Do you know if someone likes you? Do you have someone in your life who potentially is giving you signals that they want go from friend to romantic partner?
If so, keep that person in mind as we go through each of the 5 cues of attraction.
Cue #1 Mirroring
Mirroring is when someone subtly is copying/mimicking your speech or speech patterns and nonverbal behavior. This is a way to test the waters regarding someone’s level of interest. Here are some verbal and nonverbal cues to determine if the other person is mirroring you:
- Does this person face you with their entire body? When someone’s top, torso and toes are angled toward you, this is known as fronting.
- Do they mimic your standing or seated posture?
- Do they copy your vocal volume and cadence?
- Do they use the same words or language as you?
Cue #2 Understanding Space
When you are in the same environment as others, the space between you and them can tell you a lot about the relationship. The fancy word for space is called proxemics. Here are some ways you can gauge another person’s level of interest:
- Does this person get really intimate with you by entering your intimate space zone? The intimate zone is 0-18 inches from your face.
- Leaning: Does this person lean in toward you or do they move away? Leaning is a nonverbal cue of partnership, agreeableness and camaraderie.
- Touch: Does this person find subtle ways to touch your arm or hand? We use touch to signal connection.
Cue #3 Asking Questions
This is a really big one. It is so easy to get lost in our own world that we forget to ask questions. When you are with this person, do they:
- Ask you deep questions and truly want to understand you, or do they just graze the surface with boring social scripts?
Cue #4 Eye Contact
Eye gazing and eye contact is like a superpower when you understand the meaning behind it. When you are with this person, do they:
- Drop their eye gaze by making a pattern from your eyes to your chest? This is known as intimate gazing.
- Does this person make eye contact with you for a longer time than with the average person?
If this person is making deep (intimate or extended) eye contact with you, you know you have the green light. They like you. Direct eye contact triggers a little hormone called oxytocin that helps us to feel connected and bonded to another person.
Cue #5 Emotional Attentiveness
People who are emotionally attentive to their surroundings have a high level of empathy. When you are with this person, do they do any or all of the following:
- Offer you their coat when it is cold outside?
- Are they attuned to your primary or secondary Love Languages?
- Is this person fully engaged in conversation with you, or are they constantly distracted by their phone?
- Do they ask deep questions and use responsive listening techniques?
As you were reading through these cues, did the person you have in mind match all four? If the answer is a definitive yes, you can take the next step of displaying a mutual sense of attraction and begin the process of getting to know them and experiencing them on a deeper level.
About Vanessa Van Edwards
Lead Investigator, Science of People
I’ve always wanted to know how people work, and that’s what Science of People is about. What drives our behavior? Why do people act the way they do? And most importantly, can you predict and change behavior to be more successful? I think the answer is yes. More about Vanessa.
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