confident, powerful, ready to take on challenges? It’s important to note that everyone reacts differently to different postures, and it’s important to experiment yourself to find out what works for you!

Laugh Your Way to Connection

Did you know that laughter is 30 times more^{5 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4255480/} likely to occur in social situations than when alone? That’s because laughter isn’t just about humor—it’s a powerful social bonding tool that also is super captivating.

Watch for these 3 types of laughter:

• Duchenne Laughter: Genuine, spontaneous laughter involving both facial muscles and vocalization.
• Non-Duchenne Laughter: Polite or forced laughter, often used in social situations.
• Contagious Laughter: Laughter that spreads through a group, often without a clear cause.

Of course, being captivating comes in many flavors—and so does humor. What’s your humor type?

• Self-deprecating humor, when used sparingly, can show humility and relatability. It involves poking fun at your own minor flaws or mishaps. For instance, you might say, “I’m so bad at remembering names, I once called my dog by my boss’s name!”
• Observational humor is another effective technique that points out funny aspects of shared experiences. It often begins with phrases like “Have you ever noticed…” or “Isn’t it funny how…” For example, “Ever notice how people at the gym look like they’re auditioning for a pain relief commercial?”
• Callback humor is a more advanced technique that refers to something funny from earlier in the conversation. It demonstrates active listening and quick thinking. For instance, if someone mentioned liking cats earlier in the conversation, you might later say, “Well, as our resident cat whisperer would agree…”
• Situational humor makes light of the current circumstances. It’s particularly useful for diffusing tension or awkwardness. For example, if there’s a technical glitch during a presentation, you might quip, “Looks like our slides are as excited to be here as we are!” 

Want more? Read on: How to Effortlessly Develop a Sense of Humor (& Humor Types)

The Eyes Have It

Did you know that prolonged eye contact triggers the release of oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone”? Let’s dive into the 4 types of gaze:

• Social Gaze: Looking at the eyes and mouth area. This gaze is ideal for everyday social interactions, casual conversations, and professional settings where you want to build rapport.
• Intimate Gaze: Encompasses a larger triangle including the chest. Reserve this gaze for close personal relationships or deep, emotional conversations where a stronger connection is appropriate.
• Power Gaze: Focuses on the area between the eyes and forehead. Employ this gaze in leadership roles, during negotiations, or when you need to assert authority and command respect.
• Peripheral Gaze: Indirect eye contact, often perceived as shy or untrustworthy. Use this gaze in cultures where direct eye contact is considered rude, or in situations where you want to appear non-threatening.

Keep in mind the 50/70 Rule when gazing: maintain eye contact 50% of the time while speaking and 70% while listening. Why? This amount of gaze shows attentiveness without appearing aggressive.

Pro Tip: Notice how others respond to your eye contact. Do they seem engaged? Uncomfortable? Use these cues to adjust your eye contact intensity and duration.

Raise Those Brows

An eyebrow raise is like a silent “wow” or “really?” It shows interest and engagement, and it’s universally recognized.

Use an eyebrow raise to emphasize important points or to show interest when someone else is speaking.

In fact, there are many ways we can be captivating with our eyebrows!

• Single Brow Raise: Skepticism or intrigue
• Double Brow Raise: Surprise or emphasis
• Quick Brow Flash: Recognition or greeting
• Sustained Brow Raise: Disbelief or sustained interest
• Furrowed Brows: Confusion or concentration

When public speaking, use emphatic eyebrow raises to underscore key points in your presentation. During negotiations, use a single brow raise to subtly express skepticism without being confrontational. And at social gatherings, flash your brows to acknowledge people across the room.

Who knew eyebrows could be so brow-some?

Make an Entrance to Remember

Your entrance sets the tone for your entire interaction. Captivating people know how to make an impact from the moment they step into a room.

Try this: When entering a room, walk purposefully towards a specific point or person. And if you’re greeting someone, try the “double clasp” handshake—shake hands and use your other hand for a gentle shoulder tap or second handshake.

That’s just the icing on the cake. If you want to make a lasting first impression that people won’t forget, check out this resource:

Who is The Most Captivating of All?

Remember, being captivating is a skill that can be practiced! Go slowly, and become the most captivating you that you can be!

Remember these key tips…

• The power of the lean: Using subtle forward movements to engage listeners
• Facial expressiveness: Enhancing communication through varied facial expressions
• Hand gestures: Amplifying your message with purposeful hand movements
• Owning your space: Projecting confidence through expansive body language
• Laughter and humor: Building connections through shared mirth
• Eye contact and eyebrow communication: Mastering nonverbal cues for engagement

To further develop your captivating skills, check out our in-depth guide on conversation starters: 68 Killer Conversation Starters So You Can Talk to Anyone