If you are looking for ways to improve your relationship, then you have to supercharge your relationship management skills.

In the following video, I go through exactly what I am doing right now and what you can do and do it too. #stayhome #withme

I highly recommend taking some time to organize and systematically improve your relationships. Open a new spreadsheet and title it “relationship management” or start a relationship journal to take notes.

Step #1: Your Inner Circle

The first step to relationship management is sorting your relationships into different categories. Start with your inner circle. Answer the following questions:

  • Who do you see most?
  • Who knows you best?
  • Who do you trust deeply?

Add these folks to a spreadsheet or a list called “inner circle.” I think every person should have a goal. This is a goal for your relationship with them.

Goals: Think of where you wish your relationship could be with this person. If your relationship is already great, then your wish could be “maintain the goodness!”

Action: I think every relationship should be stoked and maintained. The key to relationship management is to know what to do with each person to reach your goals. Think of one action you could take to stoke the person in your life and write it down next to their name.

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Step #2: Your Outer Circle

Next, think of the people in your life who you see on a regular basis. The key to relationship management is to be purposeful and proactive with the people in your life.

Who affects your productivity?

Who affects your happiness?

Who do you wish you were closer to?

Write down who pops into your mind with these prompts.

Goals: Come up with a goal for this person. Do you want to be closer to them? Get to know them better? Write a goal!

Action: Now come up with an action step for each person—even something small, like sending a check-in text or replying to an email. Here are some more ideas to actively manage your relationships:

  • Find out your partner’s love language.
  • Do 36 deep questions over 36 days with someone you care about.
  • Go through old photos and send one to an old friend.
  • Try a new restaurant with a new friend.
  • Start or join a book club–consider reading Captivate <3.
  • Update all of your contacts on LinkedIn (and 15 other things to try too).
  • Find out your attachment style.

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Step #3: Your Relationship Goals

This is the step most people forget! What are your relationship goals? Who do you want to have in your life? Who do you wish you could add to your outer circle?

These can be specific people OR types of people. Like:

  • a role model
  • a mentor
  • a unmet soulmate
  • a group of friends
  • a hiking buddy
  • an activity partner

When you write it down, it is more likely to happen! 

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Step #4: Dedicate 30 Days for Relationship Management

Now all that’s left is to act. We often have wishes about our relationships but forget to turn those wishes into action.

Try this activity and pick one action step to do every day for 30 days.

Your relationships will change for the better.

You got this!

Vanessa

Are you looking for our Relationship Planner?

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About Vanessa Van Edwards

Vanessa Van Edwards is a national best selling author & founder at Science of People. Her groundbreaking book, Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People has been translated into more than 16 languages. As a recovering awkward person, Vanessa helps millions find their inner charisma. She regularly leads innovative corporate workshops and helps thousands of individual professionals in her online program People School. Vanessa works with entrepreneurs, growing businesses, and trillion dollar companies; and has been featured on CNN, BBC, CBS, Fast Company, Inc., Entrepreneur Magazine, USA Today, the Today Show and many more.

1 reply on “30 Days to Better Relationships”

  1. John Wright

    Good concept. Since my wife passed away (11 years ago), it’s occurred to me that it’s valuable to put energy into maintaining relationships. What is disappointing is that others don’t seem to do this, so unless I put in effort, all relationships tend to fade.
    (Hint: this is extremely valuable and should not be overlooked for marriages – that’s why I think my marriage was awesome – we both put daily effort into maintaining our relationship.)

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