First Date Tips: 19 Science-Backed Ways to Land a Second Date

The average person decides whether they want a second date within 42 minutes^{1https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/first-date-green-flags-red-203000498.html}of meeting someone. That’s less time than a typical TV episode—and yet those minutes carry enormous weight.

Here’s what most dating advice gets wrong: it focuses on performing confidence rather than building genuine connection. Research consistently shows that authenticity and curiosity outperform rehearsed charm. These 19 first date tips draw from peer-reviewed psychology studies and real-world dating experience to help you stop overthinking and start connecting.

What should you know before a first date? The fundamentals matter most: choose the right setting, prepare thoughtful questions, and focus on being genuinely curious rather than impressive. Let’s dive in.

Choose the Right Location

The venue you choose sets the emotional tone for your entire date and creates the vibe for everything that follows. Unless you know your date’s preferences, pick a neutral, low-pressure place where conversation flows naturally.

A fancy restaurant sounds romantic in theory. In practice, you might find yourself trapped across from someone you don’t click with, waiting for the entrée while counting ceiling tiles. A local bar or coffee shop offers an easy exit if things feel off—or the freedom to extend the date if you’re hitting it off.

First Date Ideas That Work

For a fun twist, try pool at a bar. It’s a pretty relaxed sort of game with plenty of room to chat but enough gameplay to fill lulls in conversation.

Activity-based dates work because they reduce what researchers call “dyadic stress”—the pressure of two strangers staring at each other with nothing but conversation to fill the silence. Having a third point of focus (a game, a walk, an exhibit) takes the edge off. Other great first date ideas include visiting a local museum, taking a scenic walk, trying mini golf, or checking out a farmers market together.

Ask These 5 Questions

If you experience social anxiety or tend toward quietness, having an engaging conversation with someone new can feel daunting. The good news: research^{2https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886905002849}shows that genuine curiosity beats rehearsed lines every time.

Skip the interview-style questions about jobs and hometowns. These conversation starters work better:

• Are you working on any personal passion projects?
• What’s the best present you ever gave someone?
• What does a typical day look like for you?
• What sort of vacations do you like to take?
• Anything surprising happen today?

These questions invite storytelling rather than one-word answers. They reveal values, creativity, and how someone thinks—far more useful information than where they went to college.

Never Say THESE Things on a First Date

Getting your mindset right before a date might sound fluffy, but research^{3https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298868.2011.639548}shows it makes a measurable difference. You can’t control chemistry or attraction, but you can control what comes out of your mouth.

Avoid these conversation landmines:

• “My mom says…” Parents are great, but they don’t belong on a first date—especially when you’re going in for a first kiss.
• Politics. These topics function as anti-social lubricant, creating division before connection has a chance to form.
• Numbers. Don’t ask how many dates they’ve been on or how long they’ve used dating apps. This leads to comparison traps that benefit no one.
• “When I was with my ex…” Mentioning past relationships can surface negative emotions for both of you and is often considered a deal-breaker.
• The Billboard Test. Before you say something, ask yourself: “Could I put this topic on a billboard with my face on it?” If not, save it for later.

Most importantly, keep conversation balanced. Show interest in your date and don’t dominate the conversation.

Want to make a lasting impression on your first date? Check out our book:

Be Aware of Your Body Language

Your nonverbal signals communicate more than your words. If you’re genuinely interested in what your date is saying, your body should reflect that. Uncross your arms. Tilt your head toward them. Lean in slightly.

Learning to hold eye contact without being intimidating helps you read their facial expressions and better gauge how they’re feeling in the moment. This awareness of body language signals attraction more powerfully than any pickup line.

Key Attraction Signals to Know

Research has identified three key attraction signals:

• Mirroring: Subtly matching their movements. Studies^{4https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-021-01197-3}show we naturally synchronize with people we like—not just visible gestures, but heart rate and breathing patterns. This happens unconsciously when connection is real, so don’t force it. Overt copying can feel creepy.
• Fronting: Facing your whole body toward them, including your feet. Where your toes point reveals where your attention goes.
• Leaning: Moving closer signals interest; pulling back signals discomfort.

Your body language also affects how you feel internally. Standing or sitting with open, confident posture can actually boost your own confidence during the date. Pay attention to nervous habits like fidgeting, crossing your arms, or avoiding eye contact—these can inadvertently signal disinterest even when you’re genuinely engaged.

Bonus: Research^{5http://spr.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/10/20/0265407514554512.abstract}shows sweet tastes make people feel more attracted to potential partners. Want to end on a high note? Suggest dessert.

Be Interested to Be Interesting

Everyone enjoys talking about themselves. When your date brings up something unfamiliar—whether it’s their niche hobby or obscure career—don’t shut down. Ask for more information.

Curiosity signals intelligence and enthusiasm for life. The psychology of attraction research shows that one of the best ways to bypass the brain’s naturally short attention span is to be genuinely engaging.

How to show authentic interest:

• Ask thoughtful follow-up questions about topics they bring up
• When conversation slows, dig deeper into their previous answers rather than jumping to new topics
• Let genuine curiosity guide you rather than relying on rehearsed stories
• Show enthusiasm when they share something they’re passionate about, especially their hobbies

Just don’t turn it into an interrogation. The goal is conversation, not a deposition.

Don’t Obsess Over Perfect Compatibility

Many daters dismiss potential partners over surface-level differences—different careers, different hobbies, different taste in music. This is a mistake.

A software developer might seem analytical and reserved on paper, but turn out to be one of the most creative people you’ll ever meet. Someone with completely different interests might share your core values around family, ambition, or adventure.

Research^{6http://www.livescience.com/15511-lasting-marriage-personality-match-matter.html}shows that personality differences can actually strengthen long-term relationships. Shared values predict relationship success far better than shared hobbies.

The caveat: similarity does drive initial attraction. You’ll likely feel more immediate chemistry with someone who seems “like you.” But that spark isn’t always a reliable indicator of long-term compatibility. Sometimes the best connections require a second look.

Why Differences Can Strengthen Relationships

Consider how complementary traits often work better than identical ones. An introvert paired with an extrovert might find balance—one person energizes social situations while the other creates space for deeper one-on-one connection. Someone spontaneous paired with a planner can experience both adventure and stability. Rather than seeking a mirror image of yourself, look for someone whose differences complement your strengths and challenge you to grow.

Dress for Confidence, Not Just Looks

Feeling comfortable in your clothes is your greatest style asset.

When you feel at ease in your outfit, you can focus on the fun part: getting to know your date. Fidgeting with an uncomfortable waistband or worrying about a too-short hem pulls mental energy away from connection.

Your pre-date checklist:

• Choose clothes that match both the venue and your personality
• Pick something you’ve worn before and know you feel great in
• Pay attention to grooming and hygiene
• Dress for the weather (nothing kills your vibe like being too hot or cold)

Your best style lets your authentic self shine through—not a costume version of who you think your date wants to meet.

Text Smart Before You Meet

The magic often starts before you meet in person. Research^{7https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563215300820?via%3Dihub}shows that building light rapport through texting can create a sense of connectedness for those with anxieties around dating, reducing first-date jitters. But here’s the key: you need to balance staying connected without overdoing it.

How Long Should You Wait Before a First Date?

One common question is timing: how long should you wait before a first date after matching or connecting online? The sweet spot is typically 3-7 days of messaging before meeting in person. This gives you enough time to establish basic rapport and confirm the person seems safe and interesting, without building up so much anticipation that the real-life meeting can’t match expectations. Waiting too long—more than two weeks—often leads to fizzled interest or over-investment in someone you’ve never actually met.

The sweet spot for pre-date texting:

• Keep messages light and positive
• Share small details about your day to build familiarity
• Ask occasional questions that show you remember previous conversations
• Save the deeper getting-to-know-you conversations for the date itself

Need inspiration? Check out 190 Good Conversation Starters For Texting.

Prioritize Safety (Without Sacrificing Fun)

The most confident and relaxed daters usually have solid backup plans in place. No matter how many messages you’ve exchanged or mutual friends you share, meeting someone for the first time means meeting a stranger. This is especially important when meeting someone through online dating for the first time.

Best practices for meeting someone in person for the first time through online dating:

• Drive yourself or arrange your own transportation
• Meet in a well-lit public place
• Share your location with a trusted friend
• Keep your phone charged and accessible
• Let at least two people know where you will be and your date’s name

You can leave anytime you feel uncomfortable. The right person will respect your boundaries from the start.

Make Your Stories Count

Skip the resume rundown and rehearsed tales. Research^{8https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10904018.2015.1037445}shows we connect better with people who share authentic, meaningful stories. But not every story that’s exciting to tell is exciting to hear.

The best dating stories:

• Show your values in action
• Include a bit of vulnerability
• Have a positive or funny ending
• Give your date easy ways to relate or respond

Share how you discovered your passion for cooking through a hilarious kitchen disaster, rather than listing your accomplishments. Tell the story of helping a stranger that made you rethink your career path, instead of just stating your job title. Show passion—if they ask what you do in life, don’t just say “I work in IT.” You chose that career for a reason. Show how enthusiastic you are. Passion and enthusiasm are contagious.

For more on this skill, check out How to Tell a Great Story.

Stay True to Your Timeline

Looking for something serious? Keeping it casual for now? Before you even pick a spot for your date, get clear about what you want.

Different kinds of goals have different date approaches—plan accordingly. If you’re looking for a relationship, for example, choose somewhere not too loud and where you can hear each other properly.

Being honest with yourself about your dating goals helps you be more authentic on the date itself. You’ll choose better locations, ask more relevant questions, and give off clearer signals about what you’re looking for.

Be a Class Act About Money

Nothing kills romance faster than awkwardness about the bill. A simple rule: if you asked for the date, offer to pay. But modern dating etiquette has more nuance than that.

Here’s straightforward advice: don’t ask them to split or pay—you plan the date and you pay. If they’re insistent on paying, tell them they’ve got the next date. This smooth response turns a potentially awkward moment into a playful hint at date number two.

From the other side of the table, if this is a “getting food/drinks” date of any kind and the other person is paying, pick something of equal or lesser value to what they’re ordering.

The key: handle money matters with grace and consideration. Whether you’re treating or being treated, a little awareness keeps the focus where it belongs—on getting to know each other.

Read (and Respect) Social Cues

Dating success often comes down to noticing the little signals. Think of it like a dance—the best partners read and respond to each other’s movements. Some people call it chemistry, but really, it’s about paying attention.

Watch for signs of interest or discomfort:

• Are they leaning in or pulling back?
• Do their questions feel genuinely curious or merely polite?
• Are they building on your conversation or giving short answers?
• Does their smile reach their eyes?
• Are they mirroring your gestures and energy?
• Do they seem relaxed or tense?

Most importantly, respect what these cues tell you. If someone’s body language signals discomfort, give them space—regardless of what their words say. And remember: when someone’s truly interested, their whole being tends to show it, from their toes pointing toward you to their genuine laughter at your jokes.

Navigate Physical Touch Thoughtfully

Physical chemistry matters in dating, but rushing it can ruin a great connection. Research^{9https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/002188637200800503}shows that appropriate touch increases attraction—but timing is everything.

Start small with low-key touching like hand holding, but be respectful about it. Asking “Do you mind if we hold hands?” shows consideration. When you first meet, go with the gentle one-arm hug rather than anything too forward.

Read the moment and respect boundaries:

• Begin with safe, socially acceptable touches like a brief hello hug
• Let touch happen naturally through shared activities
• Pay attention to how they respond—if they stiffen or pull away, take the hint
• Remember that good chemistry builds gradually

The most memorable connections often start with small moments—a light brush of hands while reaching for drinks, a steady arm while walking on uneven ground, or a genuine hug when the moment feels right. As for the first kiss, let it happen naturally if the moment feels right at the end of the date, but don’t force it if the chemistry isn’t there yet.

Handle Awkward Moments With Grace

Even great first dates have awkward moments. The weird silences, the drink you accidentally spill, the joke that doesn’t quite land—they’re all part of being human. Sometimes these imperfect moments make a date more memorable than a perfectly polished one.

Here’s a helpful perspective: you’re probably both nervous. You’re both hoping it’s gonna be a fun date if you show up and want to have a good time. While you’re nervous, the other person is secretly also your cheerleader because that person also wants you to be fun.

When silence falls or something awkward happens:

• Acknowledge it lightly if appropriate
• Keep your sense of humor
• Remember your date is probably just as nervous
• Use the moment to be authentically human

Are first dates usually awkward? Often, yes. That’s completely normal. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s genuine connection despite the nerves. Embracing the awkwardness rather than fighting it often leads to more authentic interactions.

Bring Back Playful Moments

Who says dating has to be serious and grown-up? The most memorable connections happen when both people let their guard down and tap into playfulness.

Here’s a secret: things that were fun as you were a kid are still fun now. Thumb wrestling, silly games and all that are good ways to have some easy fun.

Research^{10https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/evolutionary-human-sciences/article/adult-playful-individuals-have-more-long-and-shortterm-relationships/C6F025906BD5678DC13F723E5FD6BF77}backs this up: playfulness in adults is directly associated with relationship success. Sharing a laugh creates faster chemistry than any rehearsed conversation.

Want to lighten the mood? Try:

• Simple games like “two truths and a lie”
• People-watching challenges (“What’s that person’s story?”)
• Silly bets about trivial things
• Sharing embarrassing (but funny) stories
• Creating inside jokes about your surroundings

Build Connection Through Food Choices

What you order might matter more than you think. Research^{11https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1057740816300481}has found that sharing similar foods helps people form deeper connections and trust each other^{12https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcps.2016.06.003}more quickly.

Food choices reveal subtle things about personality and values. Do you both dive into spicy dishes? Share a sweet tooth? Get excited about trying new cuisines? These small alignments can hint at deeper compatibility. Plus, sharing food is inherently intimate—we literally trust what we put in our bodies.

Want an easy way to build rapport? Share a small plate or appetizer. Just keep it natural—authentic food choices tell a better story than trying to mirror your date’s order.

Make an Entrance (and Exit) Worth Remembering

Ever notice how the beginning and end of experiences stick in memory most? Psychology calls this the primacy and recency effect^{13https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.3758/BF03333797.pdf}. It’s especially true for first dates.

Everyone knows first impressions matter. But that final impression might be just as important for landing date number two.

Keep the entrance simple: be on time, be yourself, and be honest. Maintain that authentic energy throughout. But here’s where most people slip up—they let the date peter out until it ends with an awkward “well, this was fun…”

Instead, master the exit:

• End on a high note (don’t wait for the energy to fade)
• Be clear about your interest in seeing them again
• Follow up within 24 hours if you’d like another date
• Keep the goodbye warm but brief

Think of your date like a great song: you want a strong opening and an even stronger finish. Those moments will likely be what your date remembers when deciding about that second date.

Don’t Sweat the Follow-up

“Should I text now? Tomorrow morning? In 24 hours? Did they even like me? I don’t want to come on too strong!”

Many of us have experienced post-date anxieties and overthinking. These thoughts are valid, but here’s the truth: how you approach that first follow-up probably isn’t going to make or break your chances for a second date.

Take a deep breath, relax, and message them when you feel ready.

A simple approach works best: after time has passed, shoot them an upfront message. “Hey, I really enjoyed last night and I would love to have a second date. Are you free to (do X activity) on (X date) at (X time)?”

It really doesn’t need to be more complicated than that.

If they’re interested, they’ll either say yes or suggest another time. If they just say they’re “busy” without offering an alternative, take the hint and leave the ball in their court.

Frequently Asked Questions About First Dates

What should I wear on a first date?

Your outfit should match the setting and activity while showcasing your personal style. Dressing in something comfortable that makes you feel confident matters more than trying to impress.

What are good conversation topics for a first date?

Discuss light and engaging topics like hobbies, travel experiences, or music. These subjects spark genuine interest and connection. Steer clear of heavier topics like politics or past relationships early on.

How do I handle awkward silences during a date?

Awkward silences are completely normal. Preparing a few fun or thought-provoking questions in advance can help keep conversation flowing. Commenting on your surroundings creates natural segues into new topics.

How long should a first date last?

Aim for 1-2 hours. This gives enough time to get to know each other while maintaining excitement for future meetings.

Who should pay on a first date?

As a general rule, if you initiated the date, offer to pay. If your date insists on splitting, suggest they can grab the bill for the second date.

What should I avoid on a first date?

Avoid oversharing or monopolizing conversation. Don’t check your phone frequently—this signals disinterest. Steer clear of sensitive topics like exes or politics unless the other person brings them up.

What are deal-breakers on a first date?

According to recent surveys^{1https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/first-date-green-flags-red-203000498.html}, 78.9% of people consider “not being independent” a major red flag. Other common deal-breakers include rudeness to service staff, constant phone checking, and talking only about yourself.

First Date Tips Takeaway

First dates are an opportunity to connect with someone new—not a performance to be graded.

1. Choose a low-pressure venue where conversation flows naturally and you can leave easily if needed.
2. Ask questions that invite stories, not one-word answers. Genuine curiosity beats rehearsed charm.
3. Let your body language match your interest. Uncross your arms, lean in, and let natural synchrony happen.
4. Focus on values over variables. Surface-level differences matter less than shared core values.
5. Handle money and touch with grace. When in doubt, ask. Consent is attractive.
6. End strong. Your exit matters as much as your entrance for securing date number two.
7. Don’t overthink the follow-up. If you had a good time, say so. Simplicity wins.

Want to make sure you don’t sabotage your chances? Check out 7 Things You Should Never Say on a First Date to avoid common pitfalls.