How to Make a Best Friend: 15 Science-Backed Steps

Building meaningful friendships is a skill you can develop with the right approach—even as adults!

Whether you’re starting from scratch or trying to figure out how to make a friend a best friend, this guide will walk you through 15 science-backed steps to help you create the kind of friendship that truly enriches your life.

What is a Best Friend?

A best friend is a person with whom you share a deep, mutual bond characterized by trust, loyalty, and emotional support. This close companion is someone you confide in, rely on during tough times, and share life’s joys and experiences with.

Best friends often understand you on a profound level, offering unconditional acceptance, honest advice, and a sense of belonging. Unlike casual friendships, a best friend relationship is built on consistent communication, shared values, and a commitment to each other’s well-being, making them a vital part of your personal growth and happiness.

That’s what makes them so special and important.

Best friends provide amazing benefits that more casual connections simply can’t match:

• Greater resilience to stress: People with close friendships produce less cortisol^{1https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34388607/} during stressful situations and recover faster from setbacks.
• Improved mental health: Those with best friends report lower rates of depression^{2https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/cdev.12905} and anxiety, as their close relationships provide emotional support during difficult times.
• Longer, healthier lives: Strong social connections^{3https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29300743/} may be as important to longevity as quitting smoking or maintaining a healthy weight.
• Enhanced sense of meaning: Deep friendships give us a sense of belonging and purpose that contributes significantly to our overall well-being.

How Long Does It Take to Make a Best Friend?

If you’re looking to make a new best friend, it’s important to have realistic expectations about timing.

Research^{4https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407518761225} suggests it typically takes at least 200 hours of interaction to develop a close friendship.

Based on studies of adults and college students, here’s how it breaks down:

• About 40–60 hours to move from acquaintance to casual friend.
• Around 80–100 hours to become a regular friend.
• Over 200 hours to develop a close or even best friend relationship.

That might sound like a lot, but every chat, hangout, or shared activity adds up to something amazing!

The quality of those interactions matters significantly—meaningful conversations and shared experiences accelerate bonding compared to superficial exchanges. Best friendships usually develop over 6-12 months minimum, though they continue deepening for years.

Of course, this timeline varies based on a bunch of factors (e.g., individual personalities, interaction frequency, etc.), but the takeaway remains the same: patience is essential because authentic friendships take time!

Now that we have realistic expectations about the friendship timeline, let’s explore exactly how to invest those 200+ hours effectively. 

15 Science-Backed Steps to Make a Best Friend

Start with Shared Contexts

While movies might show best friendships forming through dramatic meet-cutes, most close friendships begin in environments where you naturally see the same people repeatedly over time.

This proximity principle^{5https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378873311000128?via%3Dihub} is why so many lasting friendships form during school years—you’re simply around the same people day after day, which creates multiple opportunities for connection. As adults, we need to intentionally create these environments if we want to make a new best friend.

Consider joining:

• Weekly classes (cooking, art, language)
• Regular volunteer positions
• Recreational sports leagues
• Professional organizations
• Religious or spiritual communities
• Neighborhood associations

Action Step: Commit to one regular activity where you’ll see the same people at least once a week for three months. 

Need ideas for things to do where you can consistently meet people? Check out 120 Hobbies for Adults in 2025 (Your Ultimate Guide).

Identify Friendship Potential

Not everyone is best friend material for you personally, and that’s perfectly okay. Looking for certain compatibility factors can help you invest your time and emotional energy wisely.

Successful friendships often include:

• Shared values: While you don’t need identical beliefs, science^{6https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224545.1989.9712054} says that alignment on core values creates a foundation for mutual understanding.
• Complementary traits: Sometimes the most fulfilling friendships include differences that balance each other out—the planner and the spontaneous one, the talker and the listener.
• Similar sense of humor: Laughter creates powerful bonds and shared references that strengthen friendship.
• Matching energy levels: If you’re a homebody but your potential friend needs constant activity, the friendship may create tension rather than comfort.

When meeting new people, pay attention to how you feel in their presence. Do you feel energized, understood, and comfortable being yourself? Or do you feel drained, guarded, or like you’re performing?

Pro Tip: After spending time with someone new, take a moment for a quick mental check-in. Ask yourself: “Did I feel more myself or less myself around this person?” 

Make Consistent Micro-Connections

Remember the research suggesting it takes approximately 50 hours of shared time to move from acquaintance to casual friend, 90 hours to become a friend, and 200+ hours to develop a close friendship?

Building a best friendship requires accumulating many small positive interactions over time. 

Rather than putting pressure on big, elaborate hangouts, focus on creating regular, brief connections:

• Send a quick text about something that reminded you of them
• Share an article or meme related to their interests
• Comment thoughtfully on their social media posts
• Stop by their desk for a five-minute chat
• Meet for a quick coffee rather than a lengthy dinner

These micro-connections add up over time, creating a foundation of familiarity and comfort that’s essential for deeper friendship.

Action Step: Create a reminder in your calendar to prompt you to reach out to potential close friends at least once a week with a small touchpoint that shows you’re thinking of them.

Pro Tip: Making friends (and potentially a best friend) is a lot easier when you can captivate everyone in the room! Find out how with my best-selling book:

Practice Proactive Invitation

One of the biggest barriers to friendship is simply waiting for the other person to make the first move. While fear of rejection is natural, people generally underestimate how positively others will respond to friendship overtures or compliments^{7https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167220949003}. 

When it comes to learning how to make a friend a best friend, someone needs to take the initiative—and it might as well be you. Start with low-pressure invitations and gradually build to activities that allow for deeper connection:

• Coffee before or after your shared activity
• A quick lunch during the workday
• An invitation to join you for something you were already planning to do
• A group gathering where you can interact in a comfortable social setting
• Eventually, one-on-one activities with more time for conversation

When extending invitations, be specific rather than vague. Instead of “We should hang out sometime,” try “Would you want to grab coffee after class on Thursday? There’s a great place around the corner I’ve been wanting to try.”

Pro Tip: If someone declines your invitation but offers a specific alternative (“I can’t do Thursday but would Friday work?”), they’re likely interested in friendship. If they decline without suggesting an alternative time, give it one more try later before focusing your energy elsewhere.

Cultivate Conversational Depth

The path to making a friend a best friend requires gradually moving beyond surface-level small talk into deeper territory. 

Research^{8https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407512459033} suggests that mutual self-disclosure—sharing progressively more personal information—is one of the most reliable ways to develop closeness.

To move conversations beyond the superficial:

• Ask open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no
• Follow up on details they share to show you’re really listening
• Share your own thoughts and experiences related to the topic
• Express genuine curiosity about their perspective
• Gently introduce more meaningful topics when the moment feels right

Some topics that help deepen connection include:

• Values and what matters most to you in life
• Formative experiences that shaped who you are
• Hopes and dreams for the future
• Challenges you’re working through
• Moments of both pride and vulnerability

Action Step: Try the “one deeper question” technique—in each conversation, aim to ask at least one question that goes beneath the surface of everyday chatter.

For inspiration on digging deeper in conversation, check out: 300+ Deep Questions To Keep The Conversation Going

Show Appropriate Vulnerability

A recent study^{9https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1016/j.adolescence.2021.08.001} found that being vulnerable with a close friend (who reciprocates with support) literally reduces the body’s stress response. 

If you want to make a friend best friend, vulnerability could be the fast track to emotional intimacy—but timing is everything. 

Share too much too soon, and you might overwhelm a potential friend. Share nothing personal, and the relationship remains superficial.

Effective vulnerability follows a pattern of gradual, mutual disclosure, where each person takes small risks that the other person then matches.

This might look like:

• Sharing a minor insecurity and seeing if they reciprocate
• Admitting to a small struggle and observing their response
• Revealing a personal goal or dream and noticing if they open up as well
• Gradually sharing more significant experiences as trust builds

Pro Tip: After sharing something vulnerable, mentally note how the other person responds. Do they show empathy? Do they reciprocate with their own disclosure? These responses indicate whether they’re open to a deeper friendship.

Become a Skilled Listener

While talking and sharing help build connection, listening is the true foundation of deep friendship. The difference between a good friend and a best friend often comes down to the quality of attention each person offers the other.

Active listening behaviors significantly improve relationship quality:

• Maintaining appropriate eye contact
• Asking clarifying questions
• Reflecting back what you’ve heard (“It sounds like you’re saying…”)
• Avoiding interruptions or shifting the conversation to yourself
• Putting away phones and other distractions
• Using affirming body language (nodding, leaning in)

Most importantly, listen to understand rather than to respond. When someone shares something important, resist the urge to immediately jump in with your own story or advice. Instead, stay with their experience a moment longer through questions and acknowledgment.

Action Step: In your next conversation with a potential best friend, challenge yourself to ask at least two follow-up questions before sharing your own perspective on a topic they bring up.

Create Shared Experiences

Some of the strongest friendship bonds are forged through shared experiences—especially those involving novelty, challenge, or emotional intensity. The excitement or emotion from an experience becomes associated with the person you shared it with, creating powerful connection.

Go hiking or kayaking together. Attend a concert, show, or sporting event. Learn a new skill. Book an impromptu trip. 

These experiences create a reservoir of shared memories and inside jokes that become the foundation of your friendship narrative—the stories you’ll tell and retell for years to come.

Be Reliably Present

Best friendships are built on a foundation of reliability and consistent presence. While casual friends might show up for celebrations, best friends show up during difficult times as well.

Knowing someone will be there when needed creates a profound sense of security. This doesn’t mean you need to drop everything for every minor issue, but rather that you establish yourself as someone who can be counted on when it truly matters.

Ways to demonstrate reliability include:

• Following through on commitments
• Responding to messages within a reasonable timeframe
• Checking in during difficult periods
• Remembering important events
• Offering specific help rather than vague “let me know if you need anything”

Each time you show up when needed, you build trust that strengthens the friendship. Conversely, repeatedly failing to be reliable creates relationship damage that’s difficult to repair.

Action Step: Next time a potential best friend mentions an upcoming challenge (a difficult work presentation, family visit, or health concern), make a note to check in with them both before and after to show your consistent support.

Consider Gender-Specific Friendship Approaches

If you’re targeting a specific gender as a best friend, understanding some general tendencies in how different genders typically connect can be helpful (though, of course, individual preferences always vary).

How to Make a Guy Best Friend: A highly-cited paper^{10https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-1-4612-4880-4_5} stated that men often bond through “side-by-side” activities rather than face-to-face conversation. Shared experiences like sports, gaming, working on projects together, or pursuing mutual interests can create natural openings for deeper connection.

How to Make a Female Best Friend: Women typically bond through conversation and emotional exchange. Creating opportunities for meaningful discussion and demonstrating emotional support often forms the foundation of close female friendships.

Here’s a handy table to help you approach male versus female friendships:

Friendship Building Approach	Typically Effective with Men	Typically Effective with Women
Initial Connection Strategy	Activity-based invitations	Conversation-based invitations
Bonding Activities	Side-by-side experiences (e.g., sports, projects, games)	Face-to-face interactions (e.g., coffee dates, meals, walks)
Communication Style	Direct, solution-focused	Emotionally expressive, detail-oriented
Support Method	Practical assistance, problem-solving	Emotional validation, active listening
Conflict Style	Issue-focused, less personal	Relationship-focused, more personal

Remember: these are generalizations! Many men value emotional connection, and many women enjoy activity-based bonding. The key is staying attentive to how your specific friend responds and adapting accordingly.

Demonstrate Reciprocity

Healthy best friendships maintain a relatively balanced give-and-take over time. While there will certainly be periods when one friend needs more support than the other, a consistent pattern of one-sided effort rarely leads to a fulfilling best friendship.

Friendships tend to be most satisfying when both people feel they’re contributing meaningfully to the relationship, though the contributions may take different forms:

• Emotional support
• Practical help
• Time and attention
• Thoughtfulness and remembering details
• Creating opportunities for fun and connection

Pay attention to whether you’re typically the initiator or the responder in the friendship. If you find yourself always making the plans or providing the support, the friendship may not have best-friend potential without greater reciprocity.

Pro Tip: The 80/20 rule for friendship initiation suggests you might take the lead 80% of the time in the beginning, but a developing best friendship should eventually move toward more balance, with each person initiating about half the time.

Navigate Conflict Constructively

Every meaningful relationship encounters conflict eventually. What separates lasting best friendships from temporary connections is not the absence of disagreements but how those disagreements are handled.

Destructive conflict patterns to avoid:

• Criticism: attacking character rather than addressing specific behaviors
• Contempt: communicating disgust or superiority
• Defensiveness: refusing to acknowledge your role in a problem
• Stonewalling: shutting down and withdrawing from communication

Instead, healthy conflict in best friendships typically involves:

• Expressing feelings using “I” statements
• Focusing on specific situations rather than patterns or personality
• Listening to understand the other’s perspective
• Working toward resolution rather than “winning” the argument
• Repairing the relationship afterward

The first major conflict in a developing friendship is actually a critical opportunity—navigate it well, and your bond may strengthen significantly.

Action Step: If a conflict arises with a potential best friend, challenge yourself to lead with curiosity rather than accusation. Try phrases like “I’m confused about what happened…” or “Help me understand your perspective on…”

Celebrate Their Successes

How we respond to others’ good news may be even more important for relationship quality than how we respond to their challenges.

When a friend shares a success or exciting news, psychologist Shelly Gable notes that there are four possible response types:

1. Active-Constructive: Enthusiastic support and authentic interest (“That’s amazing! Tell me everything about how it happened!”)
2. Passive-Constructive: Positive but subdued support (“That’s nice.”)
3. Active-Destructive: Pointing out negatives or downplaying the achievement (“Wow, that sounds like a lot of responsibility. Are you sure you’re ready?”)
4. Passive-Destructive: Ignoring or changing the subject (“Oh, by the way, did you hear about…”)

Only the first response—active-constructive—reliably strengthens relationships. By responding with genuine enthusiasm to your friend’s successes, you communicate that you’re invested in their happiness, not just there for support during tough times.

Pro Tip: When a potential best friend shares good news, ask at least three questions about it before moving on to another topic. This demonstrates authentic interest in their joy.

Create Friendship Rituals

Best friendships are often characterized by special rituals that distinguish them from other relationships. These might be as simple as a weekly coffee date or as elaborate as an annual trip, but they create continuity and anticipation that strengthen your bond.

These rituals serve multiple important functions:

• They ensure regular connection despite busy lives
• They create a sense of specialness and priority
• They build a shared history specific to your friendship
• They provide stability through life changes

Potential friendship rituals might include:

• Regular meals at a favorite restaurant
• Annual celebration of your “friendiversary”
• Morning walks or weekend hikes
• Movie or game nights
• Holiday traditions you celebrate together

These rituals don’t need to be complicated or expensive—the most important factor is consistency and meaning.

Pro Tip: Suggest starting a small, manageable ritual with a potential best friend. This might be as simple as “Taco Tuesday” once a month or sending each other book recommendations quarterly.

Invest for the Long-Term

Perhaps the most important element in how to make a best friend is simply the commitment to stick around. Time is a crucial ingredient in developing deep connection; there are few shortcuts to the level of trust and understanding that characterizes best friendships.

While some connections naturally fade as life circumstances change, best friendships involve an implicit agreement to maintain the relationship despite:

• Geographic distance
• Career changes
• New romantic relationships
• Family responsibilities
• Evolving interests and lifestyles

This doesn’t mean clinging to friendships that have run their course, but rather approaching promising friendships with the intention of nurturing them over years and decades, not just for immediate social convenience.

Action Step: When you identify a friendship with best-friend potential, make a conscious decision to prioritize it in your life—adding it to your mental (or actual) list of important relationships worth maintaining through life’s inevitable changes.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About Making a Best Friend

Creating a Lasting Best Friendship

Learning how to make a best friend is both an art and a science—it requires intention, vulnerability, consistency, and time. While there’s no guaranteed formula for creating that special bond, the steps we’ve explored provide a roadmap for creating the conditions where deep friendship can flourish.

Some of the most important elements to keep in mind are:

• Consistency in your presence and communication
• Gradual vulnerability that builds trust over time
• Active listening and genuine interest in their life
• Reliability during both celebrations and challenges
• Patience with the natural development of closeness

By approaching friendship with both intention and authenticity, you create the foundation for relationships that can truly enrich your life for years to come!

Want to improve your social skills beyond friendships? Check out our comprehensive guide on How to Be More Social: 17 Tips for Meaningful Connections.