If you’ve spent significant time with a narcissist, you may feel like they slowly chipped your self-esteem away until you felt worthless and dependent on them. You may have felt powerless, deeply ashamed, and disconnected from your sense of self.
Surviving a narcissistic relationship can be very intense, but there is hope. In this article, we’ll clarify the traits and behaviors of a narcissist and offer tips for how to deal with a narcissist in both your personal and professional life.
What Is a Narcissist?
A narcissist is a person who displays an exaggerated perception of their significance, coupled with an intense craving for constant attention and approval, which all originates from profound feelings of insecurity.
Narcissists make up somewhere between 0.5% and 5% of the population1https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556001/.
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, clinical psychologist and expert on narcissism, a narcissist is someone who exhibits the following traits:
- Lack of empathy: An inability to understand, share, or respond appropriately to the feelings and experiences of others.
- Grandiosity: An inflated sense of self-importance or superiority, often characterized by boastful or pretentious behavior.
- Sense of entitlement: An unreasonable expectation of preferential treatment or that one deserves more than others.
- Arrogance: A belief in one’s superiority, often leading to condescension or dismissive behavior towards others.
- Superficiality: Focusing on the surface or appearances, often lacking depth or genuine emotional connection.
- Chronic egocentricity: A persistent focus on oneself, often ignoring the feelings or needs of others.
- Admiration and validation seeking: The constant pursuit of positive feedback or affirmation from others to bolster self-esteem.
- Envy: A resentful longing for someone else’s qualities, achievements, or advantages.
- Incapacity for intimacy: Difficulty in establishing and maintaining close, meaningful, emotional connections with others. There is often a view that intimacy and vulnerable relationships are a sign of weakness.
- Exploiting and using people in relationships: Manipulating or taking advantage of others for one’s personal gain or satisfaction.
- Dysregulated anger: Inability to manage or control feelings of anger, often leading to aggressive or destructive behaviors.
- Validation seeking in public, abusive in private: The act of appearing charming or solicitous in public in order to gain approval while being manipulative and cruel in private settings.
Some psychologists2https://willieverbegoodenough.com/what-is-narcissism/ refer to narcissism as a spectrum, where we each exhibit some degree of behaviors from the above list. Though the reality is there is a threshold point, which is why Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a diagnosable disorder1https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556001/ in the DSM. We all know toxic people, but narcissists are in a different echelon. For example, growing up with an arrogant parent is one thing, but growing up with a narcissistic parent will embed another level of challenges.
Whether you view narcissism as a disorder, a spectrum, or a personality type, if you feel like someone in your life is manipulating you for their own gain, this article will offer you support.
Why It’s Important to Be Proactive in Protecting Yourself From Narcissists
If you are in a close relationship with a narcissist—whether they are a narcissistic family member, lover, friend, or coworker—your self-esteem will take a hit.
To protect their fragile egos, narcissists will employ all types of manipulative strategies to gain power in the relationship and preserve their image. Slowly but surely, they will diminish your self-worth and make you reliant on them.
Here are some of the common effects of developing a deep relationship with a narcissist:
- Lowered confidence and self-esteem
- Isolation
- Loss of identity
- Becoming afraid and hypervigilant of conflict
- You begin to prioritize their needs over your own
- Your boundaries become porous
- You blame yourself for everything around you
- You become dependent on the narcissist—financially and/or socially
- Or you start to give them too much of your money
- Depression, anxiety, and mental health challenges
- Self-doubt
- Diminished ambition, goals, and aspirations
After folks exit an abusive narcissistic relationship, they commonly have to work through PTSD3https://neuroinstincts.com/ptsd-aftermath-of-relationships-with-psychopaths-and-narcissists/. Following the relationship, they might become hypersensitive or completely numb.
If you have a narcissistic lover, friend, coworker, or family member, the relationship might impact you deeply. If this is the case, you need to take action as soon as possible.
Here are several tips to help you deal with the narcissist in your life.
7 Tips For Dealing With a Narcissist
Gray rock
To “gray rock,” a narcissist is to cease all emotional reactions. The narcissist creates a looping cycle where they poke, prod, and manipulate you, and you emotionally react. Each reaction feeds them and their sense of power and control. To go “gray rock” is to break this cycle.
To do so, stop engaging with them. Become boring, flat, and emotionless with them. Don’t argue, explain, or defend. If they try to get a rise out of you, don’t react. Just give enough filler to keep the conversation going.
If you give them nothing to work with, they will eventually get bored and move on.
But beware, they will first try to manipulate you when you gray rock. They might gaslight you or bait you into an emotional outburst. They know all of your trigger points and weaknesses. They’ll say, “You’re just like your mother,” at just the right moment to get you to lose your cool. But don’t give in.
They want you to react to them. They want you to pedestal them, view them as a helpless victim, or get upset. But don’t respond or react; just disengage and gray rock.
Firewall
Dr. Ramani explains the firewall technique as a metaphor for computer firewalls. Keep these tips in mind:
- Acknowledge that this person is a narcissist. Don’t try to change them. Don’t assume it’s about you. Just like malware wasn’t created to affect your computer; it will go for anyone’s computer. This narcissist is just doing what they do; you just happen to be in their path.
- Get to know their techniques. Once you realize how they operate, you might notice that they are evoking sympathy from you or getting you to question your reality. You can dispel its effects when you spot what the narcissist is trying to do.
- Don’t share any vulnerable information. Narcissists will try to get you to open up more and faster than might feel natural. They might use tricks like telling you a secret to get you to open up. But keep it surface-level. Don’t share anything emotionally vulnerable or sensitive information. Anything you say can and will be used against you.
- Communicate with purpose. If you must communicate with them, do it with a purpose. Be clear on why you need to text or talk with them and stick to your objective. Don’t let their bait suck you in—communicate for you, not for them.
- Keep the firewall up at all times. Don’t let it lapse. You can’t just have it up sometimes and take it down other times. If you know someone in your life is a narcissist, you must be vigilant with dispelling their techniques on you and filtering what you share.
Set boundaries you can protect
One of the hallmark features of narcissists is that they think the rules don’t apply to them. Because of their arrogance and grandiosity, they may violate laws and personal boundaries on a whim.
If you try to set boundaries with a narcissist—telling them there’s a topic you don’t want to discuss or a physical act you’re uncomfortable with—do not expect them to honor your boundary. In fact, it’s a safer bet to assume they will try to violate your boundary if it gets them what you want.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set boundaries with narcissists. It means you can’t state a boundary and expect them to uphold it—you must set boundaries that you defend.
This is a tall order. Boundaries are difficult to notice and voice for almost all of us.
But one way that narcissists chip into your self-worth is by violating your boundaries over and over again. So you must clarify your boundaries and stand by them.
Action Step: Make a list with two columns. In Column 1, list the places where the narcissist takes actions that violate your boundaries. In Column 2, list the places where you are allowing yourself to violate your own boundaries in this relationship.
For example:
Next, pick one item at a time from Column 2, and do your best to stop it. It might take time, so be gentle with yourself.
Take on a personal project
One side effect of connecting with a narcissist is that they’ll clip your wings and have you feel disconnected from your ambition and aspirations.
If you’ve noticed this happening to you, take it upon yourself to start a personal project, even if it’s a small one.
What’s a desire you have that’s just for you? Maybe writing a song, going to a play, or running a half-marathon.
The more positive projects, goals, or adventures you have going on in your life –separate from them, the easier it will be to disconnect.
Action Step: Pick a personal goal, no matter how small, and carve out an hour this week to move towards it.
Go no contact
No contact is just what it sounds like. If you are able to, completely cut the narcissist out of your life. Don’t answer their calls or respond to their texts. This is undoubtedly difficult, but if it’s manageable for the situation, it’s the best way to free yourself.
Your relationship with them could be viewed as a mutual addiction—you may have become dependent on the narcissist and developed an addiction to the pendulum of highs and lows. And they may need you for the power, validation, and supply. But if you don’t feed the relationship at all, it will slowly suffocate the mutual addiction until it dies.
Dr. Ramani suggests only going with no contact if you can hold it. Many folks try to exit a narcissistic abusive relationship with no contact but then give back in and rekindle the connection, which falls back into abuse. Then they go no contact again and fold again.
If you are going to try no contact, she suggests giving it a go for 4-6 weeks. You might feel guilt and confusion, but you will likely also feel relief, lightness, freedom, and hope. On the days when you want to give in, focus on those positive feelings.
If you have joint custody of a child, then no contact is a bad idea because you could lose rights to the child.
But if this is an approach you can functionally execute, then it is effective.
Understand the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse
When someone falls into a deep, abusive connection with a narcissist, the relationship tends to go through the following cycles4https://narcissistabusesupport.com/stages-narcissist-abuse/:
- Idealization. This is a stage characterized by love bombing. Once the narcissist has found someone that feels vulnerable enough to take advantage of, they will praise and value that person to an incredible degree. They might call them a soulmate or speak to their strengths. To receive this kind of praise can create an intoxicating high.
- Devaluation. Unfortunately, love bombing never lasts forever. Once you are hooked, almost overnight, the narcissist’s tone will change. They will gaslight you into doubting yourself if you express doubt or concern. They’ll also start to manipulate and jab at your self-confidence until you start to crumble.
- Discard. After a devaluation stage, the narcissist will often discard the other person. It is usually cold, abrupt, and done with gaslighting. To the narcissist, you are a tool for supply. So if you stop providing supplies, they’ll throw you out like a piece of trash. It’s just like if your phone charger stops working, you’ll just toss it and get a new one at some point. When the discard happens, the narcissist will often frame it as if the breakup is your fault.
What stage are you in?
Seek professional support
There are plenty of tactics you can employ on your own, but becoming enmeshed with a narcissist can be an emotionally deep and traumatizing experience that can benefit from support.
Here are a few resources to consider:
- Doctor Ramani’s Healing Program. A community-based program with meditations, journaling prompts, lectures, and Q+A’s on narcissistic emotional abuse.
- Psychology Today is a great directory for mental health professionals from across the world.
Difficulties in Dealing With a Narcissistic Boss or Coworker
So far, we’ve mostly referred to narcissistic relationships with friends, family members, or romantic partners. But having a narcissistic boss or coworker can be equally troubling.
If you notice that a boss or coworker is having you feel constantly intimidated, inadequate, invalidated, confused, and doubting yourself, you might have a narcissist in your workplace.
Here are some common signs that someone in your workplace might be a narcissist:
- Gossip: This person is constantly gossiping and pitting people against each other.
- Secret meetings: This person will invite you to secret or exclusionary meetings. If you’re invited, you might feel special and valued, but it’s ultimately fostering a weird secretive culture of hierarchy and mistrust.
- People left off of group emails: In a similar vein to secret meetings, a narcissist might “accidentally” leave you off of an email exchange to pull the puppet strings of company relationships.
- Favoritism: A narcissistic boss will often play favorites and take people under their wing. Lovebombing exists in the workplace, too—they might make someone feel special and chosen until the day when the lovebombing turns into devaluing.
- Everyone must communicate through the leader: This type of communication isolates employees from each other and makes everyone dependent on the boss.
- Vying for the boss’s attention: A narcissistic boss can create a workplace culture where everyone is fighting for their attention. Everyone becomes a puppet for the boss, which can mimic a dysfunctional family structure with a narcissistic parent.
- Culture of mistrust: People in these workplaces feel like everyone else is hiding a knife behind their backs. It creates chaos that the narcissistic leader thrives on.
- Neglect for workplace boundaries: Narcissists might bring alcohol to meetings or offer to meet in inappropriate places like hotel rooms. They disdain boundaries and will constantly invite you into situations that cross the company code, or that just feel off to you.
- Credit stealing: A narcissistic coworker may take credit for others’ work or ideas, presenting them as their own to enhance their image and position.
- The constant need for praise: They may constantly seek validation and recognition, often becoming resentful or upset if they feel their work isn’t sufficiently acknowledged or praised.
- Belittlement: They may belittle or undermine coworkers to elevate themselves, often using sarcasm, put-downs, passive aggression, or critical comments. These might happen both in person and over Slack and email.
- Rage: Abusive bosses who don’t get the results they want might launch into narcissistic rage. They might also demean staff in front of each other or in front of clients.
4 Tips for Dealing With Narcissism in the Workplace
Many of the tips above apply to the workplace as well. But here are a few more tips specific to an office narcissist.
Distance yourself
It might be challenging to go completely “gray rock” and to be unresponsive to the narcissist. But you can still take measures to distance yourself. Here are three steps you can take.
Step 1: Avoid any 1-on-1 meetings with the narcissist if possible.
Step 2: If the narcissistic person is a coworker, ask your boss in confidence if they could avoid putting you on collaborative projects with them.
Step 3: Avoid the narcissist as best you can. If they’re at the water cooler, take your break by the ping pong table. If they rant at you on a Slack thread, don’t respond. If you must communicate with them, be as efficient as possible, share little or no information about yourself, and express no emotion.
Watch out for boundary encroachments
Narcissists feel entitled and don’t believe rules or boundaries should apply to them. So watch out for situations where the narcissist invites you into sketchy situations. Here are a few to avoid:
- Avoid meetings that involve alcohol
- Avoid meetings in hotel rooms, or anywhere outside the office or Zoom
- Don’t accept inappropriate work projects outside of your role (e.g., running personal errands for your boss, helping them plan a family vacation, or even buying flowers for their secret lover).
Work with over-ear headphones
A narcissistic coworker may constantly trample your work boundaries. They might interrupt you when you are in a workflow, expect you to be constantly available, and disregard your breaks.
One tool to help here is over-ear headphones–which have become an implicit “do not disturb” sign.
Action Step: Purchase over-ear headphones, and wear them whenever you are working. If the narcissist disturbs you while working, have a prepared response ready, such as; “I’ll be taking a break in 15 minutes and will answer your question then.”
Record Zoom meetings
Narcissists may gaslight you. They might steal credit for ideas you came up with or falsely accuse you of saying something at a meeting that never happened.
One way to protect yourself is to ensure all of your Zoom meetings get recorded.
Action Step: Make it a habit to record every meeting you host and ask the host to record meetings. You can say it’s because sometimes you like to look back to meetings to reference what was discussed.
How a Narcissist Thinks
What motivates a narcissist?
Contrary to popular knowledge, narcissists’ behavior is a coping mechanism5https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886921001550?via%3Dihub#s0080 adapted to deal with acute insecurity and low self-worth, say researchers from NYU.
The narcissistic manipulation, power games, and outbursts stem from an intensely negative self-image and habituated attempts to feel worthy and validated.
Narcissistic supply
There is a psychological term that describes what fuels narcissists: narcissistic supply. Narcissistic supply refers to the attention, admiration, and validation a narcissist needs from others to bolster their self-esteem and sense of importance.
Supply could take the form of receiving compliments, recognition, and awards. But a narcissist could also get supply if someone becomes visibly upset or hurt by their actions, as both scenarios confirm the narcissist’s sense of power and control.
Narcissists view relationships as functional mechanisms to get the supply they need.
Here are a few more examples of narcissistic supply:
- Having an attractive “trophy” partner
- Belonging to a prestigious group or organization
- Having a child who can accomplish goals that seem valuable
- Having a luxury car, pricey home, designer clothes, or pricy jewelry
- Being associated with celebrities or high-status individuals
- If they provoke someone to pity the narcissist and feel guilt
- If they trigger someone to feel hurt, flustered, or angry
Narcissistic injury and narcissistic rage
Because narcissists are deeply insecure, they often experience narcissistic injuries. This is when you do or say something critical that they take as criticism or insult. You might make a completely well-intentioned and innocuous comment that they take the wrong way, such as: “Is this last year’s Tesla model?”
When this happens, the narcissist will have a massively disproportional response. Either they will shut down and sulk or go into narcissistic rage. This type of rage is like a switch is flipped, and they become an entirely different person.
Often those stuck in relationships with a narcissist will start to fear the rage and will become suppressed, tentative, and walk on eggshells.
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Different Types of Manipulation That Narcissists Employ
There is no handbook that teaches narcissists the most effective manipulation tools. However, because narcissists are people with high insecurity and low empathy, they tend to use relationships as mechanisms to feed their self-worth. As a result, narcissists naturally gravitate towards the same methods of manipulation and control.
If you are dealing with a narcissist, it can be helpful to know how they operate. Here are some of the more common manipulative tactics.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a manipulation technique where a person makes another question their reality, memory, or intuition. They might give you false beliefs about insecurities you have, or they may gaslight you about random things like “Oh, you must not care about your family.” They’ll also “forget” about the times they slighted you and made you feel bad. The gaslighting will add up, and you won’t know what’s what.
Love bombing: Love bombing involves an excessive display of attention, adoration, and affection towards someone, often at the beginning of a relationship, in order to manipulate them and get them to quickly share vulnerable information. This may take the form of empowering compliments, or they may pretend they are opening up to you and trusting you. As the relationship progresses, this constant praise gives way to abuse.
Secret-sharing: Another form of love bombing, to manipulate you into feeling special, a narcissist will try to convince you they are telling you a top secret. They tend to repeat these “secrets” (which are often lies) because they are part of their canned stories designed to impress people by making themselves look great or to divide people by making others look bad.
Hoovering: This is when you try to leave the relationship with the narcissist, but like a Hoover vacuum, they suck you back in. Either by playing the victim card, charming you, or pretending like you finally got through to them, and they changed themself.
Scapegoating: This is when a narcissist blames a person or group for the mistakes or misfortunes of others, often to avoid accepting responsibility. Any narcissistic parent will have one scapegoat in the family where they take out all of their own insecurities by blaming this child.
Future faking: this is a form of manipulation where the narcissist will promise things to you that you really want to hear but then continually never follow through; this keeps you hooked into the relationship for the promise of something that never comes. This might be getting married someday or supporting you in starting a business someday. But the day never comes.
Mirroring: Mirroring is a technique where a narcissist mimics the behaviors, interests, or attitudes of another to manipulate them or win their trust. They may start taking up pottery because you like pottery, all while getting to know you deeply. But they are in the process of winning over your trust and gathering data points about your weaknesses which they can hurt you with down the line. At some point, the mirror turns dark, and they can mirror back to you all the insecurities you think might be true about yourself.
Baiting: Baiting involves using hurtful remarks or actions to provoke a reaction from someone. A narcissist is after power in a relationship, so if you try to take power back, they may provoke you into having a large emotional reaction. At this point, they may gaslight you into thinking there’s something wrong with you, thus taking the power back.
Flying monkeys: Flying monkeys are individuals that a narcissist manipulates into taking their side and doing their bidding. The narcissist will spread rumors and innuendos about the victim, which causes the flying monkeys to view the victim suspiciously and take the narcissist’s side. They start to view the victim as the “bad guy” and the narcissist as the helpless one. This also isolates the victim and burns up their social support, making them more controllable.
Breadcrumbing: Breadcrumbing is the act of giving someone just enough attention or affection to keep their interest but never enough to actually foster a meaningful relationship. Once your self-esteem and mental well-being have diminished, the narcissist might do something as small as have dinner with you without taking their phone out. This breadcrumb of attention will give you hope and keep you around.
Triangulation: Triangulation involves a narcissist creating a triangle of competition between you and another party, typically to gain attention or create jealousy. They might be constantly comparing you to other people that you know or even to celebrities. It’s a way of hooking other people into the connection to create more instability in you.
Stonewalling: This is when the narcissist gives the “silent treatment” in response to a conversation they don’t want to have. They may not want to have the conversation because it’s vulnerable, makes them look bad, or they’re being asked to take responsibility. This can stoke the other person’s fear of abandonment, creating a dynamic where certain topics feel off-limits.
Frequently Asked Questions About Dealing With a Narcissist
Narcissists cannot handle criticism and have a high need for praise and validation. They also lack empathy, struggle with maintaining meaningful relationships, and have a fragile ego that is easily wounded. They run off narcissistic supply, which they get from praise and emotional reactivity, so the best way to “fight back” is to stop reacting to them.
The gray rock method involves removing oneself as a source of narcissistic supply by becoming emotionally non-responsive, boring, and unengaging. This method discourages the narcissist’s attempts at manipulation and helps the person practicing it avoid getting emotionally entangled with the narcissist.
When dealing with a narcissistic boss, it is beneficial to maintain professional boundaries, avoid sharing personal or vulnerable information, and refrain from reacting emotionally to their attempts at manipulation. Also, try to limit one-on-one interaction and ensure any communication serves a clear purpose relevant to work.
Narcissists can be identified by their grandiose sense of self-importance, a strong need for admiration and validation, a lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, and an inability to handle criticism. They often disregard the feelings of others and may exploit others for their own gain.
A narcissist is an individual who exhibits traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, a lack of empathy for others, and often a fragile ego that is sensitive to criticism.
Takeaways on How To Deal With a Narcissist
Having a narcissist in your life can be challenging, emotionally draining, and even traumatizing. Keep in mind these key tips:
- Gray rock. If you can go no contact, become a gray rock to them. Give them no emotional reactivity or vulnerability. Just communicate as basically and boringly as you can.
- Firewall. Don’t let their manipulations in, and don’t let any information out. Share nothing vulnerable or personal that can be used against you.
- Learn to identify narcissistic manipulation. Look for love bombing, devaluing, gaslighting, secret sharing, hoovering, scapegoating, future faking, mirroring, baiting, flying monkeys, breadcrumbing, triangulation, and stonewalling. The sooner you spot their techniques, the better you can avoid getting sucked in.
- Uphold your boundaries. The narcissist won’t honor your boundaries, so you must do your best to honor your own boundaries.
- Go no contact. If you can, cut ties with them completely. You’ll feel lots of emotions and the pull to get back in touch, but cold turkey is the best way to go.
- Take on a personal project. A narcissist will try to disempower you. You must find your self-worth again, and one great way is to fan the embers of your ambitions.
And here are a few work-specific tips to consider:
- Distance yourself. If you have a narcissist in your workplace, avoid them as much as possible. Avoid 1-on-1 meetings, avoid them on breaks, and don’t react to them on Slack.
- Don’t engage outside of work parameters. The narcissist might try to get you to attend meetings or activities outside of work boundaries. Adhere to what feels appropriate to you.
- Use headphones to protect your work time. Make your boundaries as clear as possible. When you’re working, signal “do not disturb.”
- Record all meetings. A narcissist will lie and reshape past events. Record meetings to cover your bases.
It is undoubtedly difficult to have a narcissist in your life. But there is hope if you take the right actions and take care of yourself.
There is also a type of narcissist called a “covert narcissist,” who displays many attributes of NPD but is not quite as far along the narcissistic spectrum. If you’d like to learn more about covert narcissism, here is an article that breaks down the topic.
Article sources
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556001/
- https://willieverbegoodenough.com/what-is-narcissism/
- https://neuroinstincts.com/ptsd-aftermath-of-relationships-with-psychopaths-and-narcissists/
- https://narcissistabusesupport.com/stages-narcissist-abuse/
- https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886921001550?via%3Dihub#s0080
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empathy instead of forcing a change…smart & practical. love this stuff. Vanessa U rock.
I was involved with a narcissist- the smart thing is to just walk away.
Good for you. Sometimes that is the best way to deal!
I agree. I am currently in a relationship with a narcissist and I
actually just found out that I will be having his child. He and I have
been together on and off for almost 6 years, and I am just now realizing
how bad he is. I mean, I was thinking maybe it was the pregnancy that
caused this because he is so unwilling to think about anybody besides
himself……so having a child?? HA. It pissed him off to say the least.
But then I started thinking back and realized he has always been this
way. I just wasn’t as strong before. Wow.
Run for the hills and keep him away from the baby.
Omg the same for me. I am 6 months pregnant and having severe complications and instead of being concerned he planned a birthday vacation for 7 days with his mother. I am facing an emergency double mastectomy while 6 months pregnant with a breast reconstruction and he downplayed my situation by saying he feels better knowing I will be in good hands of a doctor who knows what to do for me and goes on to explain how much physical back pain and how he has been light headed and sweating at work too. I’ve done everything for this guy including pay our mortgage and all bills the last 2 years of buying my home. Getting pregnant was indeed the worst thing I could’ve done. He has a son who he blames me for not seeing bc he has to work so much. The time he is with him he does nothing with him but constantly boast about the things he does and I can never tell him or his son anything. I’m currently moved out of my home bc I was being helped with my physical limitations. His excuse was he is just too tired from working. The fact that I am moved over to my moms home is pleasing to him bc it allows him to rest and his reason for me moving is bc he has to work and can’t help me. No I left bc if I asked for ice water it was an issue, if I couldn’t bend over to pull my pants up it was drama. “He had pain too and he still does it” he has pain too and he still has to work” I told him to go to the doctor and he says why can’t u go with me? I go with u? We are in counseling and I am realizing there is no understanding for this guy. I told the truth on all these exact them and he held his excuses. He took himself to the doctor by himself without telling me finally and they told him exactly what I said to do take a Motrin it’s a possible muscle strain nothing physically wrong with u. Of course I had to force that out of him and he will never admit it. He tries to hide his narcissism by being nice to me in public but behind closed doors and on text it comes out. I can’t take it anymore. I’m planning to change my house locks and move his things out while he is gone to Belize for 7 days. I think this is the only way out unfortunately. I have told him to leave he won’t. I caught him talking to another female on his phone and he said it was to get my attention and show that he is still wanted by other women. He was married once before and she secretly left him by making him think she was moving back to Los Angeles for a job to better their family but she actually planned to leave him and never go back to Atlanta. She dos exactly that. I didn’t understand it in the beginning but I get it now. I will never be safe with him. He shows off everything I own as his own and boast about this big lifestyle that doesn’t exist. I see there is no hope. I have tried everything. I’m paying for all these counseling sessions and it’s getting no where. I can’t believe he is making an excuse for it being ok to plan a happy vacation during such a difficult time in my life. I just hope I am strong enough to make this move. I hate the fact that I may have to raise my son on my own as a single mother but I definitely don’t want him to get his personality traits and if I see any sign of it I will get him help right away.
I thought the same once too. Then came the reminder of how much genetics plays a role without the other ever being around
How did you ever ever ever put up with a person like this? He is downright selfish. Seriously pls leave him else you will forever rot in HIS WORLD. Vanessa was very kind to say we need to empathy for narcissist but some of them are coated with evil. Simply that. And we have no business empathizing evil intentions. You seem to be a very strong willed person having lived with this guy. Pls steer you own sail far away from him. You will be successful and more blessed. I hope you have a nice family and friends. Here’s also wishing you good health.
*God bless!*
Amen Brother. My ex is a narcissist. She almost destroyed me. I was to the point of suicide because of her. I literally had to get out to save my life.
Hi Anthony, thanks for reading! We’re always looking to provide practical and useful solutions. 🙂 -Danielle and the Science of People Team
It’s nice that you want to compliment the writer but it is obviously an unearned compliment. Someone with true Narcissistic Personality Disorder cannot be reached with empathy, unfortunately. The only rational advice is to limit your exposure to these people and thereby minimize the amount of damage they can do to your life.
You are correct. However, there are “degrees” of narcissism and with so many enablers/nurturing types out there who believe they can change a narcissist, they will spend time (read that as: waste time), often a lifetime, trying to interact with these robots and even having children with them! The horror!
Cater to them and they despise you for being weak and succumbing. Ignore them with the NC rule, and they will hover and reappear to keep another “source” alive and not allow you to move on. With these people, there is no way to win. Run away from them as fast as you can. They are toxic.
empathy instead of forcing a change…smart & practical. love this stuff. Vanessa U rock.
I was involved with a narcissist- the smart thing is to just walk away.
Good for you. Sometimes that is the best way to deal!
I agree. I am currently in a relationship with a narcissist and I
actually just found out that I will be having his child. He and I have
been together on and off for almost 6 years, and I am just now realizing
how bad he is. I mean, I was thinking maybe it was the pregnancy that
caused this because he is so unwilling to think about anybody besides
himself……so having a child?? HA. It pissed him off to say the least.
But then I started thinking back and realized he has always been this
way. I just wasn’t as strong before. Wow.
Run for the hills and keep him away from the baby.
Omg the same for me. I am 6 months pregnant and having severe complications and instead of being concerned he planned a birthday vacation for 7 days with his mother. I am facing an emergency double mastectomy while 6 months pregnant with a breast reconstruction and he downplayed my situation by saying he feels better knowing I will be in good hands of a doctor who knows what to do for me and goes on to explain how much physical back pain and how he has been light headed and sweating at work too. I’ve done everything for this guy including pay our mortgage and all bills the last 2 years of buying my home. Getting pregnant was indeed the worst thing I could’ve done. He has a son who he blames me for not seeing bc he has to work so much. The time he is with him he does nothing with him but constantly boast about the things he does and I can never tell him or his son anything. I’m currently moved out of my home bc I was being helped with my physical limitations. His excuse was he is just too tired from working. The fact that I am moved over to my moms home is pleasing to him bc it allows him to rest and his reason for me moving is bc he has to work and can’t help me. No I left bc if I asked for ice water it was an issue, if I couldn’t bend over to pull my pants up it was drama. “He had pain too and he still does it” he has pain too and he still has to work” I told him to go to the doctor and he says why can’t u go with me? I go with u? We are in counseling and I am realizing there is no understanding for this guy. I told the truth on all these exact them and he held his excuses. He took himself to the doctor by himself without telling me finally and they told him exactly what I said to do take a Motrin it’s a possible muscle strain nothing physically wrong with u. Of course I had to force that out of him and he will never admit it. He tries to hide his narcissism by being nice to me in public but behind closed doors and on text it comes out. I can’t take it anymore. I’m planning to change my house locks and move his things out while he is gone to Belize for 7 days. I think this is the only way out unfortunately. I have told him to leave he won’t. I caught him talking to another female on his phone and he said it was to get my attention and show that he is still wanted by other women. He was married once before and she secretly left him by making him think she was moving back to Los Angeles for a job to better their family but she actually planned to leave him and never go back to Atlanta. She dos exactly that. I didn’t understand it in the beginning but I get it now. I will never be safe with him. He shows off everything I own as his own and boast about this big lifestyle that doesn’t exist. I see there is no hope. I have tried everything. I’m paying for all these counseling sessions and it’s getting no where. I can’t believe he is making an excuse for it being ok to plan a happy vacation during such a difficult time in my life. I just hope I am strong enough to make this move. I hate the fact that I may have to raise my son on my own as a single mother but I definitely don’t want him to get his personality traits and if I see any sign of it I will get him help right away.
I thought the same once too. Then came the reminder of how much genetics plays a role without the other ever being around
How did you ever ever ever put up with a person like this? He is downright selfish. Seriously pls leave him else you will forever rot in HIS WORLD. Vanessa was very kind to say we need to empathy for narcissist but some of them are coated with evil. Simply that. And we have no business empathizing evil intentions. You seem to be a very strong willed person having lived with this guy. Pls steer you own sail far away from him. You will be successful and more blessed. I hope you have a nice family and friends. Here’s also wishing you good health.
*God bless!*
Amen Brother. My ex is a narcissist. She almost destroyed me. I was to the point of suicide because of her. I literally had to get out to save my life.
Hi Anthony, thanks for reading! We’re always looking to provide practical and useful solutions. 🙂 -Danielle and the Science of People Team
It’s nice that you want to compliment the writer but it is obviously an unearned compliment. Someone with true Narcissistic Personality Disorder cannot be reached with empathy, unfortunately. The only rational advice is to limit your exposure to these people and thereby minimize the amount of damage they can do to your life.
You are correct. However, there are “degrees” of narcissism and with so many enablers/nurturing types out there who believe they can change a narcissist, they will spend time (read that as: waste time), often a lifetime, trying to interact with these robots and even having children with them! The horror!
Cater to them and they despise you for being weak and succumbing. Ignore them with the NC rule, and they will hover and reappear to keep another “source” alive and not allow you to move on. With these people, there is no way to win. Run away from them as fast as you can. They are toxic.
empathy instead of forcing a change…smart & practical. love this stuff. Vanessa U rock.
I was involved with a narcissist- the smart thing is to just walk away.
Good for you. Sometimes that is the best way to deal!
I agree. I am currently in a relationship with a narcissist and I
actually just found out that I will be having his child. He and I have
been together on and off for almost 6 years, and I am just now realizing
how bad he is. I mean, I was thinking maybe it was the pregnancy that
caused this because he is so unwilling to think about anybody besides
himself……so having a child?? HA. It pissed him off to say the least.
But then I started thinking back and realized he has always been this
way. I just wasn’t as strong before. Wow.
Run for the hills and keep him away from the baby.
Omg the same for me. I am 6 months pregnant and having severe complications and instead of being concerned he planned a birthday vacation for 7 days with his mother. I am facing an emergency double mastectomy while 6 months pregnant with a breast reconstruction and he downplayed my situation by saying he feels better knowing I will be in good hands of a doctor who knows what to do for me and goes on to explain how much physical back pain and how he has been light headed and sweating at work too. I’ve done everything for this guy including pay our mortgage and all bills the last 2 years of buying my home. Getting pregnant was indeed the worst thing I could’ve done. He has a son who he blames me for not seeing bc he has to work so much. The time he is with him he does nothing with him but constantly boast about the things he does and I can never tell him or his son anything. I’m currently moved out of my home bc I was being helped with my physical limitations. His excuse was he is just too tired from working. The fact that I am moved over to my moms home is pleasing to him bc it allows him to rest and his reason for me moving is bc he has to work and can’t help me. No I left bc if I asked for ice water it was an issue, if I couldn’t bend over to pull my pants up it was drama. “He had pain too and he still does it” he has pain too and he still has to work” I told him to go to the doctor and he says why can’t u go with me? I go with u? We are in counseling and I am realizing there is no understanding for this guy. I told the truth on all these exact them and he held his excuses. He took himself to the doctor by himself without telling me finally and they told him exactly what I said to do take a Motrin it’s a possible muscle strain nothing physically wrong with u. Of course I had to force that out of him and he will never admit it. He tries to hide his narcissism by being nice to me in public but behind closed doors and on text it comes out. I can’t take it anymore. I’m planning to change my house locks and move his things out while he is gone to Belize for 7 days. I think this is the only way out unfortunately. I have told him to leave he won’t. I caught him talking to another female on his phone and he said it was to get my attention and show that he is still wanted by other women. He was married once before and she secretly left him by making him think she was moving back to Los Angeles for a job to better their family but she actually planned to leave him and never go back to Atlanta. She dos exactly that. I didn’t understand it in the beginning but I get it now. I will never be safe with him. He shows off everything I own as his own and boast about this big lifestyle that doesn’t exist. I see there is no hope. I have tried everything. I’m paying for all these counseling sessions and it’s getting no where. I can’t believe he is making an excuse for it being ok to plan a happy vacation during such a difficult time in my life. I just hope I am strong enough to make this move. I hate the fact that I may have to raise my son on my own as a single mother but I definitely don’t want him to get his personality traits and if I see any sign of it I will get him help right away.
I thought the same once too. Then came the reminder of how much genetics plays a role without the other ever being around
How did you ever ever ever put up with a person like this? He is downright selfish. Seriously pls leave him else you will forever rot in HIS WORLD. Vanessa was very kind to say we need to empathy for narcissist but some of them are coated with evil. Simply that. And we have no business empathizing evil intentions. You seem to be a very strong willed person having lived with this guy. Pls steer you own sail far away from him. You will be successful and more blessed. I hope you have a nice family and friends. Here’s also wishing you good health.
*God bless!*
Amen Brother. My ex is a narcissist. She almost destroyed me. I was to the point of suicide because of her. I literally had to get out to save my life.
Hi Anthony, thanks for reading! We’re always looking to provide practical and useful solutions. 🙂 -Danielle and the Science of People Team
It’s nice that you want to compliment the writer but it is obviously an unearned compliment. Someone with true Narcissistic Personality Disorder cannot be reached with empathy, unfortunately. The only rational advice is to limit your exposure to these people and thereby minimize the amount of damage they can do to your life.
You are correct. However, there are “degrees” of narcissism and with so many enablers/nurturing types out there who believe they can change a narcissist, they will spend time (read that as: waste time), often a lifetime, trying to interact with these robots and even having children with them! The horror!
Cater to them and they despise you for being weak and succumbing. Ignore them with the NC rule, and they will hover and reappear to keep another “source” alive and not allow you to move on. With these people, there is no way to win. Run away from them as fast as you can. They are toxic.
The lady is obviously misinformed. Narcissists- at least those diagnosed with the Personality disorder- are almost impossible to deal with in a relationship. What she suggests is give someone like this endless unconditional love and empathy- while you the partner get little to nothing. Leaving one drained, with a diminished self esteem- and no sense of self. This lady may be ‘book smart’ but has no real life experience dealing with clinical narcissists or psychopaths- both which are destructive people.
She astutely points out that this not a black and white disorder, but like most things, is a spectrum or continuum of behavior. I didn’t get from her that it was advisable to deal with people who are at extreme end of the scale…she didn’t use her time to offer any advice on that in this brief segment. In addition, there are various causes of narcissism. For instance, I recently learned quite a lot about people with Asperger’s Syndrome, also a condition that shows up in a wide spectrum. This is a mild form of autism where the brain is actually physically different. These people are usually very intelligent and creative, and even though they have a hard time not focusing on their personal world to the relative exclusion of the world of others, they are rarely hurtful or harmful or manipulative like other kinds of narcissists can often be. You expect too much in 6 minutes, and common sense would dictate that her advice is intended for friends, family members, and other acquaintances who merely have a leaning or tendency toward these conditions.
I agree. She doesn’t have any education in this – when you read her profile) so why would she be an authority on narcissism?
The man I married 3 years ago is not the same man I met. I have researched this personality disorder over and over. It appears my husband displays so many narcissistic traits and I am getting so very exhausted, and he will definitely deny he has narcissistic traits. He says he loves me, but I do not see it as unconditional love. And, with so much verbal abuse over the past few years, I no longer feel the love I once felt for him. He doesn’t see any of this and everything seems to be my fault, of course. I do not know how much longer I can deal with this. I am not sure if I need to try to continue to work it out with him or just give up and suggest divorce?? I am now beginning to lean towards the later as I am exhausted with the roller coaster ride of this marriage. I feel as though I am wasting my life and could end this marriage and go have fun with people who do not want to argue over everything that isn’t always mutually agreeable subjects/feelings/situations. I miss the old me that was so carefree, easy-going, happy and having lots of laughter in my life.
Hi Jen, you poor thing, I too have a Narc and they are truly exhausting, demoralizing and sometimes dangerous to be around. Its your hubby who has tried to destroy your soul to make himself feel better, that’s why you are feeling like you have lost yourself in this relationship. If you get away from him time will heal you and I promise you will laugh again and feel true love. Be careful when you leave him, as this is the worst type of rejection you can put on a Narc, to walk out on him, so maybe do it in secret. Good luck and remember Narcs are master manipulators.
Hi Jen, I read your story several times to make sure I understood everything you had to say. I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through and all that you’re going through now. I feel as if I know your feelings of exhaustion because I just went through this with my wife of ten years. May I suggest as was suggested to me .. try writing down all of the symptoms that your husband is displaying towards you on a regular basis. Then read the book called Walking on Eggshells. If you’re a fast tracker as a think you may be, skip the book and get the companion workbook. Compare your written observations with those in the workbook. Let me prepare you. It’s a harsh reality. The best situation would be if you were the source of the problems and not your husband, because you could and would fix you – right?!! You can’t fix somebody else. Once this reality sinks in .. read about your options in the workbook – because as you described, you know you have options. Okay, I’ll fast track it for you. You can simply do nothing and let things remain as they are right now. This as you know will diminish your own happiness and lower your self-esteem even further as much as you think that’s not humanly possible. You can try making changes in yourself to help ease the pain and exhaustion that you’re feeling now, but still never addressing the real problem – your husband. And so the status-quo remains and your personal happiness remains significantly compromised. You can get your husband to accept the fact that he has some issues and hope that he gets some much needed help. Be hopeful that he does, but know that often times spouses who have personality disorders, specifically narcissistic personality disorder and even borderline personality disorder can become extremely resentful at the fact that you would insinuate that ‘they’ are the source of the problems when clearly in their own narcissistic minds – you are the problem. They can and will make your life so much more miserable as much as you think that’s not humanly possible. Or lastly – you can get out. Mind you this needs to be given a lot of careful, private consideration so that you take the actions needed to keep yourself safe and protected – physically and financially. Never assume. Know this — if you do decide to get out, it will be very sad. But once you have made the decision – know that it needs to be clear cut – a ‘no going back’ decision. Now here’s the good part. If you’ve done all of your homework, your life will instantly start becoming so much better! No – I mean it. A can of soup eaten will sitting on the floor of an unfurnished apartment in front of a 12 inch portable TV without being criticized — it will be the best soup you’ve ever tasted! No longer will you have to endure the criticisms and all of the blame that you are now. No longer will you feel so exhausted. Good friends and good family will surround you. You will find yourself smiling more, then crying, then smiling more and more. You will discover new friends and have new and fun experiences – all without the criticism and blame that you are experiencing now. Never in my life have I experienced such sadness while staying with my wife – and so much happiness after having gone our separate ways. Please know – no matter what you decide – I wish you all the happiness that you so richly deserve. -John
I Also am married to someone with the same character traits. Hes never wrong and he talks and talks. He doesnt know when to let things go He never sees his wrong. Even our children hates talking to him because he physically and mentally drains us. After having a conversation about corn bread, he takes something small and makes it big. He thinks he knows everything about everytging. I have tried to be a good wife.He will take a simple ten minute conversation and turn it into a3 hour session. Afterward you are drained and often wish you never started an innocent conversation about the weather. And was sad he does it with are young kids. We have 4 boys. When he starts the long talks my sons just have a look of discuss on their face. Hes wearing his family
I also thought about divorce. I feel like im on eggshells with him because I never know what might cause him get off on nonstop conversation.
Thank you John for your summary of how to handle a Narc… Mine (my ex-daughter in law) tipped me into suicide, I was in a coma for a week, and in recovery for a month… I lost my hair and had to learn to walk again. The thing is, I’ve talked to my psychiatrist about it, and he ignores me, even tho I’m immersed in this situation. He needs to read what you wrote. But I can’t get away from her because she is the mother of my only two grandchildren, and I am so bonded to them that they are my life. The meanness and attacks and disrespect are killing me 🙁 I feel like her attacks are unspeakable, and horrific! It’s not just me- she treats everyone this way, and can’t keep a job or a boyfriend. My son won’t even mention her name, and that helps him, but I miss my grandkids so much. I’m retired and side-lined, except when I see the kiddos, they think I’m the cat’s meow.
Jen, run for the hills! Get out while you still have a thread of self esteem left. You can never change or fix a narcissist. Let him be someone else’s problem. He will cry and beg you to stay and tell you how wonderful you are but it’s all just a manipulation to get you to stay, to get his way. If you leave, he’ll replace you quickly with another poor woman who will be his next victim.
I am in the exact situation as you Jen. We’ve been married going on three years and he is also, not the man I married. I am so exsaugsted. He scares me and drains all of my self worth. Good luck!
I feel ya, Jen. And I have been in a marriage like this for over 25 years! I finally decided to set some boundaries, threatened to leave (just until I healed my mind some, and in the meantime he could get help), but he flipped out and all of a sudden flipped it around to act like he needed to leave me!!
She has done a great job identifying the traits of a textbox narcissist. However, I do agree with Peter that her solutions in dealing with them leave a lot to be desired. I do believe that to a very small degree, trying to be empathetic a bit and helping them identify problems is a good start. However, in the end, these people need to learn to be more compassionate, respectful and take time to be considerate about others.
Narcissist Personality DIsorder really is just a more psychological catch term for a very typical phenomenon in the realm of humanity , known as being “self-centered”, “proud”, “arrogant’ , “conceited” or a mixture of any of these traits. Bad behavior needs to be amended, not condoned and accepted.
Maybe, she was not so clear in her discussion, due to being rushed on her solutions to dealing wiht a narcissist. It sounds like she believed such a person cannot have a normal relationship, but needs someone to help them resolve issues that lead to the problem.
I would like a deeper explanation of her solution or maybe look deeper into what she discusses before I make a conclusion.
Thank you, Peter, I had the same reaction to this blog post.
Maybe she is one herself and is making sure she gets the attention she demands……
Wow, very possible. Good point! It Does kind of feel that way.
Im in a narcisstic relationship. Im a giver and he just takes and takes and takes. I just put my cat to test and the only thing he could say is whomis going to care for my feelings snd who is going to see me cry. Not once did he mention my cat or how I feel. Its just all about him all the time. I also think he is schizophrenic with bizarre personality disorders. I sm freaked out. Plus he manipulates at all times. Its all about how things appear to others. He tries to humiliate me in public in front of others to make himself look better. I find the older he gets the worse its getting. Plus he is a hoarder. I am very afraid of him. What do I do to get awat? Help!
Peter, I agree with what you are saying, but then again, the people who state basically that this is not someone speaking to the emotional abused and telling us to “just show empathy”. It couldn’t be! Because ANYONE who knows what we go through would know that this would just “feed the monster!!” It sounds more like she is quickly giving one solution to dealing with some narcs in general. I have read something like this before on a site offering therapy.
The lady is obviously misinformed. Narcissists- at least those diagnosed with the Personality disorder- are almost impossible to deal with in a relationship. What she suggests is give someone like this endless unconditional love and empathy- while you the partner get little to nothing. Leaving one drained, with a diminished self esteem- and no sense of self. This lady may be ‘book smart’ but has no real life experience dealing with clinical narcissists or psychopaths- both which are destructive people.
She astutely points out that this not a black and white disorder, but like most things, is a spectrum or continuum of behavior. I didn’t get from her that it was advisable to deal with people who are at extreme end of the scale…she didn’t use her time to offer any advice on that in this brief segment. In addition, there are various causes of narcissism. For instance, I recently learned quite a lot about people with Asperger’s Syndrome, also a condition that shows up in a wide spectrum. This is a mild form of autism where the brain is actually physically different. These people are usually very intelligent and creative, and even though they have a hard time not focusing on their personal world to the relative exclusion of the world of others, they are rarely hurtful or harmful or manipulative like other kinds of narcissists can often be. You expect too much in 6 minutes, and common sense would dictate that her advice is intended for friends, family members, and other acquaintances who merely have a leaning or tendency toward these conditions.
I agree. She doesn’t have any education in this – when you read her profile) so why would she be an authority on narcissism?
The man I married 3 years ago is not the same man I met. I have researched this personality disorder over and over. It appears my husband displays so many narcissistic traits and I am getting so very exhausted, and he will definitely deny he has narcissistic traits. He says he loves me, but I do not see it as unconditional love. And, with so much verbal abuse over the past few years, I no longer feel the love I once felt for him. He doesn’t see any of this and everything seems to be my fault, of course. I do not know how much longer I can deal with this. I am not sure if I need to try to continue to work it out with him or just give up and suggest divorce?? I am now beginning to lean towards the later as I am exhausted with the roller coaster ride of this marriage. I feel as though I am wasting my life and could end this marriage and go have fun with people who do not want to argue over everything that isn’t always mutually agreeable subjects/feelings/situations. I miss the old me that was so carefree, easy-going, happy and having lots of laughter in my life.
Hi Jen, you poor thing, I too have a Narc and they are truly exhausting, demoralizing and sometimes dangerous to be around. Its your hubby who has tried to destroy your soul to make himself feel better, that’s why you are feeling like you have lost yourself in this relationship. If you get away from him time will heal you and I promise you will laugh again and feel true love. Be careful when you leave him, as this is the worst type of rejection you can put on a Narc, to walk out on him, so maybe do it in secret. Good luck and remember Narcs are master manipulators.
Hi Jen, I read your story several times to make sure I understood everything you had to say. I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through and all that you’re going through now. I feel as if I know your feelings of exhaustion because I just went through this with my wife of ten years. May I suggest as was suggested to me .. try writing down all of the symptoms that your husband is displaying towards you on a regular basis. Then read the book called Walking on Eggshells. If you’re a fast tracker as a think you may be, skip the book and get the companion workbook. Compare your written observations with those in the workbook. Let me prepare you. It’s a harsh reality. The best situation would be if you were the source of the problems and not your husband, because you could and would fix you – right?!! You can’t fix somebody else. Once this reality sinks in .. read about your options in the workbook – because as you described, you know you have options. Okay, I’ll fast track it for you. You can simply do nothing and let things remain as they are right now. This as you know will diminish your own happiness and lower your self-esteem even further as much as you think that’s not humanly possible. You can try making changes in yourself to help ease the pain and exhaustion that you’re feeling now, but still never addressing the real problem – your husband. And so the status-quo remains and your personal happiness remains significantly compromised. You can get your husband to accept the fact that he has some issues and hope that he gets some much needed help. Be hopeful that he does, but know that often times spouses who have personality disorders, specifically narcissistic personality disorder and even borderline personality disorder can become extremely resentful at the fact that you would insinuate that ‘they’ are the source of the problems when clearly in their own narcissistic minds – you are the problem. They can and will make your life so much more miserable as much as you think that’s not humanly possible. Or lastly – you can get out. Mind you this needs to be given a lot of careful, private consideration so that you take the actions needed to keep yourself safe and protected – physically and financially. Never assume. Know this — if you do decide to get out, it will be very sad. But once you have made the decision – know that it needs to be clear cut – a ‘no going back’ decision. Now here’s the good part. If you’ve done all of your homework, your life will instantly start becoming so much better! No – I mean it. A can of soup eaten will sitting on the floor of an unfurnished apartment in front of a 12 inch portable TV without being criticized — it will be the best soup you’ve ever tasted! No longer will you have to endure the criticisms and all of the blame that you are now. No longer will you feel so exhausted. Good friends and good family will surround you. You will find yourself smiling more, then crying, then smiling more and more. You will discover new friends and have new and fun experiences – all without the criticism and blame that you are experiencing now. Never in my life have I experienced such sadness while staying with my wife – and so much happiness after having gone our separate ways. Please know – no matter what you decide – I wish you all the happiness that you so richly deserve. -John
I Also am married to someone with the same character traits. Hes never wrong and he talks and talks. He doesnt know when to let things go He never sees his wrong. Even our children hates talking to him because he physically and mentally drains us. After having a conversation about corn bread, he takes something small and makes it big. He thinks he knows everything about everytging. I have tried to be a good wife.He will take a simple ten minute conversation and turn it into a3 hour session. Afterward you are drained and often wish you never started an innocent conversation about the weather. And was sad he does it with are young kids. We have 4 boys. When he starts the long talks my sons just have a look of discuss on their face. Hes wearing his family
I also thought about divorce. I feel like im on eggshells with him because I never know what might cause him get off on nonstop conversation.
Thank you John for your summary of how to handle a Narc… Mine (my ex-daughter in law) tipped me into suicide, I was in a coma for a week, and in recovery for a month… I lost my hair and had to learn to walk again. The thing is, I’ve talked to my psychiatrist about it, and he ignores me, even tho I’m immersed in this situation. He needs to read what you wrote. But I can’t get away from her because she is the mother of my only two grandchildren, and I am so bonded to them that they are my life. The meanness and attacks and disrespect are killing me 🙁 I feel like her attacks are unspeakable, and horrific! It’s not just me- she treats everyone this way, and can’t keep a job or a boyfriend. My son won’t even mention her name, and that helps him, but I miss my grandkids so much. I’m retired and side-lined, except when I see the kiddos, they think I’m the cat’s meow.
Jen, run for the hills! Get out while you still have a thread of self esteem left. You can never change or fix a narcissist. Let him be someone else’s problem. He will cry and beg you to stay and tell you how wonderful you are but it’s all just a manipulation to get you to stay, to get his way. If you leave, he’ll replace you quickly with another poor woman who will be his next victim.
I am in the exact situation as you Jen. We’ve been married going on three years and he is also, not the man I married. I am so exsaugsted. He scares me and drains all of my self worth. Good luck!
I feel ya, Jen. And I have been in a marriage like this for over 25 years! I finally decided to set some boundaries, threatened to leave (just until I healed my mind some, and in the meantime he could get help), but he flipped out and all of a sudden flipped it around to act like he needed to leave me!!
She has done a great job identifying the traits of a textbox narcissist. However, I do agree with Peter that her solutions in dealing with them leave a lot to be desired. I do believe that to a very small degree, trying to be empathetic a bit and helping them identify problems is a good start. However, in the end, these people need to learn to be more compassionate, respectful and take time to be considerate about others.
Narcissist Personality DIsorder really is just a more psychological catch term for a very typical phenomenon in the realm of humanity , known as being “self-centered”, “proud”, “arrogant’ , “conceited” or a mixture of any of these traits. Bad behavior needs to be amended, not condoned and accepted.
Maybe, she was not so clear in her discussion, due to being rushed on her solutions to dealing wiht a narcissist. It sounds like she believed such a person cannot have a normal relationship, but needs someone to help them resolve issues that lead to the problem.
I would like a deeper explanation of her solution or maybe look deeper into what she discusses before I make a conclusion.
Thank you, Peter, I had the same reaction to this blog post.
Maybe she is one herself and is making sure she gets the attention she demands……
Wow, very possible. Good point! It Does kind of feel that way.
Im in a narcisstic relationship. Im a giver and he just takes and takes and takes. I just put my cat to test and the only thing he could say is whomis going to care for my feelings snd who is going to see me cry. Not once did he mention my cat or how I feel. Its just all about him all the time. I also think he is schizophrenic with bizarre personality disorders. I sm freaked out. Plus he manipulates at all times. Its all about how things appear to others. He tries to humiliate me in public in front of others to make himself look better. I find the older he gets the worse its getting. Plus he is a hoarder. I am very afraid of him. What do I do to get awat? Help!
Peter, I agree with what you are saying, but then again, the people who state basically that this is not someone speaking to the emotional abused and telling us to “just show empathy”. It couldn’t be! Because ANYONE who knows what we go through would know that this would just “feed the monster!!” It sounds more like she is quickly giving one solution to dealing with some narcs in general. I have read something like this before on a site offering therapy.
The lady is obviously misinformed. Narcissists- at least those diagnosed with the Personality disorder- are almost impossible to deal with in a relationship. What she suggests is give someone like this endless unconditional love and empathy- while you the partner get little to nothing. Leaving one drained, with a diminished self esteem- and no sense of self. This lady may be ‘book smart’ but has no real life experience dealing with clinical narcissists or psychopaths- both which are destructive people.
She astutely points out that this not a black and white disorder, but like most things, is a spectrum or continuum of behavior. I didn’t get from her that it was advisable to deal with people who are at extreme end of the scale…she didn’t use her time to offer any advice on that in this brief segment. In addition, there are various causes of narcissism. For instance, I recently learned quite a lot about people with Asperger’s Syndrome, also a condition that shows up in a wide spectrum. This is a mild form of autism where the brain is actually physically different. These people are usually very intelligent and creative, and even though they have a hard time not focusing on their personal world to the relative exclusion of the world of others, they are rarely hurtful or harmful or manipulative like other kinds of narcissists can often be. You expect too much in 6 minutes, and common sense would dictate that her advice is intended for friends, family members, and other acquaintances who merely have a leaning or tendency toward these conditions.
I agree. She doesn’t have any education in this – when you read her profile) so why would she be an authority on narcissism?
The man I married 3 years ago is not the same man I met. I have researched this personality disorder over and over. It appears my husband displays so many narcissistic traits and I am getting so very exhausted, and he will definitely deny he has narcissistic traits. He says he loves me, but I do not see it as unconditional love. And, with so much verbal abuse over the past few years, I no longer feel the love I once felt for him. He doesn’t see any of this and everything seems to be my fault, of course. I do not know how much longer I can deal with this. I am not sure if I need to try to continue to work it out with him or just give up and suggest divorce?? I am now beginning to lean towards the later as I am exhausted with the roller coaster ride of this marriage. I feel as though I am wasting my life and could end this marriage and go have fun with people who do not want to argue over everything that isn’t always mutually agreeable subjects/feelings/situations. I miss the old me that was so carefree, easy-going, happy and having lots of laughter in my life.
Hi Jen, you poor thing, I too have a Narc and they are truly exhausting, demoralizing and sometimes dangerous to be around. Its your hubby who has tried to destroy your soul to make himself feel better, that’s why you are feeling like you have lost yourself in this relationship. If you get away from him time will heal you and I promise you will laugh again and feel true love. Be careful when you leave him, as this is the worst type of rejection you can put on a Narc, to walk out on him, so maybe do it in secret. Good luck and remember Narcs are master manipulators.
Hi Jen, I read your story several times to make sure I understood everything you had to say. I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through and all that you’re going through now. I feel as if I know your feelings of exhaustion because I just went through this with my wife of ten years. May I suggest as was suggested to me .. try writing down all of the symptoms that your husband is displaying towards you on a regular basis. Then read the book called Walking on Eggshells. If you’re a fast tracker as a think you may be, skip the book and get the companion workbook. Compare your written observations with those in the workbook. Let me prepare you. It’s a harsh reality. The best situation would be if you were the source of the problems and not your husband, because you could and would fix you – right?!! You can’t fix somebody else. Once this reality sinks in .. read about your options in the workbook – because as you described, you know you have options. Okay, I’ll fast track it for you. You can simply do nothing and let things remain as they are right now. This as you know will diminish your own happiness and lower your self-esteem even further as much as you think that’s not humanly possible. You can try making changes in yourself to help ease the pain and exhaustion that you’re feeling now, but still never addressing the real problem – your husband. And so the status-quo remains and your personal happiness remains significantly compromised. You can get your husband to accept the fact that he has some issues and hope that he gets some much needed help. Be hopeful that he does, but know that often times spouses who have personality disorders, specifically narcissistic personality disorder and even borderline personality disorder can become extremely resentful at the fact that you would insinuate that ‘they’ are the source of the problems when clearly in their own narcissistic minds – you are the problem. They can and will make your life so much more miserable as much as you think that’s not humanly possible. Or lastly – you can get out. Mind you this needs to be given a lot of careful, private consideration so that you take the actions needed to keep yourself safe and protected – physically and financially. Never assume. Know this — if you do decide to get out, it will be very sad. But once you have made the decision – know that it needs to be clear cut – a ‘no going back’ decision. Now here’s the good part. If you’ve done all of your homework, your life will instantly start becoming so much better! No – I mean it. A can of soup eaten will sitting on the floor of an unfurnished apartment in front of a 12 inch portable TV without being criticized — it will be the best soup you’ve ever tasted! No longer will you have to endure the criticisms and all of the blame that you are now. No longer will you feel so exhausted. Good friends and good family will surround you. You will find yourself smiling more, then crying, then smiling more and more. You will discover new friends and have new and fun experiences – all without the criticism and blame that you are experiencing now. Never in my life have I experienced such sadness while staying with my wife – and so much happiness after having gone our separate ways. Please know – no matter what you decide – I wish you all the happiness that you so richly deserve. -John
I Also am married to someone with the same character traits. Hes never wrong and he talks and talks. He doesnt know when to let things go He never sees his wrong. Even our children hates talking to him because he physically and mentally drains us. After having a conversation about corn bread, he takes something small and makes it big. He thinks he knows everything about everytging. I have tried to be a good wife.He will take a simple ten minute conversation and turn it into a3 hour session. Afterward you are drained and often wish you never started an innocent conversation about the weather. And was sad he does it with are young kids. We have 4 boys. When he starts the long talks my sons just have a look of discuss on their face. Hes wearing his family
I also thought about divorce. I feel like im on eggshells with him because I never know what might cause him get off on nonstop conversation.
Thank you John for your summary of how to handle a Narc… Mine (my ex-daughter in law) tipped me into suicide, I was in a coma for a week, and in recovery for a month… I lost my hair and had to learn to walk again. The thing is, I’ve talked to my psychiatrist about it, and he ignores me, even tho I’m immersed in this situation. He needs to read what you wrote. But I can’t get away from her because she is the mother of my only two grandchildren, and I am so bonded to them that they are my life. The meanness and attacks and disrespect are killing me 🙁 I feel like her attacks are unspeakable, and horrific! It’s not just me- she treats everyone this way, and can’t keep a job or a boyfriend. My son won’t even mention her name, and that helps him, but I miss my grandkids so much. I’m retired and side-lined, except when I see the kiddos, they think I’m the cat’s meow.
Jen, run for the hills! Get out while you still have a thread of self esteem left. You can never change or fix a narcissist. Let him be someone else’s problem. He will cry and beg you to stay and tell you how wonderful you are but it’s all just a manipulation to get you to stay, to get his way. If you leave, he’ll replace you quickly with another poor woman who will be his next victim.
I am in the exact situation as you Jen. We’ve been married going on three years and he is also, not the man I married. I am so exsaugsted. He scares me and drains all of my self worth. Good luck!
I feel ya, Jen. And I have been in a marriage like this for over 25 years! I finally decided to set some boundaries, threatened to leave (just until I healed my mind some, and in the meantime he could get help), but he flipped out and all of a sudden flipped it around to act like he needed to leave me!!
She has done a great job identifying the traits of a textbox narcissist. However, I do agree with Peter that her solutions in dealing with them leave a lot to be desired. I do believe that to a very small degree, trying to be empathetic a bit and helping them identify problems is a good start. However, in the end, these people need to learn to be more compassionate, respectful and take time to be considerate about others.
Narcissist Personality DIsorder really is just a more psychological catch term for a very typical phenomenon in the realm of humanity , known as being “self-centered”, “proud”, “arrogant’ , “conceited” or a mixture of any of these traits. Bad behavior needs to be amended, not condoned and accepted.
Maybe, she was not so clear in her discussion, due to being rushed on her solutions to dealing wiht a narcissist. It sounds like she believed such a person cannot have a normal relationship, but needs someone to help them resolve issues that lead to the problem.
I would like a deeper explanation of her solution or maybe look deeper into what she discusses before I make a conclusion.
Thank you, Peter, I had the same reaction to this blog post.
Maybe she is one herself and is making sure she gets the attention she demands……
Wow, very possible. Good point! It Does kind of feel that way.
Im in a narcisstic relationship. Im a giver and he just takes and takes and takes. I just put my cat to test and the only thing he could say is whomis going to care for my feelings snd who is going to see me cry. Not once did he mention my cat or how I feel. Its just all about him all the time. I also think he is schizophrenic with bizarre personality disorders. I sm freaked out. Plus he manipulates at all times. Its all about how things appear to others. He tries to humiliate me in public in front of others to make himself look better. I find the older he gets the worse its getting. Plus he is a hoarder. I am very afraid of him. What do I do to get awat? Help!
Peter, I agree with what you are saying, but then again, the people who state basically that this is not someone speaking to the emotional abused and telling us to “just show empathy”. It couldn’t be! Because ANYONE who knows what we go through would know that this would just “feed the monster!!” It sounds more like she is quickly giving one solution to dealing with some narcs in general. I have read something like this before on a site offering therapy.
I have someone in my world who’s a narcissist but it took a long time for me to realize it. For quite a while I supposed I was earning her trust and when that happened, she’d finally show some interest in me for a change. Obviously that never happened and ultimately I was exhausted by the one way relationship.
Funny thing is, I felt bad about stepping away from the relationship – thinking I might be hurting her feelings.
Silly me… she probably never noticed! LOL!
Hi Kelly, thank you for sharing your experience! It can be very difficult to leave the relationship, because it’s natural to want to continue trying to make it a two-way street. Sometimes, removing yourself (like you did) is the healthier alternative! -Danielle and the Science of People Team
It is very tough to deal with a narcissist. In general they are very unhappy people because they know something is wrong, but due to the very nature of narcissism they will never admit it. Since the disorder itself prevents them from ever admitting they have a problem or are ever wrong about anything, they will never get better or change. That is why it is best to leave them alone/ get away and stay away.
Very true. They will never seek help. If they were forced to go to a shrink they would just try to manipulate him/her. It would never work, just a complete waste of money and time. Escape from the narcissist and save yourself.
Kelly I had a friend like this and it completely broke my heart to end the friendship. We had a mutual friend that she thought was on drugs and on my birthday at dinner she brought it up. I reassured her it was merely stress that had black circles around his eyes because he had just lost his job. She took the conversation from the table and went back to her boyfriend and told him. Her boyfriend who is a friend of his went back and told him everything that was said at the table. My friend had called me thinking I had went and said something negative about him and I told him the truth I informed him of how the conversation started and how she brought it up and my mind was blown because she had blamed everything on me. Later on that evening she called me asking me why I was talking about her. If I was her friend why am I speaking about her behind her back. She told me friends don’t act this way and that I was a screwed up individual. At this point I was pissed off I have always defended her I have always been there for her and at this time it dawned on me that she was out of control. I told her she needed to stop playing the victim because that was her favorite roll. I told her that she took a misunderstanding and made it into something bigger. I told her that until she realized all the drama she had caused she and I do not need to speak……. I haven’t heard from her and that was almost 2 years ago
I have someone in my world who’s a narcissist but it took a long time for me to realize it. For quite a while I supposed I was earning her trust and when that happened, she’d finally show some interest in me for a change. Obviously that never happened and ultimately I was exhausted by the one way relationship.
Funny thing is, I felt bad about stepping away from the relationship – thinking I might be hurting her feelings.
Silly me… she probably never noticed! LOL!
Hi Kelly, thank you for sharing your experience! It can be very difficult to leave the relationship, because it’s natural to want to continue trying to make it a two-way street. Sometimes, removing yourself (like you did) is the healthier alternative! -Danielle and the Science of People Team
It is very tough to deal with a narcissist. In general they are very unhappy people because they know something is wrong, but due to the very nature of narcissism they will never admit it. Since the disorder itself prevents them from ever admitting they have a problem or are ever wrong about anything, they will never get better or change. That is why it is best to leave them alone/ get away and stay away.
Very true. They will never seek help. If they were forced to go to a shrink they would just try to manipulate him/her. It would never work, just a complete waste of money and time. Escape from the narcissist and save yourself.
Kelly I had a friend like this and it completely broke my heart to end the friendship. We had a mutual friend that she thought was on drugs and on my birthday at dinner she brought it up. I reassured her it was merely stress that had black circles around his eyes because he had just lost his job. She took the conversation from the table and went back to her boyfriend and told him. Her boyfriend who is a friend of his went back and told him everything that was said at the table. My friend had called me thinking I had went and said something negative about him and I told him the truth I informed him of how the conversation started and how she brought it up and my mind was blown because she had blamed everything on me. Later on that evening she called me asking me why I was talking about her. If I was her friend why am I speaking about her behind her back. She told me friends don’t act this way and that I was a screwed up individual. At this point I was pissed off I have always defended her I have always been there for her and at this time it dawned on me that she was out of control. I told her she needed to stop playing the victim because that was her favorite roll. I told her that she took a misunderstanding and made it into something bigger. I told her that until she realized all the drama she had caused she and I do not need to speak……. I haven’t heard from her and that was almost 2 years ago
I have someone in my world who’s a narcissist but it took a long time for me to realize it. For quite a while I supposed I was earning her trust and when that happened, she’d finally show some interest in me for a change. Obviously that never happened and ultimately I was exhausted by the one way relationship.
Funny thing is, I felt bad about stepping away from the relationship – thinking I might be hurting her feelings.
Silly me… she probably never noticed! LOL!
Hi Kelly, thank you for sharing your experience! It can be very difficult to leave the relationship, because it’s natural to want to continue trying to make it a two-way street. Sometimes, removing yourself (like you did) is the healthier alternative! -Danielle and the Science of People Team
It is very tough to deal with a narcissist. In general they are very unhappy people because they know something is wrong, but due to the very nature of narcissism they will never admit it. Since the disorder itself prevents them from ever admitting they have a problem or are ever wrong about anything, they will never get better or change. That is why it is best to leave them alone/ get away and stay away.
Very true. They will never seek help. If they were forced to go to a shrink they would just try to manipulate him/her. It would never work, just a complete waste of money and time. Escape from the narcissist and save yourself.
Kelly I had a friend like this and it completely broke my heart to end the friendship. We had a mutual friend that she thought was on drugs and on my birthday at dinner she brought it up. I reassured her it was merely stress that had black circles around his eyes because he had just lost his job. She took the conversation from the table and went back to her boyfriend and told him. Her boyfriend who is a friend of his went back and told him everything that was said at the table. My friend had called me thinking I had went and said something negative about him and I told him the truth I informed him of how the conversation started and how she brought it up and my mind was blown because she had blamed everything on me. Later on that evening she called me asking me why I was talking about her. If I was her friend why am I speaking about her behind her back. She told me friends don’t act this way and that I was a screwed up individual. At this point I was pissed off I have always defended her I have always been there for her and at this time it dawned on me that she was out of control. I told her she needed to stop playing the victim because that was her favorite roll. I told her that she took a misunderstanding and made it into something bigger. I told her that until she realized all the drama she had caused she and I do not need to speak……. I haven’t heard from her and that was almost 2 years ago
There are some narcissists that you cannot just walk away from; like a parent or child. All you can do is work on your own issues and set boundaries. And be nice and understand where they are coming from. I appreciate this article.
There are some narcissists that you cannot just walk away from; like a parent or child. All you can do is work on your own issues and set boundaries. And be nice and understand where they are coming from. I appreciate this article.
There are some narcissists that you cannot just walk away from; like a parent or child. All you can do is work on your own issues and set boundaries. And be nice and understand where they are coming from. I appreciate this article.
The general interest level and academic approach is great for people unscathed by such topics that are really just entertained and amused with gossip level criteria. But to rely on the info for any worth other than entertainment gossip is assumptive expectation and foolish. I won’t even bother to directly reason with it for more, just thought I would say so for anyone on the idea of throwing empathy in where non is noticed other than another means to exploit. Your human nature, and that of others is used against you interpersonally in cunning manipulative ways undermining normal expectations, roles, emotions, personality traits, integrities to keep the narcissistic supply is second nature for the narcissistic and often they don’t even realize it so they are truley uneffected by what they do seemingly remorseless even when repeatedly demonstrated as such they enjoy the repeated distress and power to cause it relying on your empathy and compassion to remain as a source of validation to their false self valuation. It’s non-negotiable only remolded into the same theme reissued continually deceptive and incalculably to ones deficit. Offering empathy best not be tied to reality because theirs no sympathy. Offer sympathy but do nothing you don’t to for your own self. “What your personal passion project?” Is a red flag question to me of a gossip.
Not to be picky, but your condescending undertones coupled with obfuscating verbiage begs the question: what are you trying to accomplish? Having a mediocre vocabulary and knowing how to wield it are not the same thing. I can not decipher if your intent is to belittle the reader or belittle their abusive narcissist, Or is it just to hear yourself talk.
I wouldn’t comment if I thought your intent was non-malignant. It seems like you want to blame the victim rather then the abuser. If I have the wrong idea, I apologize. However, if that’s the feeling I get from the construct of your sentences and the use of your vocabulary, well……,then…….? Maybe you’re seeking praise? Idk. Just didn’t like the obfuscation and moralizing with obvious superiority.
Signed——
Still in recovery from a sociopathic narcissist —-
Is that oxymoronic? Or a redundant term??
Cheers!
The general interest level and academic approach is great for people unscathed by such topics that are really just entertained and amused with gossip level criteria. But to rely on the info for any worth other than entertainment gossip is assumptive expectation and foolish. I won’t even bother to directly reason with it for more, just thought I would say so for anyone on the idea of throwing empathy in where non is noticed other than another means to exploit. Your human nature, and that of others is used against you interpersonally in cunning manipulative ways undermining normal expectations, roles, emotions, personality traits, integrities to keep the narcissistic supply is second nature for the narcissistic and often they don’t even realize it so they are truley uneffected by what they do seemingly remorseless even when repeatedly demonstrated as such they enjoy the repeated distress and power to cause it relying on your empathy and compassion to remain as a source of validation to their false self valuation. It’s non-negotiable only remolded into the same theme reissued continually deceptive and incalculably to ones deficit. Offering empathy best not be tied to reality because theirs no sympathy. Offer sympathy but do nothing you don’t to for your own self. “What your personal passion project?” Is a red flag question to me of a gossip.
Not to be picky, but your condescending undertones coupled with obfuscating verbiage begs the question: what are you trying to accomplish? Having a mediocre vocabulary and knowing how to wield it are not the same thing. I can not decipher if your intent is to belittle the reader or belittle their abusive narcissist, Or is it just to hear yourself talk.
I wouldn’t comment if I thought your intent was non-malignant. It seems like you want to blame the victim rather then the abuser. If I have the wrong idea, I apologize. However, if that’s the feeling I get from the construct of your sentences and the use of your vocabulary, well……,then…….? Maybe you’re seeking praise? Idk. Just didn’t like the obfuscation and moralizing with obvious superiority.
Signed——
Still in recovery from a sociopathic narcissist —-
Is that oxymoronic? Or a redundant term??
Cheers!
The general interest level and academic approach is great for people unscathed by such topics that are really just entertained and amused with gossip level criteria. But to rely on the info for any worth other than entertainment gossip is assumptive expectation and foolish. I won’t even bother to directly reason with it for more, just thought I would say so for anyone on the idea of throwing empathy in where non is noticed other than another means to exploit. Your human nature, and that of others is used against you interpersonally in cunning manipulative ways undermining normal expectations, roles, emotions, personality traits, integrities to keep the narcissistic supply is second nature for the narcissistic and often they don’t even realize it so they are truley uneffected by what they do seemingly remorseless even when repeatedly demonstrated as such they enjoy the repeated distress and power to cause it relying on your empathy and compassion to remain as a source of validation to their false self valuation. It’s non-negotiable only remolded into the same theme reissued continually deceptive and incalculably to ones deficit. Offering empathy best not be tied to reality because theirs no sympathy. Offer sympathy but do nothing you don’t to for your own self. “What your personal passion project?” Is a red flag question to me of a gossip.
Not to be picky, but your condescending undertones coupled with obfuscating verbiage begs the question: what are you trying to accomplish? Having a mediocre vocabulary and knowing how to wield it are not the same thing. I can not decipher if your intent is to belittle the reader or belittle their abusive narcissist, Or is it just to hear yourself talk.
I wouldn’t comment if I thought your intent was non-malignant. It seems like you want to blame the victim rather then the abuser. If I have the wrong idea, I apologize. However, if that’s the feeling I get from the construct of your sentences and the use of your vocabulary, well……,then…….? Maybe you’re seeking praise? Idk. Just didn’t like the obfuscation and moralizing with obvious superiority.
Signed——
Still in recovery from a sociopathic narcissist —-
Is that oxymoronic? Or a redundant term??
Cheers!
Behavioral Investigator. Why imply integrity to what is considered nosy, then to publish findings as educational information, gossip monger
Behavioral Investigator. Why imply integrity to what is considered nosy, then to publish findings as educational information, gossip monger
Behavioral Investigator. Why imply integrity to what is considered nosy, then to publish findings as educational information, gossip monger
I agree with peter. Narcissists are often unable to love anyone other than themselves. They are best avoided than understood. There is no reward that will come from attempting to understand and please a narcissist. The most experienced of practitioners and psychiatrists understand this concept – though many of them will never admit to it. Conclusively, you have to limit the amount of affection and empathy you give to a person who does not understand reciprocity – otherwise they will just drain you dry.
This woman does not understand what it is like to actually deal with a narcissist . She is just regurgitating the same rigmarole most college students read in their textbooks these days. Narcissists know that how they behave hurts others around them, but refuse to change because it takes too much effort for them. Some narcissists deserve to have their insecurities thrown at them, especially if they are intentionally hurting you after you’ve already openly told them their behavior hurts your feelings. If you really want to psychologically shake a narcissist, The worst thing you can say to them is that they are average, or below average or to put them in a situation where they are reliant on you for validation – then let them down . They will try to hide a reaction behind the “mask” they’ve created to hide expressions, but look at their blinking patterns and you will see that what you are saying is getting to them.
I’ve dealt with narcissists, drug addicts, autistics, bi polars and schizophrenics. I’ve been through hell and back. Do I regret the people i’ve dated? Of course not. There was a time when they broke me down, but now if another one of them try to stand in my way – they will be at the mercy of my sword crafted from experience and knowledge.
that’s all i have to say, may the rest of you learn to slay the evil that is out there. Good luck on your journeys.
Excellent! May I call on you for advice? Just kidding! but not really.
Wow I can’t appreciate your comment enough! I’m married to a man that’s a full blown Narcissist and I know he takes so much pleasure seeing me hurt, disappointed, and lost. He’s so manipulative, condescending and arrogant to an unbearable level. Everything argument and all the wrong in our marriage is solely my fault, according to him. He lack empathy, understanding, and support for me. I can’t even go to him to a concern without him saying I’m trying to argue. I can have a heart to heart conversation with this man!Lately, I’ve decided to fight fire with fire and turn the script on him. I’ve started to treat him exactly the same way he treats me. And surprisingly I don’t feel sorry or remorse cause I know he will say or do things to hurt and won’t give a damn, so why should I give a damn about his feelings. I get a smirk everything he does not and I feel he knows what he’s doing. Never remorseful or apologetic even when confronted. So now let the game begins. Two can play that narcissistic game!
I agree with peter. Narcissists are often unable to love anyone other than themselves. They are best avoided than understood. There is no reward that will come from attempting to understand and please a narcissist. The most experienced of practitioners and psychiatrists understand this concept – though many of them will never admit to it. Conclusively, you have to limit the amount of affection and empathy you give to a person who does not understand reciprocity – otherwise they will just drain you dry.
This woman does not understand what it is like to actually deal with a narcissist . She is just regurgitating the same rigmarole most college students read in their textbooks these days. Narcissists know that how they behave hurts others around them, but refuse to change because it takes too much effort for them. Some narcissists deserve to have their insecurities thrown at them, especially if they are intentionally hurting you after you’ve already openly told them their behavior hurts your feelings. If you really want to psychologically shake a narcissist, The worst thing you can say to them is that they are average, or below average or to put them in a situation where they are reliant on you for validation – then let them down . They will try to hide a reaction behind the “mask” they’ve created to hide expressions, but look at their blinking patterns and you will see that what you are saying is getting to them.
I’ve dealt with narcissists, drug addicts, autistics, bi polars and schizophrenics. I’ve been through hell and back. Do I regret the people i’ve dated? Of course not. There was a time when they broke me down, but now if another one of them try to stand in my way – they will be at the mercy of my sword crafted from experience and knowledge.
that’s all i have to say, may the rest of you learn to slay the evil that is out there. Good luck on your journeys.
Excellent! May I call on you for advice? Just kidding! but not really.
Wow I can’t appreciate your comment enough! I’m married to a man that’s a full blown Narcissist and I know he takes so much pleasure seeing me hurt, disappointed, and lost. He’s so manipulative, condescending and arrogant to an unbearable level. Everything argument and all the wrong in our marriage is solely my fault, according to him. He lack empathy, understanding, and support for me. I can’t even go to him to a concern without him saying I’m trying to argue. I can have a heart to heart conversation with this man!Lately, I’ve decided to fight fire with fire and turn the script on him. I’ve started to treat him exactly the same way he treats me. And surprisingly I don’t feel sorry or remorse cause I know he will say or do things to hurt and won’t give a damn, so why should I give a damn about his feelings. I get a smirk everything he does not and I feel he knows what he’s doing. Never remorseful or apologetic even when confronted. So now let the game begins. Two can play that narcissistic game!
I agree with peter. Narcissists are often unable to love anyone other than themselves. They are best avoided than understood. There is no reward that will come from attempting to understand and please a narcissist. The most experienced of practitioners and psychiatrists understand this concept – though many of them will never admit to it. Conclusively, you have to limit the amount of affection and empathy you give to a person who does not understand reciprocity – otherwise they will just drain you dry.
This woman does not understand what it is like to actually deal with a narcissist . She is just regurgitating the same rigmarole most college students read in their textbooks these days. Narcissists know that how they behave hurts others around them, but refuse to change because it takes too much effort for them. Some narcissists deserve to have their insecurities thrown at them, especially if they are intentionally hurting you after you’ve already openly told them their behavior hurts your feelings. If you really want to psychologically shake a narcissist, The worst thing you can say to them is that they are average, or below average or to put them in a situation where they are reliant on you for validation – then let them down . They will try to hide a reaction behind the “mask” they’ve created to hide expressions, but look at their blinking patterns and you will see that what you are saying is getting to them.
I’ve dealt with narcissists, drug addicts, autistics, bi polars and schizophrenics. I’ve been through hell and back. Do I regret the people i’ve dated? Of course not. There was a time when they broke me down, but now if another one of them try to stand in my way – they will be at the mercy of my sword crafted from experience and knowledge.
that’s all i have to say, may the rest of you learn to slay the evil that is out there. Good luck on your journeys.
Excellent! May I call on you for advice? Just kidding! but not really.
Wow I can’t appreciate your comment enough! I’m married to a man that’s a full blown Narcissist and I know he takes so much pleasure seeing me hurt, disappointed, and lost. He’s so manipulative, condescending and arrogant to an unbearable level. Everything argument and all the wrong in our marriage is solely my fault, according to him. He lack empathy, understanding, and support for me. I can’t even go to him to a concern without him saying I’m trying to argue. I can have a heart to heart conversation with this man!Lately, I’ve decided to fight fire with fire and turn the script on him. I’ve started to treat him exactly the same way he treats me. And surprisingly I don’t feel sorry or remorse cause I know he will say or do things to hurt and won’t give a damn, so why should I give a damn about his feelings. I get a smirk everything he does not and I feel he knows what he’s doing. Never remorseful or apologetic even when confronted. So now let the game begins. Two can play that narcissistic game!
This is an interesting article. I did not know there was an actual diagnosis for narcissistic people. thank you for the research as I now know how to deal this type of person.
This is an interesting article. I did not know there was an actual diagnosis for narcissistic people. thank you for the research as I now know how to deal this type of person.
This is an interesting article. I did not know there was an actual diagnosis for narcissistic people. thank you for the research as I now know how to deal this type of person.
I find that using empathy and compassion with narcissists always just leads them on to keep the conversation and action resolving around them, and leads to the dynamic of becoming the rescuer, which is not at all conducive to the empath/sensitive who is trying to care for them. Being a rescuer, only leads to be used ( to provide narcissist supply), abused ( when you touch the topic of truth about the reality of subjects related to them, or of being used- which happens due to being drained from getting nothing in return- which the narcissist expertly turns around and directs it back upon the carer, or when they feel that you are a threat to them being in ‘control’ even if you are the best person to take control in a life/death situation!). The best way to deal with narcissists it to leave them alone, keep way away from them, and if you have to be with them for any reason, just throw compliments and flattery at them, as this way you will not be exposed to their toxicity! Then, run… get out of there quickly, cause they will forget about you the moment you are not around to boost them up, and do things for them, as to them a person that ‘supplies’ is an extension of themselves, and do you want to be an extension of them?
Perfect summary! This is literally what I went through with a close friend. I cannot even begin to tell the story b/c it’s too long but you definitely covered all bases. I kept getting drawn in thinking I was being a good friend and thinking that I couldn’t abandon her like so many others had but it took me researching this disorder to finally accept that this is indeed what she suffers from and there is really nothing that I can do. It’s beyond draining. All you can do is pray for them and keep it moving…less interaction really is best. Sucks but it’s the truth.
I find that using empathy and compassion with narcissists always just leads them on to keep the conversation and action resolving around them, and leads to the dynamic of becoming the rescuer, which is not at all conducive to the empath/sensitive who is trying to care for them. Being a rescuer, only leads to be used ( to provide narcissist supply), abused ( when you touch the topic of truth about the reality of subjects related to them, or of being used- which happens due to being drained from getting nothing in return- which the narcissist expertly turns around and directs it back upon the carer, or when they feel that you are a threat to them being in ‘control’ even if you are the best person to take control in a life/death situation!). The best way to deal with narcissists it to leave them alone, keep way away from them, and if you have to be with them for any reason, just throw compliments and flattery at them, as this way you will not be exposed to their toxicity! Then, run… get out of there quickly, cause they will forget about you the moment you are not around to boost them up, and do things for them, as to them a person that ‘supplies’ is an extension of themselves, and do you want to be an extension of them?
Perfect summary! This is literally what I went through with a close friend. I cannot even begin to tell the story b/c it’s too long but you definitely covered all bases. I kept getting drawn in thinking I was being a good friend and thinking that I couldn’t abandon her like so many others had but it took me researching this disorder to finally accept that this is indeed what she suffers from and there is really nothing that I can do. It’s beyond draining. All you can do is pray for them and keep it moving…less interaction really is best. Sucks but it’s the truth.
I find that using empathy and compassion with narcissists always just leads them on to keep the conversation and action resolving around them, and leads to the dynamic of becoming the rescuer, which is not at all conducive to the empath/sensitive who is trying to care for them. Being a rescuer, only leads to be used ( to provide narcissist supply), abused ( when you touch the topic of truth about the reality of subjects related to them, or of being used- which happens due to being drained from getting nothing in return- which the narcissist expertly turns around and directs it back upon the carer, or when they feel that you are a threat to them being in ‘control’ even if you are the best person to take control in a life/death situation!). The best way to deal with narcissists it to leave them alone, keep way away from them, and if you have to be with them for any reason, just throw compliments and flattery at them, as this way you will not be exposed to their toxicity! Then, run… get out of there quickly, cause they will forget about you the moment you are not around to boost them up, and do things for them, as to them a person that ‘supplies’ is an extension of themselves, and do you want to be an extension of them?
Perfect summary! This is literally what I went through with a close friend. I cannot even begin to tell the story b/c it’s too long but you definitely covered all bases. I kept getting drawn in thinking I was being a good friend and thinking that I couldn’t abandon her like so many others had but it took me researching this disorder to finally accept that this is indeed what she suffers from and there is really nothing that I can do. It’s beyond draining. All you can do is pray for them and keep it moving…less interaction really is best. Sucks but it’s the truth.
HI, All,
I have a friend who is very narcissistic! She continuously talks about herself. If any conversation is going it ALWAYS has to revolve around her, what she does, says, where she goes, her family and she very rarely lets anyone turn the conversation around, so much so that it gets very boring and it is now getting on my nerves. We are due to go on holiday soon and I don’t want to fall out with this lady and ruin the holiday so can anyone PLEASE give me any advice on how to handle this situation. We do clash as friends and this really is not jealousy, I would much rather listen to other people as well as her.
HI, All,
I have a friend who is very narcissistic! She continuously talks about herself. If any conversation is going it ALWAYS has to revolve around her, what she does, says, where she goes, her family and she very rarely lets anyone turn the conversation around, so much so that it gets very boring and it is now getting on my nerves. We are due to go on holiday soon and I don’t want to fall out with this lady and ruin the holiday so can anyone PLEASE give me any advice on how to handle this situation. We do clash as friends and this really is not jealousy, I would much rather listen to other people as well as her.
HI, All,
I have a friend who is very narcissistic! She continuously talks about herself. If any conversation is going it ALWAYS has to revolve around her, what she does, says, where she goes, her family and she very rarely lets anyone turn the conversation around, so much so that it gets very boring and it is now getting on my nerves. We are due to go on holiday soon and I don’t want to fall out with this lady and ruin the holiday so can anyone PLEASE give me any advice on how to handle this situation. We do clash as friends and this really is not jealousy, I would much rather listen to other people as well as her.
Seems I don’t know any, but I’ll try it when I meet one.
Seems I don’t know any, but I’ll try it when I meet one.
Seems I don’t know any, but I’ll try it when I meet one.
My husband is every bit of a narcissists abuser, he has literally drained me of my energy, he has knock the hell out of me.. I feel so belittle, stomped, beat, and drained.. My self worth I fight each day to regain it back!! Fighting back with him, is so useless, I have stop answering all his phone calls, it gets him home that night when I don’t answer his calls and he has to drive 2 and half hours back to work in the wee hours of the morning.. I will have to leave unannounced and take myself and our son to a shelter for women, to get away from him.. My children from a previous marriages does not like him at all.. My oldest daughter he has so much ugliness about her and my grandchildren.. I have anxiety attacks and I am stress to the moon.. Practically I have rebel against everything he ask out of me.. This has been going on for 14 years!! I can no longer live this way.. It will be the death of me!
Hi Donna, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Please know that we are here for you. Virtual hugs your way!
Danielle | Science of People Team
My husband is every bit of a narcissists abuser, he has literally drained me of my energy, he has knock the hell out of me.. I feel so belittle, stomped, beat, and drained.. My self worth I fight each day to regain it back!! Fighting back with him, is so useless, I have stop answering all his phone calls, it gets him home that night when I don’t answer his calls and he has to drive 2 and half hours back to work in the wee hours of the morning.. I will have to leave unannounced and take myself and our son to a shelter for women, to get away from him.. My children from a previous marriages does not like him at all.. My oldest daughter he has so much ugliness about her and my grandchildren.. I have anxiety attacks and I am stress to the moon.. Practically I have rebel against everything he ask out of me.. This has been going on for 14 years!! I can no longer live this way.. It will be the death of me!
Hi Donna, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Please know that we are here for you. Virtual hugs your way!
Danielle | Science of People Team
My husband is every bit of a narcissists abuser, he has literally drained me of my energy, he has knock the hell out of me.. I feel so belittle, stomped, beat, and drained.. My self worth I fight each day to regain it back!! Fighting back with him, is so useless, I have stop answering all his phone calls, it gets him home that night when I don’t answer his calls and he has to drive 2 and half hours back to work in the wee hours of the morning.. I will have to leave unannounced and take myself and our son to a shelter for women, to get away from him.. My children from a previous marriages does not like him at all.. My oldest daughter he has so much ugliness about her and my grandchildren.. I have anxiety attacks and I am stress to the moon.. Practically I have rebel against everything he ask out of me.. This has been going on for 14 years!! I can no longer live this way.. It will be the death of me!
Hi Donna, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Please know that we are here for you. Virtual hugs your way!
Danielle | Science of People Team
I have had some encounters with narcissism in my life. Currently in my life, none of my close relationships are with a narcissist. I would agree that they likely would resist change.
I have had some encounters with narcissism in my life. Currently in my life, none of my close relationships are with a narcissist. I would agree that they likely would resist change.
I have had some encounters with narcissism in my life. Currently in my life, none of my close relationships are with a narcissist. I would agree that they likely would resist change.
I have a really annoying friend. She is so obsessed with herself, she is a great actress but she can be really very ‘full of herself ‘ I don’t want that. But every time I try to talk to her she always goes on to a strop and really is very unkind.
for example: When I was discussing with my friend (will not be named) I told her that she was a good friend and that out of a lot of people I am greatly happy to be her friend and that I trust her by far. My other friend (the narcissist) ears dropped on my conversation and started to clam shut, she ate her food in silence and ignored everyone until me all asked her what was wrong. Then she had a drama attack and said “So I can’t be trusted than, no one trusts me,” . I got angry because it was a private conversation and even my other, other friend who I had know for 10 years had the courtesy to not listen and interact. The narcissist was so upset and I was angry. She has a tendency of bringing her personal life into this and saying that her life is great and her life also sucks (doesn’t make sense) then she said that I was disrespectful. I when I grow up want to be a psychiatrist and I read things to boost my knowledge, I’ve read only 1 book on the subject and she claims that I am a self less person apparently a condition in psychiatry, she told me that I wasn’t a physiatrist yet and I should stop analysing people when I wasn’t. She drags her personal stuff in the argument to make the people she’s arguing with feel guilty and stop but I know as a fact I am stubborn. she then mentions about my friend that backstabbed me and gossiped, that same week I lost all my friends because of her but she (the narcissist) said her life at school was worst.
we have a band together along with someone else so we practised in the piano room, our pianist went away to let us sort this out and so we talked. She thought that I in the wrong even though she ears dropped on my conversation, blamed me, and now wanted to accuse me of hurting her feelings. She kept talking and didn’t let me answer and only explained from her perspective. She thinks she did nothing wrong! And were still at this argument. what should I do?
I have a really annoying friend. She is so obsessed with herself, she is a great actress but she can be really very ‘full of herself ‘ I don’t want that. But every time I try to talk to her she always goes on to a strop and really is very unkind.
for example: When I was discussing with my friend (will not be named) I told her that she was a good friend and that out of a lot of people I am greatly happy to be her friend and that I trust her by far. My other friend (the narcissist) ears dropped on my conversation and started to clam shut, she ate her food in silence and ignored everyone until me all asked her what was wrong. Then she had a drama attack and said “So I can’t be trusted than, no one trusts me,” . I got angry because it was a private conversation and even my other, other friend who I had know for 10 years had the courtesy to not listen and interact. The narcissist was so upset and I was angry. She has a tendency of bringing her personal life into this and saying that her life is great and her life also sucks (doesn’t make sense) then she said that I was disrespectful. I when I grow up want to be a psychiatrist and I read things to boost my knowledge, I’ve read only 1 book on the subject and she claims that I am a self less person apparently a condition in psychiatry, she told me that I wasn’t a physiatrist yet and I should stop analysing people when I wasn’t. She drags her personal stuff in the argument to make the people she’s arguing with feel guilty and stop but I know as a fact I am stubborn. she then mentions about my friend that backstabbed me and gossiped, that same week I lost all my friends because of her but she (the narcissist) said her life at school was worst.
we have a band together along with someone else so we practised in the piano room, our pianist went away to let us sort this out and so we talked. She thought that I in the wrong even though she ears dropped on my conversation, blamed me, and now wanted to accuse me of hurting her feelings. She kept talking and didn’t let me answer and only explained from her perspective. She thinks she did nothing wrong! And were still at this argument. what should I do?
I have a really annoying friend. She is so obsessed with herself, she is a great actress but she can be really very ‘full of herself ‘ I don’t want that. But every time I try to talk to her she always goes on to a strop and really is very unkind.
for example: When I was discussing with my friend (will not be named) I told her that she was a good friend and that out of a lot of people I am greatly happy to be her friend and that I trust her by far. My other friend (the narcissist) ears dropped on my conversation and started to clam shut, she ate her food in silence and ignored everyone until me all asked her what was wrong. Then she had a drama attack and said “So I can’t be trusted than, no one trusts me,” . I got angry because it was a private conversation and even my other, other friend who I had know for 10 years had the courtesy to not listen and interact. The narcissist was so upset and I was angry. She has a tendency of bringing her personal life into this and saying that her life is great and her life also sucks (doesn’t make sense) then she said that I was disrespectful. I when I grow up want to be a psychiatrist and I read things to boost my knowledge, I’ve read only 1 book on the subject and she claims that I am a self less person apparently a condition in psychiatry, she told me that I wasn’t a physiatrist yet and I should stop analysing people when I wasn’t. She drags her personal stuff in the argument to make the people she’s arguing with feel guilty and stop but I know as a fact I am stubborn. she then mentions about my friend that backstabbed me and gossiped, that same week I lost all my friends because of her but she (the narcissist) said her life at school was worst.
we have a band together along with someone else so we practised in the piano room, our pianist went away to let us sort this out and so we talked. She thought that I in the wrong even though she ears dropped on my conversation, blamed me, and now wanted to accuse me of hurting her feelings. She kept talking and didn’t let me answer and only explained from her perspective. She thinks she did nothing wrong! And were still at this argument. what should I do?
I just got into a relation ship with what I assume now is a narcissist and I feel in love with her but she’s driving me crazy. She won’t shut up and when I try to talk I only get about three words in and she cuts me off. It doesn’t matter what I am doing it drives her crazy to the point she will do about anything to get my attention. I wrote her a twenty three page letter explaining what was going on and how she made me feel. The only reason she was able to read it is because it was about her. I can deal with all of it but the constant talking and attention. I’m going insane. Is there any kind of medicine. If I’m ride then will that change anything. She’s been through relationships that didn’t work and now I’m wondering why so I even thought about turning the tables and being a narcissist myself. Suggestions?? Anyone…
I just got into a relation ship with what I assume now is a narcissist and I feel in love with her but she’s driving me crazy. She won’t shut up and when I try to talk I only get about three words in and she cuts me off. It doesn’t matter what I am doing it drives her crazy to the point she will do about anything to get my attention. I wrote her a twenty three page letter explaining what was going on and how she made me feel. The only reason she was able to read it is because it was about her. I can deal with all of it but the constant talking and attention. I’m going insane. Is there any kind of medicine. If I’m ride then will that change anything. She’s been through relationships that didn’t work and now I’m wondering why so I even thought about turning the tables and being a narcissist myself. Suggestions?? Anyone…
I just got into a relation ship with what I assume now is a narcissist and I feel in love with her but she’s driving me crazy. She won’t shut up and when I try to talk I only get about three words in and she cuts me off. It doesn’t matter what I am doing it drives her crazy to the point she will do about anything to get my attention. I wrote her a twenty three page letter explaining what was going on and how she made me feel. The only reason she was able to read it is because it was about her. I can deal with all of it but the constant talking and attention. I’m going insane. Is there any kind of medicine. If I’m ride then will that change anything. She’s been through relationships that didn’t work and now I’m wondering why so I even thought about turning the tables and being a narcissist myself. Suggestions?? Anyone…
I have come to realize my husband is a NPD too. I like this blog because all the other information out there always describes the narcissists as a person who is hostile. I haven’t seen this yet and it would surprise me because I associate anger as someone who gives a dam! Plus so far everything is going his way so no need for anger yet. He just started to go back into working for himself and he needs me to do all his paperwork and have been doing a lot for his business. I don’t asked to be paid all I ask from him is to go on vacation for a few days. This shouldn’t be such a big deal but when we did go on vacation (our anniversary) he just sat there!!!! He wouldn’t do anything unless I flat out told him lets go here, when and where!! If I did do this we would do nothing! He was no interest in anything that isn’t about him PERIOD!!! I look back and I have realized that we have never had intimacy in any other way than sex! Never shared any hopes and dreams with me! He will hold my hand out of habit but that’s it!! What has really made me stand up and take notice was 2 things:
1st my dog died and her and I spent a lot of time together and sadly I realized she was the only one who cared about me!!
2nd I have health serious concerns and when I mention anything about my health and look over at him all I get is a blank expression…NOTHING…No CONCERN FOR MY WELL BEING…NOTHING!!!!!
Once when I was choking and he was sitting right next to me I was struggling to catch my breath!!! He never showed any concern any emotions!! After a few minutes I started to think about that and then I started to get anger “WHY DID YOU JUST SIT THERE” most people would had felt worried… NOTHING!!! All he said was ” OH I HAD YOUR BACK!” I said how?!! He said had I lost consciousness he would have given me CPR.. He said that with no emotions! Even my choking wasn’t about me it was a his moment for him to prove himself again nothing about my well being!!
But anyways I never though of showing the empathy card I guess because I feel like I am disappearing more and more in this relationship and GIVING YET MORE IS SOOOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!!
I have come to realize my husband is a NPD too. I like this blog because all the other information out there always describes the narcissists as a person who is hostile. I haven’t seen this yet and it would surprise me because I associate anger as someone who gives a dam! Plus so far everything is going his way so no need for anger yet. He just started to go back into working for himself and he needs me to do all his paperwork and have been doing a lot for his business. I don’t asked to be paid all I ask from him is to go on vacation for a few days. This shouldn’t be such a big deal but when we did go on vacation (our anniversary) he just sat there!!!! He wouldn’t do anything unless I flat out told him lets go here, when and where!! If I did do this we would do nothing! He was no interest in anything that isn’t about him PERIOD!!! I look back and I have realized that we have never had intimacy in any other way than sex! Never shared any hopes and dreams with me! He will hold my hand out of habit but that’s it!! What has really made me stand up and take notice was 2 things:
1st my dog died and her and I spent a lot of time together and sadly I realized she was the only one who cared about me!!
2nd I have health serious concerns and when I mention anything about my health and look over at him all I get is a blank expression…NOTHING…No CONCERN FOR MY WELL BEING…NOTHING!!!!!
Once when I was choking and he was sitting right next to me I was struggling to catch my breath!!! He never showed any concern any emotions!! After a few minutes I started to think about that and then I started to get anger “WHY DID YOU JUST SIT THERE” most people would had felt worried… NOTHING!!! All he said was ” OH I HAD YOUR BACK!” I said how?!! He said had I lost consciousness he would have given me CPR.. He said that with no emotions! Even my choking wasn’t about me it was a his moment for him to prove himself again nothing about my well being!!
But anyways I never though of showing the empathy card I guess because I feel like I am disappearing more and more in this relationship and GIVING YET MORE IS SOOOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!!
I have come to realize my husband is a NPD too. I like this blog because all the other information out there always describes the narcissists as a person who is hostile. I haven’t seen this yet and it would surprise me because I associate anger as someone who gives a dam! Plus so far everything is going his way so no need for anger yet. He just started to go back into working for himself and he needs me to do all his paperwork and have been doing a lot for his business. I don’t asked to be paid all I ask from him is to go on vacation for a few days. This shouldn’t be such a big deal but when we did go on vacation (our anniversary) he just sat there!!!! He wouldn’t do anything unless I flat out told him lets go here, when and where!! If I did do this we would do nothing! He was no interest in anything that isn’t about him PERIOD!!! I look back and I have realized that we have never had intimacy in any other way than sex! Never shared any hopes and dreams with me! He will hold my hand out of habit but that’s it!! What has really made me stand up and take notice was 2 things:
1st my dog died and her and I spent a lot of time together and sadly I realized she was the only one who cared about me!!
2nd I have health serious concerns and when I mention anything about my health and look over at him all I get is a blank expression…NOTHING…No CONCERN FOR MY WELL BEING…NOTHING!!!!!
Once when I was choking and he was sitting right next to me I was struggling to catch my breath!!! He never showed any concern any emotions!! After a few minutes I started to think about that and then I started to get anger “WHY DID YOU JUST SIT THERE” most people would had felt worried… NOTHING!!! All he said was ” OH I HAD YOUR BACK!” I said how?!! He said had I lost consciousness he would have given me CPR.. He said that with no emotions! Even my choking wasn’t about me it was a his moment for him to prove himself again nothing about my well being!!
But anyways I never though of showing the empathy card I guess because I feel like I am disappearing more and more in this relationship and GIVING YET MORE IS SOOOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!!
Its so sad to think the majority of women put up with so much bad behaviour . I have been with my partner for just under three years. He moved in earlier this year, i had my reservations about how conflict was resolved. Which i voiced to him. The worst thing i do in our relationship is a couple of days quiet when im annoyed (yes i know i should do something about it) but does that excuse the being screamed and shouted at the finger pointing in my face. The total lack of empathy, he will not even acknowledge how i feel about anything, i just get told that i am diverting the conversation away from me (as at the time he is having a major go at me). Its all about how he feels, my feelings do not matter. At the moment we are in the all i am getting is sarcastic comments, i can tell he is angry, but what do i say, i am told what i say is bull@hit and what i say is wrong. I can tell he is waiting for me to say something but what can i say.
Two nights ago he moved into my spare room, i still do polite i ask him if he wants dinner i just get a no or “dont put yourself out”. Its his birthday Thursday i have arranged for us and his four other friends to go to dinner, i have ordered a jacket that i know he will like. At the moment i am just trying to keep busy he doesn’t come home till late then sits in my spare room. Like i am the devil, like i have wronged him so badly. The worst thing is waiting for him to come home, my stomach churns to the point i am almost shaking because i know inevitably i am going to get my head chewed off spat out and trodden on. Because thats how its always been.
Do yourself a favor – leave the relationship quickly.
Set a realistic time line to physically separate *not under the same roof – and within 2 weeks*
Work out all money matters with your partner – but the second the next tantrum comes – walk away and have either a trusted friend or paid attorney contact them for resolutions with real property, liquid cash/any investments.
Do not look backward – it sounds like the bad definitely outweighs the good and unfortunately each day you waste – is nothing but doing yourself – and your very short life here among us a serious disservice. Think about it – I have had so many friends die lately never having been or known themselves and what it’s like to be “good” with you and healthy in your own head. Just don’t look in the rear view – take whatever good or lessons learned and move swiftly and deliberately forward with YOUR life. Your partner today – they aren’t your partner. You owe it to yourself to get yourself healthy and it starts with eliminating toxic people. Sorry to say it but you should probably think about adopting the mentality of “forward thinking for me” only! Best of luck to you.. 🙂
Its so sad to think the majority of women put up with so much bad behaviour . I have been with my partner for just under three years. He moved in earlier this year, i had my reservations about how conflict was resolved. Which i voiced to him. The worst thing i do in our relationship is a couple of days quiet when im annoyed (yes i know i should do something about it) but does that excuse the being screamed and shouted at the finger pointing in my face. The total lack of empathy, he will not even acknowledge how i feel about anything, i just get told that i am diverting the conversation away from me (as at the time he is having a major go at me). Its all about how he feels, my feelings do not matter. At the moment we are in the all i am getting is sarcastic comments, i can tell he is angry, but what do i say, i am told what i say is bull@hit and what i say is wrong. I can tell he is waiting for me to say something but what can i say.
Two nights ago he moved into my spare room, i still do polite i ask him if he wants dinner i just get a no or “dont put yourself out”. Its his birthday Thursday i have arranged for us and his four other friends to go to dinner, i have ordered a jacket that i know he will like. At the moment i am just trying to keep busy he doesn’t come home till late then sits in my spare room. Like i am the devil, like i have wronged him so badly. The worst thing is waiting for him to come home, my stomach churns to the point i am almost shaking because i know inevitably i am going to get my head chewed off spat out and trodden on. Because thats how its always been.
Do yourself a favor – leave the relationship quickly.
Set a realistic time line to physically separate *not under the same roof – and within 2 weeks*
Work out all money matters with your partner – but the second the next tantrum comes – walk away and have either a trusted friend or paid attorney contact them for resolutions with real property, liquid cash/any investments.
Do not look backward – it sounds like the bad definitely outweighs the good and unfortunately each day you waste – is nothing but doing yourself – and your very short life here among us a serious disservice. Think about it – I have had so many friends die lately never having been or known themselves and what it’s like to be “good” with you and healthy in your own head. Just don’t look in the rear view – take whatever good or lessons learned and move swiftly and deliberately forward with YOUR life. Your partner today – they aren’t your partner. You owe it to yourself to get yourself healthy and it starts with eliminating toxic people. Sorry to say it but you should probably think about adopting the mentality of “forward thinking for me” only! Best of luck to you.. 🙂
Its so sad to think the majority of women put up with so much bad behaviour . I have been with my partner for just under three years. He moved in earlier this year, i had my reservations about how conflict was resolved. Which i voiced to him. The worst thing i do in our relationship is a couple of days quiet when im annoyed (yes i know i should do something about it) but does that excuse the being screamed and shouted at the finger pointing in my face. The total lack of empathy, he will not even acknowledge how i feel about anything, i just get told that i am diverting the conversation away from me (as at the time he is having a major go at me). Its all about how he feels, my feelings do not matter. At the moment we are in the all i am getting is sarcastic comments, i can tell he is angry, but what do i say, i am told what i say is bull@hit and what i say is wrong. I can tell he is waiting for me to say something but what can i say.
Two nights ago he moved into my spare room, i still do polite i ask him if he wants dinner i just get a no or “dont put yourself out”. Its his birthday Thursday i have arranged for us and his four other friends to go to dinner, i have ordered a jacket that i know he will like. At the moment i am just trying to keep busy he doesn’t come home till late then sits in my spare room. Like i am the devil, like i have wronged him so badly. The worst thing is waiting for him to come home, my stomach churns to the point i am almost shaking because i know inevitably i am going to get my head chewed off spat out and trodden on. Because thats how its always been.
Do yourself a favor – leave the relationship quickly.
Set a realistic time line to physically separate *not under the same roof – and within 2 weeks*
Work out all money matters with your partner – but the second the next tantrum comes – walk away and have either a trusted friend or paid attorney contact them for resolutions with real property, liquid cash/any investments.
Do not look backward – it sounds like the bad definitely outweighs the good and unfortunately each day you waste – is nothing but doing yourself – and your very short life here among us a serious disservice. Think about it – I have had so many friends die lately never having been or known themselves and what it’s like to be “good” with you and healthy in your own head. Just don’t look in the rear view – take whatever good or lessons learned and move swiftly and deliberately forward with YOUR life. Your partner today – they aren’t your partner. You owe it to yourself to get yourself healthy and it starts with eliminating toxic people. Sorry to say it but you should probably think about adopting the mentality of “forward thinking for me” only! Best of luck to you.. 🙂
I lived with a narcissist for three years ..first few months were like heaven ,he was charming ,loving and made me feel so special…virtually overnight he changed -became moody said I was suffocating him and that he needed space ,started going out at nights ,using computer and hiding his phone ,lies and cheating even with family members in cahoots etc ..made me feel like nothing I can describe ,he used exs to sleep with and then turned back on the charm with me -ashamed to say I was one of those sad people who thought I could make a.difference if I stood by him ..I always looked back to the initial stage of our ‘love’..only after two suicide attempts did I finally read about narcissism and then it hit home ..I was one of his harem !!..I left but still answered the intermittent calls and text for a further two years before I finally realised if I wanted some sort of life I had to just let him go …still think of him even now and still scared for the people he is yet to meet …that’s my experience of surviving a relationship with a narcissist. ..please just go ..now ..you can’t help him but you can save yourself x
I lived with a narcissist for three years ..first few months were like heaven ,he was charming ,loving and made me feel so special…virtually overnight he changed -became moody said I was suffocating him and that he needed space ,started going out at nights ,using computer and hiding his phone ,lies and cheating even with family members in cahoots etc ..made me feel like nothing I can describe ,he used exs to sleep with and then turned back on the charm with me -ashamed to say I was one of those sad people who thought I could make a.difference if I stood by him ..I always looked back to the initial stage of our ‘love’..only after two suicide attempts did I finally read about narcissism and then it hit home ..I was one of his harem !!..I left but still answered the intermittent calls and text for a further two years before I finally realised if I wanted some sort of life I had to just let him go …still think of him even now and still scared for the people he is yet to meet …that’s my experience of surviving a relationship with a narcissist. ..please just go ..now ..you can’t help him but you can save yourself x
I lived with a narcissist for three years ..first few months were like heaven ,he was charming ,loving and made me feel so special…virtually overnight he changed -became moody said I was suffocating him and that he needed space ,started going out at nights ,using computer and hiding his phone ,lies and cheating even with family members in cahoots etc ..made me feel like nothing I can describe ,he used exs to sleep with and then turned back on the charm with me -ashamed to say I was one of those sad people who thought I could make a.difference if I stood by him ..I always looked back to the initial stage of our ‘love’..only after two suicide attempts did I finally read about narcissism and then it hit home ..I was one of his harem !!..I left but still answered the intermittent calls and text for a further two years before I finally realised if I wanted some sort of life I had to just let him go …still think of him even now and still scared for the people he is yet to meet …that’s my experience of surviving a relationship with a narcissist. ..please just go ..now ..you can’t help him but you can save yourself x
After being single for almost a decade (just wanted to raise my children without chaos) I fell in love with what I now unfortunately know to be a narcissist. He was amazing at first, the most charming man I had ever met in my entire life! He said I was The one! Talked about getting a house together, possibly adding another child to the mix, and spending eternity together. Then it was like a light switch flipped, he went from Jeckyl to Hyde in the blink of an eye. Luckily for me I had some experiences with people in my life who had chemical imbalances or other personality disorders so I was on to him right away but just thought he was bi polar which is hard to handle but I’ve done it before and I loved this man and was in it for the long haul so I tried. Over the next few months my life was a roller coaster, the downs were terrible, so terrible I ended up on an anti depressant for the first time in my life. The ups were so minuscule but I would take just about any bone he would throw me, it was enough to keep me hanging on. I was so depressed, confused, and thought something was wrong with me. One of the things he sweet talked me with in the beginning was what a great listener he was and how important it is to have communication and that if I ever needed to talk about anything he was there for me. However everytime I wanted to talk, he would ignore me, had I dare tried again he would get irate or break up with me, it was so devastating. We were together for about a year, I never met one friend or family member of his, never saw him on a weekend, blew me off every holiday, and he lived 3 streets away! If I saw him under his conditions, he was extremely sweet and spoke to me so politely. Everything was under his control, if I so much as touched him the wrong way he would grab my wrists or snack my hand away. He was so sweet but so cruel at the same time, this had me so confused. No one understood why I didn’t confront him, I didn’t either, i would have such angry conversations with him in my head but when id see him he was so sweet so I was afraid to bring things up and always felt like I walked on eggshells with him. He let me hang onto him for months with just text messages, finally I just couldn’t do it anymore, we never actually broke up, I thought he’d realize my worth after being apart and realize no other woman would tolerate him like I did but he moved on immediately and within 5 months bought a house with someone, I should have known, he was eyeing me up while he was with his last girlfriend still, he bounces from one relationship to another in a heartbeat. At first I was so hurt but realized this new woman is in for the ride of her life, he needs her for personal reasons that I’m not going to get into but I’m assuming that’s why he rushed her into a house, he had to hurry before she saw him with his mask off!!! I normally laugh and smile all the time, the past 2 years of my life I have not laughed or smiled much, have been so depressed and can almost see a black cloud every time I pass him on the road etc. this man was like venom to me, yet I didn’t want to let him go. After reading a ton on victims of narcissistic abuse, I’ve realized everything I felt was common and now everything makes perfect sense to me. This has been my rode to recovery! There are several key points highlited over and over in all the research I’ve done (and I’ve done a lot!). 1. There is absolutely nothing you or anyone can do for these people ever, so RUN, run like your hairs on fire! 2. No Contact is the ONLY way to start the healing process 3. It is NOT you! 4. They worship and charm you then they Devalue, destroy and discard and have zero remorse. Surround yourself with good quality friends and family and get these Toxic people out of your life for Good!
After being single for almost a decade (just wanted to raise my children without chaos) I fell in love with what I now unfortunately know to be a narcissist. He was amazing at first, the most charming man I had ever met in my entire life! He said I was The one! Talked about getting a house together, possibly adding another child to the mix, and spending eternity together. Then it was like a light switch flipped, he went from Jeckyl to Hyde in the blink of an eye. Luckily for me I had some experiences with people in my life who had chemical imbalances or other personality disorders so I was on to him right away but just thought he was bi polar which is hard to handle but I’ve done it before and I loved this man and was in it for the long haul so I tried. Over the next few months my life was a roller coaster, the downs were terrible, so terrible I ended up on an anti depressant for the first time in my life. The ups were so minuscule but I would take just about any bone he would throw me, it was enough to keep me hanging on. I was so depressed, confused, and thought something was wrong with me. One of the things he sweet talked me with in the beginning was what a great listener he was and how important it is to have communication and that if I ever needed to talk about anything he was there for me. However everytime I wanted to talk, he would ignore me, had I dare tried again he would get irate or break up with me, it was so devastating. We were together for about a year, I never met one friend or family member of his, never saw him on a weekend, blew me off every holiday, and he lived 3 streets away! If I saw him under his conditions, he was extremely sweet and spoke to me so politely. Everything was under his control, if I so much as touched him the wrong way he would grab my wrists or snack my hand away. He was so sweet but so cruel at the same time, this had me so confused. No one understood why I didn’t confront him, I didn’t either, i would have such angry conversations with him in my head but when id see him he was so sweet so I was afraid to bring things up and always felt like I walked on eggshells with him. He let me hang onto him for months with just text messages, finally I just couldn’t do it anymore, we never actually broke up, I thought he’d realize my worth after being apart and realize no other woman would tolerate him like I did but he moved on immediately and within 5 months bought a house with someone, I should have known, he was eyeing me up while he was with his last girlfriend still, he bounces from one relationship to another in a heartbeat. At first I was so hurt but realized this new woman is in for the ride of her life, he needs her for personal reasons that I’m not going to get into but I’m assuming that’s why he rushed her into a house, he had to hurry before she saw him with his mask off!!! I normally laugh and smile all the time, the past 2 years of my life I have not laughed or smiled much, have been so depressed and can almost see a black cloud every time I pass him on the road etc. this man was like venom to me, yet I didn’t want to let him go. After reading a ton on victims of narcissistic abuse, I’ve realized everything I felt was common and now everything makes perfect sense to me. This has been my rode to recovery! There are several key points highlited over and over in all the research I’ve done (and I’ve done a lot!). 1. There is absolutely nothing you or anyone can do for these people ever, so RUN, run like your hairs on fire! 2. No Contact is the ONLY way to start the healing process 3. It is NOT you! 4. They worship and charm you then they Devalue, destroy and discard and have zero remorse. Surround yourself with good quality friends and family and get these Toxic people out of your life for Good!
After being single for almost a decade (just wanted to raise my children without chaos) I fell in love with what I now unfortunately know to be a narcissist. He was amazing at first, the most charming man I had ever met in my entire life! He said I was The one! Talked about getting a house together, possibly adding another child to the mix, and spending eternity together. Then it was like a light switch flipped, he went from Jeckyl to Hyde in the blink of an eye. Luckily for me I had some experiences with people in my life who had chemical imbalances or other personality disorders so I was on to him right away but just thought he was bi polar which is hard to handle but I’ve done it before and I loved this man and was in it for the long haul so I tried. Over the next few months my life was a roller coaster, the downs were terrible, so terrible I ended up on an anti depressant for the first time in my life. The ups were so minuscule but I would take just about any bone he would throw me, it was enough to keep me hanging on. I was so depressed, confused, and thought something was wrong with me. One of the things he sweet talked me with in the beginning was what a great listener he was and how important it is to have communication and that if I ever needed to talk about anything he was there for me. However everytime I wanted to talk, he would ignore me, had I dare tried again he would get irate or break up with me, it was so devastating. We were together for about a year, I never met one friend or family member of his, never saw him on a weekend, blew me off every holiday, and he lived 3 streets away! If I saw him under his conditions, he was extremely sweet and spoke to me so politely. Everything was under his control, if I so much as touched him the wrong way he would grab my wrists or snack my hand away. He was so sweet but so cruel at the same time, this had me so confused. No one understood why I didn’t confront him, I didn’t either, i would have such angry conversations with him in my head but when id see him he was so sweet so I was afraid to bring things up and always felt like I walked on eggshells with him. He let me hang onto him for months with just text messages, finally I just couldn’t do it anymore, we never actually broke up, I thought he’d realize my worth after being apart and realize no other woman would tolerate him like I did but he moved on immediately and within 5 months bought a house with someone, I should have known, he was eyeing me up while he was with his last girlfriend still, he bounces from one relationship to another in a heartbeat. At first I was so hurt but realized this new woman is in for the ride of her life, he needs her for personal reasons that I’m not going to get into but I’m assuming that’s why he rushed her into a house, he had to hurry before she saw him with his mask off!!! I normally laugh and smile all the time, the past 2 years of my life I have not laughed or smiled much, have been so depressed and can almost see a black cloud every time I pass him on the road etc. this man was like venom to me, yet I didn’t want to let him go. After reading a ton on victims of narcissistic abuse, I’ve realized everything I felt was common and now everything makes perfect sense to me. This has been my rode to recovery! There are several key points highlited over and over in all the research I’ve done (and I’ve done a lot!). 1. There is absolutely nothing you or anyone can do for these people ever, so RUN, run like your hairs on fire! 2. No Contact is the ONLY way to start the healing process 3. It is NOT you! 4. They worship and charm you then they Devalue, destroy and discard and have zero remorse. Surround yourself with good quality friends and family and get these Toxic people out of your life for Good!
How would you like it if you won an award, your name is announced, and someone loudly proclaims “That’s my student! I taught her everything she knows!” and even escorts you to receive your award….when NO ONE ELSE in these competitions ever has that happen. Suppose this happens not once but a number of times, and when you ask him not to do that anymore, you are met with sulking and later, arguments because after all, he was just proud of you, he was just having fun? Never mind that he wins his own awards in these competitions, Never mind that you are so thrilled when your name is called and this is YOUR personal honor that you’ve earned, your time to enjoy. Those things don’t matter to a narcissist. He has also done this to friends and acquaintances as well. And this situation is just a drop in the bucket compared to the times I have endured with a man who insists on being the center of attention in the least little situations…..eating at a restaurant, shopping at a supermarket, sightseeing on vacation, visiting with relatives….you name it. It’s exhausting, embarrassing, annoying, and it sucks the life out of you. It will never, ever be about you, it will always be about him and his feelings. And if you’re not careful, you will wake up one day and realize that a large piece of you is gone and you will struggle to try and get it back. If you’re young and you find yourself with one of these people, RUN. They disguise themselves very well at first. If you don’t know them well, you will find them engaging, charming and a laugh a minute. Spend enough time in a relationship with one and you will realize what you’re dealing with…..insecurity personified. Again…..RUN. It’s not worth it.
How would you like it if you won an award, your name is announced, and someone loudly proclaims “That’s my student! I taught her everything she knows!” and even escorts you to receive your award….when NO ONE ELSE in these competitions ever has that happen. Suppose this happens not once but a number of times, and when you ask him not to do that anymore, you are met with sulking and later, arguments because after all, he was just proud of you, he was just having fun? Never mind that he wins his own awards in these competitions, Never mind that you are so thrilled when your name is called and this is YOUR personal honor that you’ve earned, your time to enjoy. Those things don’t matter to a narcissist. He has also done this to friends and acquaintances as well. And this situation is just a drop in the bucket compared to the times I have endured with a man who insists on being the center of attention in the least little situations…..eating at a restaurant, shopping at a supermarket, sightseeing on vacation, visiting with relatives….you name it. It’s exhausting, embarrassing, annoying, and it sucks the life out of you. It will never, ever be about you, it will always be about him and his feelings. And if you’re not careful, you will wake up one day and realize that a large piece of you is gone and you will struggle to try and get it back. If you’re young and you find yourself with one of these people, RUN. They disguise themselves very well at first. If you don’t know them well, you will find them engaging, charming and a laugh a minute. Spend enough time in a relationship with one and you will realize what you’re dealing with…..insecurity personified. Again…..RUN. It’s not worth it.
How would you like it if you won an award, your name is announced, and someone loudly proclaims “That’s my student! I taught her everything she knows!” and even escorts you to receive your award….when NO ONE ELSE in these competitions ever has that happen. Suppose this happens not once but a number of times, and when you ask him not to do that anymore, you are met with sulking and later, arguments because after all, he was just proud of you, he was just having fun? Never mind that he wins his own awards in these competitions, Never mind that you are so thrilled when your name is called and this is YOUR personal honor that you’ve earned, your time to enjoy. Those things don’t matter to a narcissist. He has also done this to friends and acquaintances as well. And this situation is just a drop in the bucket compared to the times I have endured with a man who insists on being the center of attention in the least little situations…..eating at a restaurant, shopping at a supermarket, sightseeing on vacation, visiting with relatives….you name it. It’s exhausting, embarrassing, annoying, and it sucks the life out of you. It will never, ever be about you, it will always be about him and his feelings. And if you’re not careful, you will wake up one day and realize that a large piece of you is gone and you will struggle to try and get it back. If you’re young and you find yourself with one of these people, RUN. They disguise themselves very well at first. If you don’t know them well, you will find them engaging, charming and a laugh a minute. Spend enough time in a relationship with one and you will realize what you’re dealing with…..insecurity personified. Again…..RUN. It’s not worth it.
I have been involved with a guy in Canada who has for the past eight years put me on a roller coaster ride. I am thee only person who is supportive towards him, his always the victim, no matter how hard one tries to come up with solutions for his endless issues he enjoys been the victim, its always everyone else who is to blame. He lack empathy with me, he is not at all supportive, it goes about him. He disappears often and then returns with lies, saying he was in jail for assault which one finds out is not true, or he was in hospital and had a stroke, we live in different towns, thankfully, he is very abusive with his mouth at times, he is always right and everyone else is always wrong, his two faced, he is different in public to what he is in private, he is a liar, he cheats, but accusses me of affairs something I am not doing, if you down or ill he laughs at you but when he is ill he demands great care and support. These type of people do not understand unconditonal love, they understand a love as long as they can use you, if they cannot use you you do not hear from them until the next time when they need help, they toxic people and evil, they will not change as much as one believes they will, the person who is the most supportive towards him that been myself is the most abused and neglected, time to move one and forget this waste of a skin truth…………….
I have been involved with a guy in Canada who has for the past eight years put me on a roller coaster ride. I am thee only person who is supportive towards him, his always the victim, no matter how hard one tries to come up with solutions for his endless issues he enjoys been the victim, its always everyone else who is to blame. He lack empathy with me, he is not at all supportive, it goes about him. He disappears often and then returns with lies, saying he was in jail for assault which one finds out is not true, or he was in hospital and had a stroke, we live in different towns, thankfully, he is very abusive with his mouth at times, he is always right and everyone else is always wrong, his two faced, he is different in public to what he is in private, he is a liar, he cheats, but accusses me of affairs something I am not doing, if you down or ill he laughs at you but when he is ill he demands great care and support. These type of people do not understand unconditonal love, they understand a love as long as they can use you, if they cannot use you you do not hear from them until the next time when they need help, they toxic people and evil, they will not change as much as one believes they will, the person who is the most supportive towards him that been myself is the most abused and neglected, time to move one and forget this waste of a skin truth…………….
I have been involved with a guy in Canada who has for the past eight years put me on a roller coaster ride. I am thee only person who is supportive towards him, his always the victim, no matter how hard one tries to come up with solutions for his endless issues he enjoys been the victim, its always everyone else who is to blame. He lack empathy with me, he is not at all supportive, it goes about him. He disappears often and then returns with lies, saying he was in jail for assault which one finds out is not true, or he was in hospital and had a stroke, we live in different towns, thankfully, he is very abusive with his mouth at times, he is always right and everyone else is always wrong, his two faced, he is different in public to what he is in private, he is a liar, he cheats, but accusses me of affairs something I am not doing, if you down or ill he laughs at you but when he is ill he demands great care and support. These type of people do not understand unconditonal love, they understand a love as long as they can use you, if they cannot use you you do not hear from them until the next time when they need help, they toxic people and evil, they will not change as much as one believes they will, the person who is the most supportive towards him that been myself is the most abused and neglected, time to move one and forget this waste of a skin truth…………….
Its is my opinion that people who have a giving, kind nature and who show great concern towards others attract these type of people, they do not know unconditional love they know a love that means using one, when their needs are not met are they are done using you that is when you get ignored until possibly the next time……………… when people show you who they are the first time, believe them, do not try to repaint them
Its is my opinion that people who have a giving, kind nature and who show great concern towards others attract these type of people, they do not know unconditional love they know a love that means using one, when their needs are not met are they are done using you that is when you get ignored until possibly the next time……………… when people show you who they are the first time, believe them, do not try to repaint them
Its is my opinion that people who have a giving, kind nature and who show great concern towards others attract these type of people, they do not know unconditional love they know a love that means using one, when their needs are not met are they are done using you that is when you get ignored until possibly the next time……………… when people show you who they are the first time, believe them, do not try to repaint them
apologies should have read “Or they are done using you”
apologies should have read “Or they are done using you”
apologies should have read “Or they are done using you”
I had a friend, and the more I was around him the more I found out he was narcissistic. At first I just thought he was windy. I had a small business deal with him for a couple of years. Finally I distant myself from him. But it did not take much for him to get mad. He would also exaggerate everything. He’s in his 60’s and was a successful person. Come to find out, when he was about 6 years old his father left him and his 2 sisters. Finally his mother could not take care of them, so she put them in an orphanage. His 2 sisters got adopted while he spent another 2 years in the orphanage without any visits from his sisters. He finally got taken out by a farm couple. But I think what happened to him when he was young is what caused him to become narcissistic and the need for constant attention.
I had a friend, and the more I was around him the more I found out he was narcissistic. At first I just thought he was windy. I had a small business deal with him for a couple of years. Finally I distant myself from him. But it did not take much for him to get mad. He would also exaggerate everything. He’s in his 60’s and was a successful person. Come to find out, when he was about 6 years old his father left him and his 2 sisters. Finally his mother could not take care of them, so she put them in an orphanage. His 2 sisters got adopted while he spent another 2 years in the orphanage without any visits from his sisters. He finally got taken out by a farm couple. But I think what happened to him when he was young is what caused him to become narcissistic and the need for constant attention.
I had a friend, and the more I was around him the more I found out he was narcissistic. At first I just thought he was windy. I had a small business deal with him for a couple of years. Finally I distant myself from him. But it did not take much for him to get mad. He would also exaggerate everything. He’s in his 60’s and was a successful person. Come to find out, when he was about 6 years old his father left him and his 2 sisters. Finally his mother could not take care of them, so she put them in an orphanage. His 2 sisters got adopted while he spent another 2 years in the orphanage without any visits from his sisters. He finally got taken out by a farm couple. But I think what happened to him when he was young is what caused him to become narcissistic and the need for constant attention.
I haven’t heard about Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) before, thanks for helping me widen my horizons 🙂
I haven’t heard about Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) before, thanks for helping me widen my horizons 🙂
I haven’t heard about Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) before, thanks for helping me widen my horizons 🙂
I have just had the courage to tell mine to leave me alone today. Over the years when she phones she picks terrible times and because she has time to sit on the phone for an hour automatically thinks you can also. Conversations usually about her boyfriend, and his cancer and OxyContin addiction. I survived cancer 4 years ago myself after a brutal treatment regime, which she knows about, and she has no idea that I may not want to discuss the topic so much because she is incapable of putting herself in someone’s place to see how they might feel. She had no interest in how I was and as a matter a fact I told her things numerous times but the next times, (only because she’s asked). I spoke with her she had forgotten what I said and only remembered where she was up to with news of her own life. She used to phone twice a week but I told her it was too often and so she put me on ice for 6 months to teach me a lesson. Started calling again a couple of weeks ago, same old thing. Then, trying to be kind to her, and thinking if I invited her over we could have a laugh and different conversation for a change. She cancelled on me 3 times and on the 3rd time tried to reschedule for a forth. When I told her it was fine if she cancelled again but I couldn’t make another time for a visit for a while, she bombarded me with phone calls and texts telling me why she can’t drive and wanted to phone me to tell me the “the long story”. I immediately said no. Don’t make the plans in the first place! I had bought food for her visit which is now sitting in my fridge going rotten. Her only interest in me is getting me on the phone when she’s bored or lonely. She HATES texting and I found the reason is because she can’t engage me. Most my texts are making quick plans or a quick hello. I think of the countless hours this woman has sapped out of me to gain sympathy, cure her Bordem and vent and it truely makes me ill. If you have anyone like this in your life, get rid of them. Completely toxic and selfish and before you know it, you are left feeling like I am. That I was mean and abusive for being assertive. They thrive on the way they make you feel.
I have just had the courage to tell mine to leave me alone today. Over the years when she phones she picks terrible times and because she has time to sit on the phone for an hour automatically thinks you can also. Conversations usually about her boyfriend, and his cancer and OxyContin addiction. I survived cancer 4 years ago myself after a brutal treatment regime, which she knows about, and she has no idea that I may not want to discuss the topic so much because she is incapable of putting herself in someone’s place to see how they might feel. She had no interest in how I was and as a matter a fact I told her things numerous times but the next times, (only because she’s asked). I spoke with her she had forgotten what I said and only remembered where she was up to with news of her own life. She used to phone twice a week but I told her it was too often and so she put me on ice for 6 months to teach me a lesson. Started calling again a couple of weeks ago, same old thing. Then, trying to be kind to her, and thinking if I invited her over we could have a laugh and different conversation for a change. She cancelled on me 3 times and on the 3rd time tried to reschedule for a forth. When I told her it was fine if she cancelled again but I couldn’t make another time for a visit for a while, she bombarded me with phone calls and texts telling me why she can’t drive and wanted to phone me to tell me the “the long story”. I immediately said no. Don’t make the plans in the first place! I had bought food for her visit which is now sitting in my fridge going rotten. Her only interest in me is getting me on the phone when she’s bored or lonely. She HATES texting and I found the reason is because she can’t engage me. Most my texts are making quick plans or a quick hello. I think of the countless hours this woman has sapped out of me to gain sympathy, cure her Bordem and vent and it truely makes me ill. If you have anyone like this in your life, get rid of them. Completely toxic and selfish and before you know it, you are left feeling like I am. That I was mean and abusive for being assertive. They thrive on the way they make you feel.
I have just had the courage to tell mine to leave me alone today. Over the years when she phones she picks terrible times and because she has time to sit on the phone for an hour automatically thinks you can also. Conversations usually about her boyfriend, and his cancer and OxyContin addiction. I survived cancer 4 years ago myself after a brutal treatment regime, which she knows about, and she has no idea that I may not want to discuss the topic so much because she is incapable of putting herself in someone’s place to see how they might feel. She had no interest in how I was and as a matter a fact I told her things numerous times but the next times, (only because she’s asked). I spoke with her she had forgotten what I said and only remembered where she was up to with news of her own life. She used to phone twice a week but I told her it was too often and so she put me on ice for 6 months to teach me a lesson. Started calling again a couple of weeks ago, same old thing. Then, trying to be kind to her, and thinking if I invited her over we could have a laugh and different conversation for a change. She cancelled on me 3 times and on the 3rd time tried to reschedule for a forth. When I told her it was fine if she cancelled again but I couldn’t make another time for a visit for a while, she bombarded me with phone calls and texts telling me why she can’t drive and wanted to phone me to tell me the “the long story”. I immediately said no. Don’t make the plans in the first place! I had bought food for her visit which is now sitting in my fridge going rotten. Her only interest in me is getting me on the phone when she’s bored or lonely. She HATES texting and I found the reason is because she can’t engage me. Most my texts are making quick plans or a quick hello. I think of the countless hours this woman has sapped out of me to gain sympathy, cure her Bordem and vent and it truely makes me ill. If you have anyone like this in your life, get rid of them. Completely toxic and selfish and before you know it, you are left feeling like I am. That I was mean and abusive for being assertive. They thrive on the way they make you feel.
I have just realised my neighbour of thirty years is a narc. Over the years I have let her get away with slights and lies , one of which was directed at my grandsons appearance. It is done in such a way that you think you must have imagined it. Some of the fanciful lies I have been told defame her husband who has no idea she has told me that. One of the lies involved me signing paperwork in regards to said lie by ommission. I asked her “if I would lose my house over it” as a joke. I later on, five years, found she had bought an investment property a couple of streets over!. I only signed the paper!. She had gastruc banding and because of the dramatic weight loss I couldnt not comment. She then told me she went to dietician and went on a diet. The thing is I already knew about it and didnt pull her up on it because she is very vain and only dud it because her two daughters had lost a lot of weight also due to gastric banding for which was her fault they had to have the operation in the first place…they were competition as far as she was concerned so overfed them.. she is overtly ckass consuious and every friend that lasts 2 years are better off financially than her with all the bling. There is always some bust up whereby you never know the full story but it is because she oversteps the boundarys with them. She then tells me she is “dissappointed” in them. While she is being best friends with these women she keeps a low prifile with me and it took me a while to notice the pattern. I think they are cheating on Centerlink but you could never prove it due to the nature of the living arrangement, but it is all to do with keeping up appearances rather than admit your in trouble financially in your 60s and downgrade to a less expensive home, she would rather risk ending up in goal instead. She lied to my face that her husband had a sexual encounter with someelse as a backstory to backup the fact her husband is getting old age pension…but she works. The piece de resistence for me was the fact that I heard a heated argument one night next door between their daughters boyfriend abusing her husband. I told my daughter I had heard this blowup in confidence. Without going into more sordid details it got back to my neighbour that we heard the argument . Well it was a screaming match actually and the language durected at the hysband was out of order because the man is not a well man. It didnt go down ti well that she knew I heard it all. She and the daughter thought I was being a nosy neighbour but unfirtunately I have hearing. It was a bit wkward after that but it caused a bit of a soyr tadte in my mouth because fir years I have been lied and my intelligence insulted like im a freaking idiot and I hear one bloody feral argument and Im out if line???. Well there son was getting married and we have always socialised together for 30 years almost ,plus we got invite to engagement so thought due to ettiquette we would get invite to Wedding. I didnt think much about it and then my husband announced a few weeks ago all of a sudden out of the blue that he was going to their sons bucks with her husband and another friends husband. My husband looked at me and asked when the wedding was. I said baffled that I didnt know I dont have an invite. Well my husband goes ti the bucks and this other husband would definately have been invited as would everyone at the bucks night. My husband wouldnt enbarrass my neighbours husband like that so didnt say anything. The thing was my neighbours husband didnt bloody know we werent invited!!!. He just assumed we were . Im livid. How rude of my neighbour to do that to my husband. Im furious actually with her. She put my husband in a shithouse situation and I reckon she did it on purpose. I know her husband didnt know. That is what is burning me that deception..the non wedding invite im not even worried about. The whole reason she did that is because we know too much because we live right next door to them and if we did indeed go we could show her up by inadvertently dropping a few bombshells innocently. We have been drilled before by their friends who dont know if what they have been told is the truth. Thirty years and we are just discarded like nothing. AND shes disappointed!
I have just realised my neighbour of thirty years is a narc. Over the years I have let her get away with slights and lies , one of which was directed at my grandsons appearance. It is done in such a way that you think you must have imagined it. Some of the fanciful lies I have been told defame her husband who has no idea she has told me that. One of the lies involved me signing paperwork in regards to said lie by ommission. I asked her “if I would lose my house over it” as a joke. I later on, five years, found she had bought an investment property a couple of streets over!. I only signed the paper!. She had gastruc banding and because of the dramatic weight loss I couldnt not comment. She then told me she went to dietician and went on a diet. The thing is I already knew about it and didnt pull her up on it because she is very vain and only dud it because her two daughters had lost a lot of weight also due to gastric banding for which was her fault they had to have the operation in the first place…they were competition as far as she was concerned so overfed them.. she is overtly ckass consuious and every friend that lasts 2 years are better off financially than her with all the bling. There is always some bust up whereby you never know the full story but it is because she oversteps the boundarys with them. She then tells me she is “dissappointed” in them. While she is being best friends with these women she keeps a low prifile with me and it took me a while to notice the pattern. I think they are cheating on Centerlink but you could never prove it due to the nature of the living arrangement, but it is all to do with keeping up appearances rather than admit your in trouble financially in your 60s and downgrade to a less expensive home, she would rather risk ending up in goal instead. She lied to my face that her husband had a sexual encounter with someelse as a backstory to backup the fact her husband is getting old age pension…but she works. The piece de resistence for me was the fact that I heard a heated argument one night next door between their daughters boyfriend abusing her husband. I told my daughter I had heard this blowup in confidence. Without going into more sordid details it got back to my neighbour that we heard the argument . Well it was a screaming match actually and the language durected at the hysband was out of order because the man is not a well man. It didnt go down ti well that she knew I heard it all. She and the daughter thought I was being a nosy neighbour but unfirtunately I have hearing. It was a bit wkward after that but it caused a bit of a soyr tadte in my mouth because fir years I have been lied and my intelligence insulted like im a freaking idiot and I hear one bloody feral argument and Im out if line???. Well there son was getting married and we have always socialised together for 30 years almost ,plus we got invite to engagement so thought due to ettiquette we would get invite to Wedding. I didnt think much about it and then my husband announced a few weeks ago all of a sudden out of the blue that he was going to their sons bucks with her husband and another friends husband. My husband looked at me and asked when the wedding was. I said baffled that I didnt know I dont have an invite. Well my husband goes ti the bucks and this other husband would definately have been invited as would everyone at the bucks night. My husband wouldnt enbarrass my neighbours husband like that so didnt say anything. The thing was my neighbours husband didnt bloody know we werent invited!!!. He just assumed we were . Im livid. How rude of my neighbour to do that to my husband. Im furious actually with her. She put my husband in a shithouse situation and I reckon she did it on purpose. I know her husband didnt know. That is what is burning me that deception..the non wedding invite im not even worried about. The whole reason she did that is because we know too much because we live right next door to them and if we did indeed go we could show her up by inadvertently dropping a few bombshells innocently. We have been drilled before by their friends who dont know if what they have been told is the truth. Thirty years and we are just discarded like nothing. AND shes disappointed!
I have just realised my neighbour of thirty years is a narc. Over the years I have let her get away with slights and lies , one of which was directed at my grandsons appearance. It is done in such a way that you think you must have imagined it. Some of the fanciful lies I have been told defame her husband who has no idea she has told me that. One of the lies involved me signing paperwork in regards to said lie by ommission. I asked her “if I would lose my house over it” as a joke. I later on, five years, found she had bought an investment property a couple of streets over!. I only signed the paper!. She had gastruc banding and because of the dramatic weight loss I couldnt not comment. She then told me she went to dietician and went on a diet. The thing is I already knew about it and didnt pull her up on it because she is very vain and only dud it because her two daughters had lost a lot of weight also due to gastric banding for which was her fault they had to have the operation in the first place…they were competition as far as she was concerned so overfed them.. she is overtly ckass consuious and every friend that lasts 2 years are better off financially than her with all the bling. There is always some bust up whereby you never know the full story but it is because she oversteps the boundarys with them. She then tells me she is “dissappointed” in them. While she is being best friends with these women she keeps a low prifile with me and it took me a while to notice the pattern. I think they are cheating on Centerlink but you could never prove it due to the nature of the living arrangement, but it is all to do with keeping up appearances rather than admit your in trouble financially in your 60s and downgrade to a less expensive home, she would rather risk ending up in goal instead. She lied to my face that her husband had a sexual encounter with someelse as a backstory to backup the fact her husband is getting old age pension…but she works. The piece de resistence for me was the fact that I heard a heated argument one night next door between their daughters boyfriend abusing her husband. I told my daughter I had heard this blowup in confidence. Without going into more sordid details it got back to my neighbour that we heard the argument . Well it was a screaming match actually and the language durected at the hysband was out of order because the man is not a well man. It didnt go down ti well that she knew I heard it all. She and the daughter thought I was being a nosy neighbour but unfirtunately I have hearing. It was a bit wkward after that but it caused a bit of a soyr tadte in my mouth because fir years I have been lied and my intelligence insulted like im a freaking idiot and I hear one bloody feral argument and Im out if line???. Well there son was getting married and we have always socialised together for 30 years almost ,plus we got invite to engagement so thought due to ettiquette we would get invite to Wedding. I didnt think much about it and then my husband announced a few weeks ago all of a sudden out of the blue that he was going to their sons bucks with her husband and another friends husband. My husband looked at me and asked when the wedding was. I said baffled that I didnt know I dont have an invite. Well my husband goes ti the bucks and this other husband would definately have been invited as would everyone at the bucks night. My husband wouldnt enbarrass my neighbours husband like that so didnt say anything. The thing was my neighbours husband didnt bloody know we werent invited!!!. He just assumed we were . Im livid. How rude of my neighbour to do that to my husband. Im furious actually with her. She put my husband in a shithouse situation and I reckon she did it on purpose. I know her husband didnt know. That is what is burning me that deception..the non wedding invite im not even worried about. The whole reason she did that is because we know too much because we live right next door to them and if we did indeed go we could show her up by inadvertently dropping a few bombshells innocently. We have been drilled before by their friends who dont know if what they have been told is the truth. Thirty years and we are just discarded like nothing. AND shes disappointed!
My narcissist husband turned me into a stay at home wife, but now complains about it?! He used me to watch his kids, bring him meals at work, drive him around, etc, etc. I have been there through doctors appts, his unstable work life, his non stop complaining about his exes, and me. I’ve grown to hate him, not interested in intimate physical relationship, due to his incessant LYING. HES stayed out all night for almost 2 months. I’m sure he was cheating. He denied, but a couple months later was told by a friend that he came up as her perfect match on a dating website. He controls how much money I get, or don’t get, doesn’t pay bills on time. He’s a deadbeat husband. He gets loans and starts fights before they are about to come through so he can go on shopping sprees. Never been taken on a vacation, a hotel, nothing. I understood when we got married years ago that I just go a gold band because he was poor, as he’d say, but looking back, it was just that he didn’t care, when he came into money, he only got me a cubic zirconia on EBay for $20., but he would buy himself a gun, and other high ticket items. Been with this sick condescending puppy for almost 15 years. I try to ignore him as much as possible. He only cares about computers, cell phones & porn. Needs new attention all the time. Supposedly has Adhd. I think it’s More like bi-polar but missing one component of it The majority of the time, so they say no. He is an obsessive compulsive, who even on his days off obsessives about rushing through things, even hurrying to unlock the door. He’s nuts, and it’s gotten worse over the years. He’s 51 and I’m 56. I’d save money if he’d give me more than just crumbs. Wish I’d never met this Loser. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I find all of your post describes what I go through. Thanks for being out there! ❤
My narcissist husband turned me into a stay at home wife, but now complains about it?! He used me to watch his kids, bring him meals at work, drive him around, etc, etc. I have been there through doctors appts, his unstable work life, his non stop complaining about his exes, and me. I’ve grown to hate him, not interested in intimate physical relationship, due to his incessant LYING. HES stayed out all night for almost 2 months. I’m sure he was cheating. He denied, but a couple months later was told by a friend that he came up as her perfect match on a dating website. He controls how much money I get, or don’t get, doesn’t pay bills on time. He’s a deadbeat husband. He gets loans and starts fights before they are about to come through so he can go on shopping sprees. Never been taken on a vacation, a hotel, nothing. I understood when we got married years ago that I just go a gold band because he was poor, as he’d say, but looking back, it was just that he didn’t care, when he came into money, he only got me a cubic zirconia on EBay for $20., but he would buy himself a gun, and other high ticket items. Been with this sick condescending puppy for almost 15 years. I try to ignore him as much as possible. He only cares about computers, cell phones & porn. Needs new attention all the time. Supposedly has Adhd. I think it’s More like bi-polar but missing one component of it The majority of the time, so they say no. He is an obsessive compulsive, who even on his days off obsessives about rushing through things, even hurrying to unlock the door. He’s nuts, and it’s gotten worse over the years. He’s 51 and I’m 56. I’d save money if he’d give me more than just crumbs. Wish I’d never met this Loser. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I find all of your post describes what I go through. Thanks for being out there! ❤
My narcissist husband turned me into a stay at home wife, but now complains about it?! He used me to watch his kids, bring him meals at work, drive him around, etc, etc. I have been there through doctors appts, his unstable work life, his non stop complaining about his exes, and me. I’ve grown to hate him, not interested in intimate physical relationship, due to his incessant LYING. HES stayed out all night for almost 2 months. I’m sure he was cheating. He denied, but a couple months later was told by a friend that he came up as her perfect match on a dating website. He controls how much money I get, or don’t get, doesn’t pay bills on time. He’s a deadbeat husband. He gets loans and starts fights before they are about to come through so he can go on shopping sprees. Never been taken on a vacation, a hotel, nothing. I understood when we got married years ago that I just go a gold band because he was poor, as he’d say, but looking back, it was just that he didn’t care, when he came into money, he only got me a cubic zirconia on EBay for $20., but he would buy himself a gun, and other high ticket items. Been with this sick condescending puppy for almost 15 years. I try to ignore him as much as possible. He only cares about computers, cell phones & porn. Needs new attention all the time. Supposedly has Adhd. I think it’s More like bi-polar but missing one component of it The majority of the time, so they say no. He is an obsessive compulsive, who even on his days off obsessives about rushing through things, even hurrying to unlock the door. He’s nuts, and it’s gotten worse over the years. He’s 51 and I’m 56. I’d save money if he’d give me more than just crumbs. Wish I’d never met this Loser. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I find all of your post describes what I go through. Thanks for being out there! ❤
I have come across some over the years . What they do is that they just listen to themselves and never try to listen what you have to say.Even If you’re going out with them they choose everything
I have come across some over the years . What they do is that they just listen to themselves and never try to listen what you have to say.Even If you’re going out with them they choose everything
I have come across some over the years . What they do is that they just listen to themselves and never try to listen what you have to say.Even If you’re going out with them they choose everything
I feel like an anomoly. It seems to be a genetic disorder in my family. They all fall under the overt and covert narccasism spectrum. They ticked all the warning signs. (And on the covert side they guilt trip, manipulate, blackmail etc.) And have unhealed wounds/trauma/mental illnesses/alcoholic addiction they refuse to seek treatment for. Boundries are crossed all the time. My emotions are often rejected and demeaned. There is a sense of ‘respect your elders’ and children should be seen and not heard. So much so, that at a family gathering, I was shouted at/belittled/verbally abused over a tiny accident. And the rest of family blamed me when I stood up for myself. Makes me feel so alone. At 24, I’m a self healer, practically estranged from parents, because of reasons mentioned above and because of recovering from psychological abuse / complex trauma, ednos, depression and anxiety. Grew up as a parentified child to both my seperated parents listening to things no child should hear . Now my step sister is showing worrying signs of depression/social anxiety and after I left home at 16, she took ‘my place’ emotionally. She’s 14. We’re HSP’s too. So find it hard not to take on others emotions when we’ve been crafted to do so for survival, stop hoping they can change, wanting to help and heal. Any advice Vanessa on what to do and how to navigate that space? And help my sister too? I feel overwhelmed and find myself feeling like I cant take it anymore. Feel the weight of so much. And having to now help my sister to unlearn those voices not her own. Tempted to just go live in the woods somewhere as a hermit at this point haha. 😂 (Btw thank you for All the work you do Vanessa. It’s absoloutly fascinating and incredibly insightful.)
We all want to help our siblings in situations like this. Unfortunately, the only way they can truly get that help is to believe they need it and can see the things you are seeing. They may see what you are, but if they are too young to leave, they are trapped. Speaking as a victim of childhood abuse, I was in that position, and it took a very long time to break out of the damage it caused. I had no guidance along this path, and I started doing better with therapy and getting away from the negative influences in my life. I am not an expert by any means, but the best thing you can do is be sympathetic with your step sister and keep good vibes around without being overly positive or accidentally lessen the severity of/discredit their problems. Mental health can be tough because it isn’t about telling someone they have a problem, it is about processing things in a healthy manner as well as believing those problems exist so the person experiencing them actually can accept help.
I feel like an anomoly. It seems to be a genetic disorder in my family. They all fall under the overt and covert narccasism spectrum. They ticked all the warning signs. (And on the covert side they guilt trip, manipulate, blackmail etc.) And have unhealed wounds/trauma/mental illnesses/alcoholic addiction they refuse to seek treatment for. Boundries are crossed all the time. My emotions are often rejected and demeaned. There is a sense of ‘respect your elders’ and children should be seen and not heard. So much so, that at a family gathering, I was shouted at/belittled/verbally abused over a tiny accident. And the rest of family blamed me when I stood up for myself. Makes me feel so alone. At 24, I’m a self healer, practically estranged from parents, because of reasons mentioned above and because of recovering from psychological abuse / complex trauma, ednos, depression and anxiety. Grew up as a parentified child to both my seperated parents listening to things no child should hear . Now my step sister is showing worrying signs of depression/social anxiety and after I left home at 16, she took ‘my place’ emotionally. She’s 14. We’re HSP’s too. So find it hard not to take on others emotions when we’ve been crafted to do so for survival, stop hoping they can change, wanting to help and heal. Any advice Vanessa on what to do and how to navigate that space? And help my sister too? I feel overwhelmed and find myself feeling like I cant take it anymore. Feel the weight of so much. And having to now help my sister to unlearn those voices not her own. Tempted to just go live in the woods somewhere as a hermit at this point haha. 😂 (Btw thank you for All the work you do Vanessa. It’s absoloutly fascinating and incredibly insightful.)
We all want to help our siblings in situations like this. Unfortunately, the only way they can truly get that help is to believe they need it and can see the things you are seeing. They may see what you are, but if they are too young to leave, they are trapped. Speaking as a victim of childhood abuse, I was in that position, and it took a very long time to break out of the damage it caused. I had no guidance along this path, and I started doing better with therapy and getting away from the negative influences in my life. I am not an expert by any means, but the best thing you can do is be sympathetic with your step sister and keep good vibes around without being overly positive or accidentally lessen the severity of/discredit their problems. Mental health can be tough because it isn’t about telling someone they have a problem, it is about processing things in a healthy manner as well as believing those problems exist so the person experiencing them actually can accept help.
I feel like an anomoly. It seems to be a genetic disorder in my family. They all fall under the overt and covert narccasism spectrum. They ticked all the warning signs. (And on the covert side they guilt trip, manipulate, blackmail etc.) And have unhealed wounds/trauma/mental illnesses/alcoholic addiction they refuse to seek treatment for. Boundries are crossed all the time. My emotions are often rejected and demeaned. There is a sense of ‘respect your elders’ and children should be seen and not heard. So much so, that at a family gathering, I was shouted at/belittled/verbally abused over a tiny accident. And the rest of family blamed me when I stood up for myself. Makes me feel so alone. At 24, I’m a self healer, practically estranged from parents, because of reasons mentioned above and because of recovering from psychological abuse / complex trauma, ednos, depression and anxiety. Grew up as a parentified child to both my seperated parents listening to things no child should hear . Now my step sister is showing worrying signs of depression/social anxiety and after I left home at 16, she took ‘my place’ emotionally. She’s 14. We’re HSP’s too. So find it hard not to take on others emotions when we’ve been crafted to do so for survival, stop hoping they can change, wanting to help and heal. Any advice Vanessa on what to do and how to navigate that space? And help my sister too? I feel overwhelmed and find myself feeling like I cant take it anymore. Feel the weight of so much. And having to now help my sister to unlearn those voices not her own. Tempted to just go live in the woods somewhere as a hermit at this point haha. 😂 (Btw thank you for All the work you do Vanessa. It’s absoloutly fascinating and incredibly insightful.)
We all want to help our siblings in situations like this. Unfortunately, the only way they can truly get that help is to believe they need it and can see the things you are seeing. They may see what you are, but if they are too young to leave, they are trapped. Speaking as a victim of childhood abuse, I was in that position, and it took a very long time to break out of the damage it caused. I had no guidance along this path, and I started doing better with therapy and getting away from the negative influences in my life. I am not an expert by any means, but the best thing you can do is be sympathetic with your step sister and keep good vibes around without being overly positive or accidentally lessen the severity of/discredit their problems. Mental health can be tough because it isn’t about telling someone they have a problem, it is about processing things in a healthy manner as well as believing those problems exist so the person experiencing them actually can accept help.
I have a boss with the condition. Honestly before knowing about this condition, I was forever wondering with all the why? Why is she always taking credit from other peoples work and all the wrongs has to be blamed on someone, she is always correct and knows everything, always trying to put down the best workers, cannot accept the good deeds of other rather bring the bad experiences of those people.
Cannot stand to see a team cooperating rather will dismantle with back chats…. A complete distraction of the organization.
Since I know about the condition I’m in a better place to condition myself in her presence, expecting anything negative and I’m learning to control my emotions though it’s not easy.
Being in a silent mode and not absorbing any negatives has made my work space a bit better though if she cannot access me she then uses other people whom are not aware of her personality challenge.
Thanks for the article
I have a boss with the condition. Honestly before knowing about this condition, I was forever wondering with all the why? Why is she always taking credit from other peoples work and all the wrongs has to be blamed on someone, she is always correct and knows everything, always trying to put down the best workers, cannot accept the good deeds of other rather bring the bad experiences of those people.
Cannot stand to see a team cooperating rather will dismantle with back chats…. A complete distraction of the organization.
Since I know about the condition I’m in a better place to condition myself in her presence, expecting anything negative and I’m learning to control my emotions though it’s not easy.
Being in a silent mode and not absorbing any negatives has made my work space a bit better though if she cannot access me she then uses other people whom are not aware of her personality challenge.
Thanks for the article
I have a boss with the condition. Honestly before knowing about this condition, I was forever wondering with all the why? Why is she always taking credit from other peoples work and all the wrongs has to be blamed on someone, she is always correct and knows everything, always trying to put down the best workers, cannot accept the good deeds of other rather bring the bad experiences of those people.
Cannot stand to see a team cooperating rather will dismantle with back chats…. A complete distraction of the organization.
Since I know about the condition I’m in a better place to condition myself in her presence, expecting anything negative and I’m learning to control my emotions though it’s not easy.
Being in a silent mode and not absorbing any negatives has made my work space a bit better though if she cannot access me she then uses other people whom are not aware of her personality challenge.
Thanks for the article
I would love to see the article re-written with the subject narcissistic as a female, especially a female boss. I would argue they are more difficult to spot because people are more willing to believe many of the toxic traits are her strong sense of self and confidence. Truth is, they get away with it, they are loved by many because they can put on a show that not many people are used to seeing. Their toxic traits have been excused and allowed them to become master manipulators.
With men, we see it all the time, it’s nothing new for society to see and roll our eyes at. Even in 2021, it is still far less common to have women in powerful positions. I would love to read how you may approach or handle a relationship with a narcissistic female boss, as I suspect this would be different than your stereotypical male narcissists road map.
Yes! I have a female boss that cultivates a culture of fear. She will tear you down, and then the next day offers you praise. She doesn’t fit all of the characteristics of a narcissist and I am trying to figure out if that’s what she is or if it’s something else. She does to take credit for other people’s work, She just instills this overbearing sense of control and beratement. I have to continually remind myself that it’s not my fault. Good article.
I would love to see the article re-written with the subject narcissistic as a female, especially a female boss. I would argue they are more difficult to spot because people are more willing to believe many of the toxic traits are her strong sense of self and confidence. Truth is, they get away with it, they are loved by many because they can put on a show that not many people are used to seeing. Their toxic traits have been excused and allowed them to become master manipulators.
With men, we see it all the time, it’s nothing new for society to see and roll our eyes at. Even in 2021, it is still far less common to have women in powerful positions. I would love to read how you may approach or handle a relationship with a narcissistic female boss, as I suspect this would be different than your stereotypical male narcissists road map.
Yes! I have a female boss that cultivates a culture of fear. She will tear you down, and then the next day offers you praise. She doesn’t fit all of the characteristics of a narcissist and I am trying to figure out if that’s what she is or if it’s something else. She does to take credit for other people’s work, She just instills this overbearing sense of control and beratement. I have to continually remind myself that it’s not my fault. Good article.
I would love to see the article re-written with the subject narcissistic as a female, especially a female boss. I would argue they are more difficult to spot because people are more willing to believe many of the toxic traits are her strong sense of self and confidence. Truth is, they get away with it, they are loved by many because they can put on a show that not many people are used to seeing. Their toxic traits have been excused and allowed them to become master manipulators.
With men, we see it all the time, it’s nothing new for society to see and roll our eyes at. Even in 2021, it is still far less common to have women in powerful positions. I would love to read how you may approach or handle a relationship with a narcissistic female boss, as I suspect this would be different than your stereotypical male narcissists road map.
Yes! I have a female boss that cultivates a culture of fear. She will tear you down, and then the next day offers you praise. She doesn’t fit all of the characteristics of a narcissist and I am trying to figure out if that’s what she is or if it’s something else. She does to take credit for other people’s work, She just instills this overbearing sense of control and beratement. I have to continually remind myself that it’s not my fault. Good article.
I’ve a brother with this disorder and I don’t have any support. Even parents are believing what he says is right. Everyone in this world, people are not right at all the times. but, my parents think like that. Nowadays my life is like I’ve no reason to live. I’m tired off his shit torture. I was doing my work from home he’d sit simply and disturb me and that will be his routine job and he don’t even have an job. After that I’ll ask why are you telling this to me? after that he’ll start a fight and portray me as an bad person in front of all. Even parents also think like he’s right at all times. So, it’s like a key to him so that he can do any mistakes and they can forgive his mistakes.
I’ve a brother with this disorder and I don’t have any support. Even parents are believing what he says is right. Everyone in this world, people are not right at all the times. but, my parents think like that. Nowadays my life is like I’ve no reason to live. I’m tired off his shit torture. I was doing my work from home he’d sit simply and disturb me and that will be his routine job and he don’t even have an job. After that I’ll ask why are you telling this to me? after that he’ll start a fight and portray me as an bad person in front of all. Even parents also think like he’s right at all times. So, it’s like a key to him so that he can do any mistakes and they can forgive his mistakes.
I’ve a brother with this disorder and I don’t have any support. Even parents are believing what he says is right. Everyone in this world, people are not right at all the times. but, my parents think like that. Nowadays my life is like I’ve no reason to live. I’m tired off his shit torture. I was doing my work from home he’d sit simply and disturb me and that will be his routine job and he don’t even have an job. After that I’ll ask why are you telling this to me? after that he’ll start a fight and portray me as an bad person in front of all. Even parents also think like he’s right at all times. So, it’s like a key to him so that he can do any mistakes and they can forgive his mistakes.
What can I do if I have been in a long term relationship with a person who has the narcissistic and narcism disorder it’s almost unbearable the way I’m treated verbally mentally and physically? Please I need some help and guidance!?
What can I do if I have been in a long term relationship with a person who has the narcissistic and narcism disorder it’s almost unbearable the way I’m treated verbally mentally and physically? Please I need some help and guidance!?
What can I do if I have been in a long term relationship with a person who has the narcissistic and narcism disorder it’s almost unbearable the way I’m treated verbally mentally and physically? Please I need some help and guidance!?