What is a Soulmate? Here’s Everything You Need to Know

Do you believe in soulmates?

If so, you’re not alone. According to a Marist poll^{1 http://maristpoll.marist.edu/210-its-destiny-most-americans-believe-in-soul-mates/} :

• 73% of Americans believe in soulmates.
• More men than women believe that they are destined to find their one, true soulmate (males: 74%, females: 71%).
• 79% of people younger than 45 believe in soulmates, while only 69% of those over 45 do.

These statistics got me thinking—what exactly is a soulmate? And more importantly, does believing in soulmates help or hurt our relationships?

What is a Soulmate?

A soulmate is someone you feel deeply connected to on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level. 

While most people think of romantic partners when they hear “soulmate,” soulmates can actually come in many different forms. They could be friends, family members, or even mentors who profoundly impact your life journey.

According to relationship experts, a true soulmate connection is characterized by:

• A deep sense of understanding and acceptance
• The ability to be completely yourself without judgment
• A connection that helps you grow and evolve as a person
• Mutual support and encouragement
• A feeling of “coming home” when you’re together

The beautiful thing about soulmate connections is that they often transcend conventional relationship boundaries. 

Unlike regular relationships that might be based on shared interests or circumstances, soulmate connections tap into something deeper—a resonance of values, purposes, and core beliefs.

The Science of Soulmates

I wish I had science to tell you if soulmates are in fact real, but instead I found a set of amazing research looking at whether the belief in soulmates helps or hurts us. It all boils down to how you answer this question:

Do you believe there is one person who is meant just for you?

Researcher Raymond Knee and colleagues wanted to know if there was a difference in how people answered this question. He found that people have either:

• Destiny Beliefs: I am destined to be with a specific person. I have a soulmate. I have one person who is meant for me.
• Growth Beliefs: Relationships progress slowly and we grow to fit together. Relationships take effort. You can build love.

Which camp do you fall in? This is no small question. Your answer to that question greatly dictates the success or failure of your relationship. Specifically, here’s the big news:

People who believe in soulmates are more likely to break up, give up and have difficult relationships.

People who believe in soulmates are using their mental energy to assess the person they are with. In other words, they are constantly asking themselves:

• Is this my person?
• Can I do better?
• Is this the best I can do?
• Is this it?
• Should I keep looking?
• What if my real soulmate is still out there?

Whereas, people with growth beliefs are asking themselves very different internal questions:

• How can we grow together?
• What can I do to be a better partner?
• How can we overcome this challenge?
• What can I learn from this situation?
• How can we strengthen our connection?
• What new experiences can we share?

Personality compatibility is an important component of successful relationships, including soulmate relationships. Find out your where you lie on the Big Five personality traits with our free quiz:

The Soulmate Trap

If you believe that there is only one person for you, you are more likely to spend energy and time looking for that person instead of cultivating existing relationships.

Destiny Believers have passionate, intense, fire-y short-term relationships, but oftentimes become disillusioned and frustrated when something inevitably goes wrong. They believe in ‘deal-breakers’ and are constantly looking for the ‘perfect’ person. They often view compromise as settling. When something negative happens in the relationship they think, “Better move on and find my person.”
Growth Believers take a bit longer to commit. Even early in the relationship they are more motivated to find solutions, compromise or explore new ideas. They often view compromising as growth. When something negative happens in the relationship they think, “Better work this out.”

From Knee et al. (2001)

Pro Tip: If you’re a destiny believer, this doesn’t mean you can’t believe in growth, either. You can believe in both—and having some belief in growth can often be beneficial to a relationship.

Understanding Soulmate Compatibility

While the idea of soulmate compatibility by date of birth is popular among some, science suggests that compatibility is more complex than astrological matching. Here are the key factors that contribute to deep compatibility:

Emotional Intelligence

Research^{2 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886907004308?via%3Dihub} shows that couples with higher emotional intelligence tend to:

• Communicate more effectively
• Handle conflicts better
• Show greater empathy
• Build stronger connections

Want to improve your emotional intelligence? Check out: How to Improve Emotional Intelligence in 5 Steps.

Value Alignment

Shared core values are crucial for long-term compatibility. This includes:

• Life goals and aspirations
• Views on family and relationships
• Financial attitudes
• Spiritual or religious beliefs
• Personal growth mindset

Unsure of your core values? Make sure to read: 300+ Core Values You’ll Ever Need For Work, Relationships, and Life

Communication Styles

Compatible partners often:

• Share similar communication patterns
• Respect each other’s expression styles
• Navigate conflicts constructively
• Practice active listening

Attachment Styles

Understanding your attachment style can help you:

• Recognize relationship patterns
• Build secure connections
• Address insecurities
• Foster healthy interdependence

Find out your attachment style with our free quiz!

5 Types of Soulmates You Need to Know About

Beyond romantic love, soulmate connections can take many meaningful forms. Here are six types you should know about.

Romantic Soulmates

When most people think of soulmates, this is the connection they imagine. 

Romantic soulmates share a deep, almost mystical bond that goes far beyond physical attraction or common interests. These partnerships feel different from typical romantic relationships because they operate on multiple levels—emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. 

Unlike fleeting romances, romantic soulmates maintain their passionate connection even as they navigate life’s ups and downs, supporting each other’s dreams and creating a shared vision for the future. 

Romantic soulmates are typically characterized by:

• Deep emotional and physical connection
• Lasting passion that survives challenges
• Mutual growth and evolution
• Strong desire to build a life together
• Natural understanding and acceptance
• Shared vision for the future
• Balance of independence and togetherness

Platonic Soulmates

Some of life’s most profound connections have nothing to do with romance. Platonic soulmates are those rare friends who feel more like family—or even closer than family. 

What makes platonic soulmates so special is their ability to maintain deep intimacy without any romantic or sexual tension. These are the friends who can finish your sentences, know exactly what you need without asking, and stick by your side through every life chapter. They’re the ones who just “get” you.

Signs of a platonic soulmate include:

• Immediate connection and understanding
• Ability to be completely yourself
• Deep trust and loyalty
• No romantic attraction needed
• Unconditional support
• Shared humor and inside jokes
• Effortless communication

Karmic Soulmates

Think of karmic soulmates as your soul’s teachers—they enter your life to catalyze important growth, even if that growth isn’t always comfortable. 

These relationships often feel intense and may be marked by dramatic ups and downs. Unlike other soulmate connections that focus on harmony, karmic relationships are designed to shake things up, pushing you to confront your deepest fears, overcome patterns, and evolve beyond your comfort zone. 

While these connections can be challenging, they’re often some of our most profound teachers about love, life, and ourselves. 

Characteristics of karmic relationships:

• Come into your life to teach important lessons
• May be challenging but transformative
• Often don’t last forever
• Help you evolve spiritually or personally
• Push you out of your comfort zone
• Reveal unconscious patterns
• Catalyze personal transformation

Soul Teachers

Unlike karmic soulmates who often teach through challenge, soul teachers enter our lives to provide direct guidance and wisdom. 

These connections might be with formal mentors, but they can also appear as colleagues, elders, or even younger people who possess unusual wisdom for their age. 

Soul teachers have a unique ability to see your potential and guide you toward it, often appearing at crucial moments when you’re ready to level up in some area of your life. Their influence can be subtle or profound, but it always leaves an indelible mark on your personal journey.

These soulmates appear as:

• Mentors
• Guides
• People who change your perspective
• Those who help you discover your purpose
• Wisdom sharers
• Life coaches
• Spiritual guides

Soul Contracts

Soul contracts represent some of life’s most purposeful connections, even if they’re not meant to last forever. 

These relationships feel like they’re fulfilling a specific destiny or purpose, as if both parties agreed to meet and interact in exactly this way. Soul contracts often appear during major life transitions or moments of change, providing exactly what you need to move forward on your path. 

While these connections might be brief, their impact can last a lifetime, fundamentally shifting your direction or perspective.

These connections are marked by:

• Serve a specific purpose in your life
• Help you learn important lessons
• May be brief but impactful
• Often appear at crucial life moments
• Facilitate major life changes
• Challenge your beliefs
• Guide you toward your path

Twin Flames vs. Soulmates: Understanding the Difference

Many people confuse twin flames with soulmates. While both connections are profound and life-changing, they serve very different purposes in our journey. 

Twin flames act as intense mirrors of ourselves, reflecting both light and shadow aspects of our personality. 

Soulmates, on the other hand, are more like complementary souls who support and nurture our growth through steady companionship.

Here’s how these two profound connections compare:

Aspect	Twin Flames	Soulmates
Purpose	Catalyze rapid spiritual growth and connection	Support, nurture, and encourage personal development
Nature of connection	Intense, often challenging, mirror-like	Harmonious, supportive, complementary
Emotional impact	Can be overwhelming and turbulent	Generally peaceful and stabilizing
Growth style	Pushes growth through reflection and challenge	Facilitates growth through support and understanding
Timeline	Often involves cycles of separation and reunion	Typically more stable and consistent
Frequency	Generally believed to have only one	Can have multiple throughout life
Recognition	Immediate, intense, sometimes overwhelming	Natural, comfortable, like coming home
Relationship dynamic	Can be volatile as both partners trigger growth	More balanced and harmonious

Remember that neither connection is “better”! They simply serve different purposes in our lives, and some people may experience both types of connections in their lifetime.

Real-Life Soulmate Stories

Sometimes the best way to understand soulmate connections is through real examples. Here are some inspiring stories that show different types of soulmate relationships:

The High School Sweethearts

Sarah and Mike met in their junior year of high school. While many would dismiss teenage love as fleeting, they grew together through college, careers, and starting a family. Their secret? They never stopped dating each other and made personal growth a priority.

The Platonic Power Duo

Jennifer and Alex met at a business conference and instantly clicked. Though both happily married to other people, their friendship transformed both their lives. They became business partners, wrote a book together, and support each other through life’s challenges.

The Second-Time-Around Soulmates

After both experiencing divorces, David and Maria met in their 50s. They had the wisdom to appreciate their connection and the maturity to nurture it properly. Their story shows it’s never too late to find deep love.

The Karmic Teachers

Tom and Rachel dated intensely for two years. Though they ultimately parted ways, both credit the relationship with teaching them crucial lessons about themselves and what they really want in life.

How to Build a Soulmate Connection

Whether you believe in destined soulmates or not, here’s how to cultivate deeper connections:

1. Practice Active Listening Really tune in to what others are saying instead of just waiting for your turn to speak.
2. Show Vulnerability Research shows that sharing personal information builds stronger bonds.
3. Support Growth Help your partner (or friend) become their best self instead of trying to change them.
4. Cultivate Empathy Try to understand others’ perspectives, even when you disagree.
5. Create Shared Experiences Build meaningful memories and connections through shared activities.
6. Practice Acceptance Learn to appreciate differences instead of trying to change them.
7. Maintain Independence Keep your own identity while building a connection.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About Soulmates

Creating Your Own Happiness: Beyond the Soulmate Search

While searching for a soulmate can be exciting, it’s important not to put your life on hold waiting for “the one.” Here’s how to create fulfillment regardless of your relationship status:

Focus on Self-Development

• Pursue your passions and interests
• Work on personal growth
• Build strong friendships
• Develop your emotional intelligence
• Create a life you love

Practice Self-Love

• Accept yourself fully
• Set healthy boundaries
• Honor your needs and values
• Celebrate your achievements
• Trust your intuition

Stay Open to Connections

• Join communities aligned with your interests
• Try new experiences
• Be present in your interactions
• Practice vulnerability
• Keep an open mind about where love might find you

Understanding True Soulmate Connections

While the idea of soulmates is romantic, the science suggests that successful relationships are less about finding “the one” and more about growing together with someone compatible. 

The strongest connections come from:

• Mutual effort and growth
• Shared values and goals
• Willingness to work through challenges
• Support for each other’s development
• Continuous learning and adaptation
• Open communication and trust
• Emotional intelligence and empathy

Whether you believe in destined soulmates or not, the key to lasting relationships is not finding the perfect person, but being willing to grow and evolve together. Want to build deeper connections with others? Check out our article on How to Be Happy in a Relationship: The Ultimate Guide.