Working up the courage to talk to new people can be a huge and terrifying challenge. It’s even harder when the person you want to approach is a cute girl that you’re dying to spark up a conversation with, hoping to earn a date. Luckily, though, there are ways you can drastically increase your chances of making a great impression and reduce your fear of rejection. 

Here are five simple steps to teach you how to approach girls (and wow them!).

Look for Go Signals

Before you worry about what you are going to say or do to approach girls, you first need to understand when you should approach them. Oftentimes, timing can mean the difference between being ignored and winning a date. 

Here are some examples of when you should and shouldn’t approach a girl:

  • Do approach a girl if she is sitting/standing and looks relaxed. People who are in a positive mood and show open body language tend to be more willing to have conversations.
  • Do approach if you’ve noticed her sending several glances and/or smiles your way. If this happens, she likely is interested in you and wants you to start a conversation.
  • Don’t approach a girl if she looks upset. Chances are if she is having a bad day, she’s not going to respond positively to getting hit on by a stranger.
  • Don’t approach a girl if she is deeply preoccupied with something. Interrupting her won’t make a good first impression.

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Create an Instant Connection with Your Eyes

As soon as you approach a girl, the first thing you want to do is make eye contact. This is important for two reasons: 

  1. It shows confidence.
  2. It creates a sense of closeness.

When you make eye contact with someone, it triggers the production of oxytocin, aka “the cuddle hormone.” While the amount generated from eye contact won’t create any strong feelings of closeness, it does establish a sense of trust with the girl you’re talking to, making her more willing to have a conversation.

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Approach from the Side

Women, more so than men, are typically on guard when surrounded by strangers. Approaching a woman from behind or the front can be intimidating because she fears being attacked. Instead, slowly approach girls from a side angle so they can see you coming and prepare for your presence, rather than be startled by it.

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Prove You’re Worth Talking To

Studies have found that people are incredibly judgmental and hesitant when they first meet people. Girls especially are often raised to be wary of guys they don’t know. They immediately look for answers to questions such as the following before deciding whether they should talk to someone:

  • What do they want from me?
  • Is this someone I can trust?
  • Are they worth my time?

The faster you can help girls answer those questions, the faster they’ll become comfortable with you and be willing to engage in a conversation. Here are some examples of conversation starters with easy to understand intentions:

  • Ask them for advice. “Where’s a good place to eat around here?” “Is it worth signing up at this gym? What’d you like about it?” This is a great way to determine if you share a mutual interest.
  • Be playful. “I have an emergency. [Dramatic pause.] I can’t decide whether to order the café Americano or the caffè latte. Which do you think I should get?” Bonus: If you’re both at a coffee shop, it’s reasonable to assume the other person is a coffee junkie too, and is likely to discuss their favorite drinks with you.
  • Ask them for a favor. “Hey, can you hold my jacket for a sec while I grab these drinks?”
  • Make a stand (but don’t overdo it). Warning: For advanced students only. This isn’t about being a rude jerk. That said, you’re attractive when you’re passionate about something and have an opinion about it. Avoid religion and politics. Safe topics include movies, music, food, and anything else you’d feel comfortable discussing with your grandma. “Texas BBQ is the best and no one can convince me otherwise.” Say it with a smile so people don’t take you too seriously.

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Show that You are Harmless

Women’s brains are programmed to read men’s body language. From the moment you approach them, their subconscious is analyzing the way you hold your body and your every move, to decide how they feel about you.

The key is using body language that shows you are friendly.

Bottom Line: Use These Signals to Help Girls Feel at Ease

  • Open body language; open torso with nothing blocking you.
  • Direct eye contact upon approach.
  • Visible hands to reassure them you are not going to hurt them.

56 replies on “How to Approach Girls”

  1. Lukas

    Thanks for the tips. I’m 27 and this one girl I like, she is beautiful, but I don’t know if she is interested. She didn’t show any of those tips. Should I even try to talk to her?
    I’m always afraid to go to any girl and start a conversation and ask for her number. Asking for her number is really straightforward and I don’t understand how somebody could do it just like that.
    Please what should I do?

  2. Jack

    But to put any of your great tips – here or elsewhere – into practice, a guy has to actually be able to visualize the possibility of success with a woman in the first place. I’m 37, never asked a woman out and never been kissed. I have tried for decades to accept that a woman somewhere might find me attractive enough to talk to – and perhaps even date – but no matter what anyone says, I can’t do it. This is why I’m chronically single. Thanks for your help, but some of us are hopeless.

  3. Carl

    Most women are very extremely difficult to approach nowadays unfortunately since a great deal of these women now are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, greedy, spoiled, picky, narcissists, and very money hungry today as well. And lets not forget how many women that are real gold diggers nowadays that are going with much older men that have the big bucks today, and they will only want the very best of all which they will never settle for an ordinary man. Back in the past most women were the very complete opposite of today, and that is why it was so much easier in those days to approach a woman with no problem.

  4. Eric

    wow! thanks for the tips.
    Now I need help! This girl looks so beautiful to my standards but whenever I meet her,she’s always trying to look at me and whenever I look back,she waves at me.
    This has happened several times and am just confused whether she’s interest in me or it’s me interested in her?Thanks

    1. Fabian

      Bro, you`ve got the jackpot. Go and talk to her. Don´t be a douche just because you know it´s gonna be easy (and it will be, she is clearly interested)
      Good luck man

      1. David

        Appreciate the tips 💯 I grab a hot chocolate after every training session @ my local cafe . There’s this girl working there and I always catch her giving me the sneaky looks from a distance. But when I approach to order I can’t say anything and we both act award 😂 idk .

    2. Matthew Parada

      Ok now, I just need to work on being more confident, how can I do that, also, how do I start off the conversation? Please any tips?

  5. Arthur

    Literally every article I’ve read on dating / approaching / etc., assumes – implicitly or explicitly – that every guy gets signals from at least one woman and he just has to learn how to read them to realize this. Why can’t people just be honest and admit that some guys are fundamentally unattractive and as such do not get signals from any woman. For guys like this, approaching any woman at at any time in any way is creepy. This is not to blame women at all – attraction is not a choice and some guys simply cannot attract any woman no matter what they do.

  6. Steve

    Very difficult to approach a woman that many of us single guys would really like to meet, and they just don’t want to be bothered at all.

  7. Mike

    Most women today unfortunately just don’t want to be approached at all which is real fact, especially the ones that are very nasty with an attitude problem to begin with. Back in the old days it would had never been a problem since most women were very very different in those days.

    1. Joseph Welch

      The shots you don’t take are one hundred percent a miss. Increase the possibility by being open to rejection or acceptance. Take either with grace. You are awesome.

  8. Myself

    I just don’t like doing it.

    I grew up listening to my mom and sisters complain about men’s unwanted advances , at least this point it’s as taboo to me as canabalism.

    I’m an outgoing guy so my strategy is to have as many female friends as I can and wait for them to initiate a relationship.

    In any case saying it’s a “man’s job” is equally sexist as telling a women to “get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich”!

    Frankly, if she’s too weak to do this small part , she wouldn’t be strong enough to be a serious, long term partner.

  9. Peter

    I will never approach any woman unless she gives me clear signals she wants me to. I have never gotten a signal from any woman so I have never approached even though I have been / am very attracted to some. Approaching without a signal (invitation) would likely get me charged with harassment so I will not show my interest first.

    1. Tom Fitt

      Most women don’t want to be approached or smiled at or even looked at. At least, in my experience. So, I’m happy to oblige and avoid any unpleasantness or worse, charges. Women are, of course, welcome to approach me. I wouldn’t dream of humiliating anyone who merely found me attractive enough to accost.

      1. Drew

        Actually, women DO want to be approached, smiled and looked at, as long as the guy is hot. If he’s not hot, then she won’t want to be approached, smiled at or looked at by him.

  10. Fred Mujawo Uganda

    Thank You Somuch For Your Dating Tips. I’ll Be Putting Them In Practice Everytime I Approach A Girl. Thanks Again !

  11. Cade

    This is one of the most clear and straight forwards articles I’ve seen about this. Just gotta go try it out now.

  12. Brian verakz

    Hy, now am confidence to aproach a girl. Nowadays i maintain eye contact when aproaching a girl. Thanks very much!!

  13. Samuel

    Thanks for being our mentor. More knowledge from God to you for us. Still need a lot of help to boost staying power with a lady. My fear is that I don’t wanna get anyone hurt. How to get free from it. I need freedom.

  14. mel

    Wow! I like this I just stayed there by waiting for miracles but this was the miracle itself thanks alot for being helpful.

  15. enlightened

    Thanks for this good advices, i tried it today and it works. Women are more comfortable with you and the chances for a date increases a lot.

  16. J brozky

    Thank you so much for your advice. Am sure it’s gonna make me successful in life basing on date

  17. Ndaba sithwale

    I love the dating tips they actually work for me
    Easy to understand the steps u have to follow when approaching..

  18. James

    Wow, your dating advice is way better than David DeAngelo. He tries to explain it in a much longer and convoluted fashion and the psychology, but you get right to the point, you say everything he says in just one article! I do the same thing as you, and give dating advice for women.

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