29 Tips to Talk to Your Crush (Without The Awkwardness!)

You see them across the hallway by themself. Your heart is thudding in your chest; your palms are sweaty. You put one foot in front of the other and walk toward them. Your stomach is turning flips. All you need to do is say “hello.” You got this. You got this!

You can relate to this scenario if you’ve ever had a crush. Building up the nerve to talk to them can be one of the most nerve-wracking experiences known to humankind.

But there are ways to overcome these feelings and connect with your crush! In this article, we’ll show you exactly what to do.

Tips For Breaking the Ice With Your Crush

Perhaps you’ve been admiring your crush from afar and are finally ready to break the ice and speak to them. Let’s explore some ideas to melt that introductory chill when approaching your crush.

We’ll make sure you don’t end up like this poor pooch:

The power of genuine compliments

Everyone enjoys being appreciated. A sincere compliment can spark sunshine into your crush’s day and leave a positive impression. 

One study suggested that appreciating someone can reduce their feelings of stress^{1https://www.umkc.edu/facultyombuds/documents/grant_gino_jpsp_2010.pdf}. And another study^{2https://hbr.org/2021/02/a-simple-compliment-can-make-a-big-difference} found that we consistently underestimate the positive impacts our compliments can have on others.

Perhaps it’s the quirky journal they jot down notes in during a meeting or how they always ask curious questions.

Being sincere can go a long way. It can disarm them and create a moment of genuine connection.

Action Step: When you’re around your crush, find something you genuinely appreciate about them and muster up the courage to say, “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice your [specific item/quality]. It’s cool!” 

You can then segue this into a more extended conversation. Or if it took all your courage to say the compliment and you had run away after that, you’d still have broken the ice! 

Here are some possible things you could complement:

• A quality of their personality (curiosity, kindness, aesthetic taste, humor, etc.). Studies suggest^{3https://digitalcommons.sacredheart.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1186&context=acadfest} that this type of compliment is the most meaningful.
• A specific moment (when they said something memorable at the meeting or in class)
• Something they own/wear (cool shoes, fun t-shirt, etc.)

Curiosity about the mundane

The world’s a fascinating place if you look closely enough. There’s potential magic in everyday objects and occurrences, especially if they ignite genuine curiosity.

Action Step: You may have seen them always carrying a specific brand of coffee or wearing a particular sports cap. Use it as a conversation starter: “I’ve always been curious about [that brand of coffee/the story behind the cap]. Is it as good as they say?”

Harness the power of shared happenings

Whether it’s a quirky weather pattern, a local event, or an upcoming holiday, these are universally shared experiences that are easy to chat about.

Action Step: Next time you find yourself close to your crush, casually bring up something current: “Can you believe this sudden downpour in summer?” or “Do you think you’ll go to the town’s annual jazz festival this year?” 

This can be a low-pressure way to find common ground and build a connection. Once you develop some rapport, you can slowly broach more personal terrain in the conversation.

Tips to Help Keep the Conversation Going with Your Crush

You’ve sparked the flame, but how do you fan it? Let’s keep that chat momentum rolling with your crush!

The “more” factor

Showing genuine interest and curiosity will take you a very long way.

Being interested and asking follow-up questions shows you’re listening and that you value what they’re saying.

When you ask questions, you get to know them more deeply and allow them to find a new insight about themselves.

As Dale Carnegie says in his famous book How to Win Friends and Influence People, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Action Step: If they mention a hobby, instead of just nodding, probe a bit with questions like, “How did you get into that?” or “What’s the most challenging part about it?” or “What do you like most about it?”

Allow yourself to express genuine curiosity and let their answers guide the conversation.

Share what’s important to you

Asking questions is a great start and can take a conversion pretty far. But the conversation will feel too one-sided if you don’t share about yourself.

The essence of any profound connection lies in authenticity. If you want your crush to get to know you truly, you need to peel back the layers and share what you care about. 

Whether it’s your dream job, the book that changed your perspective, or your grandma’s Sunday roast recipe, sharing these tidbits offers a glimpse into your world. It’s not so important what you share, but the passion and energy behind it.

Action Step: Next time you’re chatting, set the intention to reveal something about yourself. If someone they say reminds you of something you care about, go for it! It will showcase your genuine side, and your enthusiasm might be contagious. 

Here are some possible parts of yourself you could share:

• Dreams or aspirations you have
• Something you’re proud of
• A sentimental memory
• Something you’re afraid of
• Your favorite music, TV shows, or books that strongly impacted you

Embrace the joy of storytelling

Everyone has a story or two worth sharing, including when you accidentally turned your white laundry pink or got lost in a foreign city. These tales, funny or poignant, make us human and relatable.

Action Step: After discussing a topic, relate it to a personal anecdote. If your crush mentions a favorite vacation spot, you could say, “Oh, that reminds me of the time I went to [a similar place] and had this wild experience…” Not only does it keep the convo going, but it also paints a vivid picture of your life’s adventures.

You might enjoy this article if you want to improve your storytelling skills.

Toss your filter

The mental filter is the ultimate conversation blocker. 

When you have topics you feel like you’re not “supposed” to talk about, each puts a filter over your impulses that blocks specific thoughts from coming through.

There are some filters you might want to keep in place when first meeting someone—for example, perhaps they don’t need to know the state of your new upper thigh rash quite yet. 

But the more filters you put on yourself, the more stunted you’ll feel. Your impulses will get blocked, and you’ll get stuck in your head, second-guessing yourself.

Conversations feel invigorating and authentic when both people surrender to their impulses.

When we overthink every phrase or question, fearful of judgments or misinterpretations, our conversations turn robotic or stall completely.

Action Step: Next time you chat with your crush, try letting go of your filter as much as possible. If a thought or association pops into your head, share it (within respectful bounds)! 

Use this prompt as much as you’d like in the conversation: “Oh, that just made me think of…”  

Admit: “You make me nervous”

Have you ever felt those fluttery butterflies in your tummy when around your crush? Vulnerability has charm; sometimes, just laying your cards on the table can break the tension. 

Admitting you’re a little nervous portrays you as genuine and can make your crush feel special, knowing they affect you. Plus, it can help in dispelling any awkwardness in the air.

There are also ways to do this playfully that can keep the conversation light and flirty.

This is a flirting tool that Jack Harlow, whom the internet has dubbed the “Master of Rizz,” uses all the time. 

Here’s one example:

Timestamp 5:55-6:04 

Action Step: During a lighter conversation, let out a soft chuckle and admit, “You know, you make me nervous in a good way.” 

These conversation tips should give you enough tools to spark a great conversation with your crush. 

And there are more tools to learn! Conversation is an art form. If you’d like to dig deeper and understand the three key steps of a successful conversation so that you can create even smoother conversations with your crush, you might enjoy this free training:

Tips for What Body Language to Use When Talking to Your Crush

Beyond words, the subtle dance of body language can speak volumes; let’s decode those non-verbal cues to vibe right with your crush.

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Subconsciously mirroring someone’s body language indicates rapport and comfort. 

One study^{4https://www.researchgate.net/publication/251630934_Retail_salespeople’s_mimicry_of_customers_Effects_on_consumer_behavior} found that when sales clerks mirror the customer, the customer is more likely to make a purchase, feel fondly toward the store and the sales clerk, and take a recommendation from the sales clerk. 

Mirroring is a phenomenon that happens naturally when two people are genuinely connecting. You might notice you’re both leaning on one elbow, using similar hand gestures, or even adopting the same posture.

But you can also intentionally mirror to build more feelings of rapport and connection when talking with your crush. Just be careful not to overdo it because it might appear contrived.

Action Step: Next time you’re chatting with your crush, try subtly mirroring a gesture or posture of theirs. If they cross their legs, give it a beat and then do the same. Remember, subtlety is the key. 

And while mirroring can help, it won’t replace genuine presence.

If you’re interested, here’s an article that dives deeper into the practice of mirroring.

Connect eye-to-eye

Maintaining good eye contact is a clear sign of interest and attentiveness. It shows that you’re fully present in the conversation. Plus, studies suggest^{5https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01262/full} that mutual eye contact can cause arousal.

However, there’s a delicate balance to strike; you want to avoid the extremes of a piercing stare-down or shifty, evasive eyes.

Action Step: During your conversation, shoot to hold eye contact for 70% of the time when they’re speaking. While speaking, see if you can make eye contact about 33% of the time.

If you feel it’s getting too intense, breaking it by looking to the side or gathering your thoughts is okay.

Open your body

An open stance—uncrossed arms, relaxed shoulders, and facing the person—indicates openness and receptiveness. 

It shows you’re comfortable and engaged. On the contrary, a closed-off stance, like crossed arms or turning away, might signal discomfort or disinterest.

Action Step: Open your body when talking to your crush. If you catch yourself in a hiding or defensive pose, take a deep breath and adjust. Make sure you’re facing them, and keep your torso and feet pointed in their direction, showing them they have your full attention.

Tips for Getting Past These Common Fears When Talking to Your Crush

Starting a conversation with a crush is a real feat! There are lots of fears to overcome. Let’s unpack those common fears and equip you with the confidence boosters to chat up your crush fearlessly.

How to overcome the fear of rejection

Rejection is scary for all of us; it’s human. It can conjure up feelings of low self-worth or a lack of belonging.

However, the key is to see rejection not as a reflection of your worth but as a part of life’s process. It can help to view rejection as a step closer to living the life you want. 

If you are especially sensitive to rejection, you might appreciate this article.

Action Step: Before you approach your crush, remind yourself of the following:

• If they aren’t interested, you won’t die. You’ll have other crushes in the future
• Every rejection you receive in life makes you stronger and brings you closer to the life you want for yourself

How to overcome your fear of running out of things to say

So many of us are terrified of the awkward silence. The possibility of having nothing to say and getting caught in a wordless limbo of insecurity is a thing from nightmares.

To help you overcome this fear, you can come into the conversation with a few life-saving topics in your back pocket. Knowing they are there can boost your confidence even if you don’t use them.

Action Step: Before you find yourself in a conversation with your crush, think of two life savers. You might consider the following:

• An interesting question (“Okay, here’s a question. Would you spend the next year if you won the lottery tomorrow?”
• Something interesting you learned or read recently

Here’s a great list if you’d like more conversation topic ideas.

How to release your pre-conversation jitters

One tried-and-true method to calm pre-conversation jitters is the box breathing technique. 

Studies have shown^{6https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5455070/} that breathing techniques like box breathing reduce stress and anxiety.

This is a technique championed by Navy SEALs to calm down before combat. If it works for life-threatening situations, it can help cool the nerves when trying to muster the courage to chat with a crush!

Action Step: Before you head over to start the conversation, do four rounds of box breathing. Follow these steps

• Inhale for a count of four
• Hold for a count of four
• Exhale for a count of four
• Hold for a count of four
• Repeat!

Avoid These Mistakes When Talking to Your Crush

Even the best of us can stumble, but why not sidestep those pitfalls? Here’s the scoop on what not to do when wooing your crush.

Lying to impress

We’ve all seen it in rom-com: the exaggerated story or outright lie to seem more interesting. In reality? Not so charming. 

Lies have a way of coming to light, and the fallout is rarely worth the fleeting admiration. And even if your lie isn’t discovered, no healthy relationship can be built on a foundation of lies.

Be genuine. Your real experiences and feelings are more captivating than any embellished tales. 

Putting them on a pedestal

When you’re head over heels, seeing your crush as perfect is tempting. But no one can live up to that! 

Moreover, it puts undue pressure on both of you, can prevent a genuine connection, and almost guarantees that you’ll act weird.

Take off the rose-tinted glasses. Appreciate them, but remember they have flaws and quirks, just like everyone else.

Action Step: Before talking with your crush, consider the following:

• They have fears, anxieties, and insecurities
• They eat food, go to the bathroom, and drink water, just like everyone else
• There are areas of life that you know more about than they do

The monologue mistake

Being a chatterbox might show enthusiasm, but it’s a conversation buzzkill if you do all the talking and don’t let them get a word in edgewise.

Even if it means no awkward gaps, it can be unpleasant for the other person if you don’t stop talking.

Action Step: If you know you tend to fill space with chatter when you’re nervous, then remember to:

• Pause and leave gaps for your crush to jump in
• Ask questions. And then follow-up questions!

The interrogation slip

Conversely, bombarding someone with questions without offering personal anecdotes can feel more like an interview than a fun chat.

I know this is a defense mechanism of mine—when I feel nervous, unsafe, or uncomfortable in a conversation with someone, I tend to hide by asking questions. This way, I don’t have to be vulnerable or reveal myself. The problem is, it creates a weird dynamic where I know a lot about them, and they don’t know anything about me!

Action Step: If you know you tend to hide behind questions, see if you can go one for one. For every question you ask, also share something about yourself. Your share can relate to the topic or even a fun tangent.  

The hovering hazard

Imagine you’re at a social gathering, and someone is always around you, lingering just a bit too close, even when talking to others. 

Eek! While your intention might be to seek opportunities to chat, it can come off as overbearing or even a tad creepy.

Instead, give them—and yourself—some breathing space. Mingle with others, enjoy the event, and trust that if the stars align, you’ll get a chance to chat without making it feel forced. Plus, showing that you’re sociable and enjoy yourself in various situations is attractive!

Action Step:  If your crush is talking with someone else, let go and do your own thing. If they aren’t caught up with someone else, start a conversation or do something alone.

Tips for How to Talk to Your Crush Online

In the digital age of Instagram DMs and emojis, let’s master the art of sparking connections and kindling crush convos online.

Starting a DM

Instead of the casual “hey” or “what’s up,” make your DMs stand out by referencing something they’ve posted.

Action Step: If they shared a picture of a book, you might say, “Oh, I’ve been meaning to read that! Worth picking up?” It shows you pay attention and are interested in their likes.

If you’d like more tips, check out these 160 effective conversation starters for Tinder.

Emoji etiquette

Emojis are the spices of online chatting. When used right, they can enhance a conversation, but too much can overwhelm it.

Action Step: Use emojis for clarity or emphasis. Instead of a plain “Thanks,” “Thanks! 😊” feels warmer. But a barrage of emojis in every message? That’s a recipe for confusion.

If you’d like to understand the art of emoji better, check out this guide.

The tease & reveal

While pouring out everything about yourself online is tempting, leaving a little mystery can intrigue and spark more profound conversations.

Sometimes, diving into lengthy message exchanges where you share your thoughts can be excellent. Though often, it’s nice to slowly build into those with lighter discussions that build rapport and mutual curiosity.

Action Step: Instead of detailing your entire weekend trek, maybe mention, “Found the most serene spot on my hike today.” It’s an open invitation for them to ask more.

Photo sharing sensibly

Pictures are a fun way to share snippets of your life. However, it’s essential to balance sharing memories and oversharing.

Action Step: Try sharing a single photo in your following text exchange. Opt for just one to avoid flooding them with every click of your day.  

How to Tell If Your Crush Likes You Back or Not

Ah, the age-old conundrum: does my crush feel the same way? Let’s put on our detective hats and decode those subtle (and not-so-subtle) signs!

Read the verbal cues

It may be a sign if your crush is often non-committal, vague, or redirects personal topics to general ones. 

Or if every time you’re in a conversation, it feels like they aren’t making eye contact or showing genuine presence and interest, then it might be good to take a step back.

Action Step: Pay attention to their responses. Are they enthusiastic and invested in the conversation or often give short, closed-off replies? It’s essential to differentiate between someone just being polite and genuinely interested.

Physical distancing

While some people have large personal bubbles, if you notice they’re consistently maintaining physical distance, leaning back, or recoiling subtly, then this body language can be an indicator.

On the other hand, if their body tends to feel open in conversation with you and they initiate touch, this can be a sign of interest. Though don’t necessarily assume touch means romantic interest—some people are more touchy than others, and it can also be a way to show friendship.

Action Step: Be observant. Do they lean in or pull away during interactions? Do they seem to feel comfortable being physically close or engaging in casual touch with you? Respect their personal space and adjust your behavior accordingly.

Look for other body language cues

There are other non-verbal ways that your crush might indicate interest. Here are a few to look out for:

• A half-second eyebrow raise tends to show interest
• The removal of physical barriers (like bags) between the two of you indicates the presence and a desire for connection
• Leaning in shows an interest and a desire to hear more

Here are a few cues that might indicate a lack of interest or comfort:

• Crossing legs or ankles can suggest a person feels uncomfortable and closed off
• Touching or rubbing one’s neck often means someone feels insecure or uncomfortable
• Hands in pockets often mean discomfort

Notice preening

When someone’s smitten, even if they’re trying to play it cool, their body can give them away. One of these unconscious tells is preening. Those minor adjustments and fixes ensure they present themselves well to someone they’re attracted to. 

If you catch your crush often adjusting their glasses, smoothing down their clothes, touching their face or neck, or playing with their hair when you’re around, these could be their unique preening habits. It’s like an involuntary “I want to look good for you” signal that their body sends out.

Digital tells

In the online world, it might be a clue if they’re taking longer and longer to reply, giving shorter responses, or not engaging in your posts.

This is tricky because sometimes people are busy and quickly respond to texts. And when you feel anxious about a crush, it’s easy to analyze every delay or non-response. But if they seem to be continually pulling back, take the cue.

Getting a friend’s perspective on your text thread can also be helpful since they don’t have all the emotional attachments, which might cloud clarity.

On the other hand, if your crush sends you quick and reliable text responses with lots of emojis and hearts, they may be crushing back.

At a certain point, tell them how you feel.

Here’s the thing: while playing detective and looking for signals is fun, it’s often easier to be sure of how another person feels after asking them. 

Sometimes, the most straightforward approach is the most effective. 

If you’ve built a rapport and feel the moment is right, muster up the courage to express your feelings. It could be a game-changer! 

Remember, clarity often trumps the guessing game, and regardless of their response, you’ll know where you stand, which is always empowering.

Action Step: Plan a casual meet-up with your crush — maybe a coffee outing or a walk in the park. During a relaxed moment, share your feelings. Start with something like, “I’ve genuinely enjoyed our time together and feel a special connection with you. How do you feel about it?” This opens up a conversation rather than putting them on the spot.

If you’d like to go deeper into the body language of how someone else feels about you, check out this guide.

Frequently Asked Questions About How to Talk to Your Crush

Takeaways on How to Talk to Your Crush

Best of luck talking to your crush! It can be terrifying, but it’ll be worth it 🙂

Just remember these few tips:

• Break the ice with a compliment
• When they share something, get curious and ask to hear more 
• Balance your questions out by also sharing what’s important to you
• If you’re afraid of running out of things to say, try coming in with a few backup questions or good conversation points
• Look for open body language and use of emojis to infer how they feel about you
• If you’re unsure, you can always tell them how you feel.

Not all hope is lost if you’ve found yourself in the friendzone with your crush! Check out this article for tips on what to do.