“How do I know if someone is attracted to me?” I get asked this question all the time and I get it; wondering if someone is interested in you can be super nerve-wracking. Whether or not the attraction is mutual, being uncertain about what type of relationship you have with someone is a recipe for awkward situations. 

I want to save you from the awkwardness of unknown attraction.

Here are three scientific clues that someone is attracted to you:

They Enter Your Personal Bubble

People are physically drawn to those they are attracted to. While someone who feels friendly or indifferent toward you typically will remain two to ten feet away, someone who is attracted to you will get much closer.

There are three ways people will enter your personal bubble:

  1. They stand 0-18 inches from you. This is the intimate zone and you can feel the change when someone enters your personal space.
  2. They lean their body toward you.
  3. They sit next to you in your intimate zone.

I often see this when a date at a restaurant is going well.  Both people will lean over the table to get as close as possible. Likewise, people who just met at a bar will move progressively closer to one another if their interaction is going well.

If you suspect someone might be attracted to you, observe how close they position themselves near other people, and compare that to how they behave around you. The more dramatic the contrast, the greater the chance they are attracted to you. 

You Can Feel It

Literally. This one is probably a no-brainer; when someone is attracted to you, they want to touch you. Touch releases the bonding hormone oxytocin. So, it is an instinctive way of trying to strengthen your connection.

However, not all touches mean the same thing. Some people naturally are driven to engage in more touching than others, which is why the type of touch matters just as much, if not more, than the quantity.

Psychologists have created a body map that explains how the majority of people feel about touch. It’s simple: starting with the hand, the higher you go up the arm, the more intimate the touch. It’s the opposite for backs. The lower on the back you go, the more intimate the touch. 

This is why handshakes are considered a professional touch, while people rarely put their hand on the lower back of someone they don’t have a personal relationship with. So, if someone increases the intimacy of their touches, it’s a sign that they feel comfortable around you and want to get closer.

Watch for Their Eye Gaze

Like touch, eye contact triggers the release of oxytocin. When someone is attracted to you, they subconsciously will try engaging in lots of mutual eye contact. They do this to feel closer to you, and because they are interested in you and what you are saying. 

You have to keep in mind, though, in America especially, many people will maintain a steady eye gaze as a sign of respect and confidence. However, like touch, eye contact has different levels of intimacy. Whether someone feels merely friendly toward you or they are interested in something deeper will show in the pattern their eyes make.

Here’s the difference between friendly gazing and intimate gazing:  


The left picture shows the pattern people’s eyes make when they are friendly with someone. Their eyes rarely drop below the mouth. When someone is attracted to you, however, their eyes go eye-eye-chest, which is a much more intimate way of gazing.

About Vanessa Van Edwards

Vanessa Van Edwards is a national best selling author & founder at Science of People. Her groundbreaking book, Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People has been translated into more than 16 languages. As a recovering awkward person, Vanessa helps millions find their inner charisma. She regularly leads innovative corporate workshops and helps thousands of individual professionals in her online program People School. Vanessa works with entrepreneurs, growing businesses, and trillion dollar companies; and has been featured on CNN, BBC, CBS, Fast Company, Inc., Entrepreneur Magazine, USA Today, the Today Show and many more.

6 replies on “3 Ways to Instantly Tell When Someone is Attracted to You”

  1. Marshall

    It’s very simple for me to answer the question, “is she attracted to me?” in every case: No she is not. No woman ever has been or could be because I am fundamentally unattractive.

    1. Jennifer

      You have an internal dialogue, a very powerful one, you should Set straight. Become the person you want to attract, how about that?

  2. Eric Burson

    What I think is someone’s spark lights someone else’s fire. That sounds more like chemistry. I’m no chemist but I have been set on fire by a spark.

  3. MT

    Exactly what I needed to learn more about. Widowed after over 50 years of a great marriage, I’m wading into the dating game again. Thanks

  4. Jade.M

    hi im always wondering if someone finds me attractive but i dont wanna be wrong !!
    ughh feelings these days <3

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