Do you have a toxic person in your life?
Draining, unsupportive, and difficult people are one of life’s greatest challenges. In this post, I want to talk about how you can spot, stop, and deal with the toxic people who come into your life. You deserve to have people in your life that you enjoy spending time with, that support you, and that you LOVE hanging out with.
Here’s the problem: Guilt
Whenever I talk about toxic people, the same categories seem to crop up over and over again:
- Friend by History: This is a person whom you have known forever. Maybe you went to elementary school together, or you were neighbors growing up. Now you feel guilty ending the relationship.
- Friend by Proximity: This is a person who comes as a package with someone else in your life. Maybe it’s your partner’s best friend, or your friend’s brother who always tags along, or your best friend’s childhood friend. You feel guilty because you don’t want to put your person in an awkward situation.
- Friend by Context: This is a person who you see all the time in a specific area of your life–someone you work with everyday… someone on your flag football team… someone who lives across the hall. You feel guilty brushing them off because you see them all the dang time.
Sometimes these relationships are casual, but other times they can grow rotten. You end up keeping someone in your life who is jealous or has a totally different set of ethics, and that is when they become toxic.
The 7 Types of Toxic People
Here are the 7 types of toxic people to watch out for:
The Conversational Narcissist
Have you ever been talking to someone who keeps interrupting you? Maybe I should revise that sentence: have you ever been trying to talk to someone who won’t let you get a word in? Conversational narcissists LOVE to talk about themselves—or just hear themselves talk. They don’t ask you any questions, they don’t wait for your responses, and they won’t shut up. In a relationship, these people will end up being completely self-centered, and will never be attentive to your needs.
The Strait Jacket
The straitjacket is someone who wants to control everything and everyone around them. They want to be in charge of what you do, what you say, and even what you think. You know the person I am talking about––they freak out when you disagree with them, and won’t stop trying to convince you that they are right and you should do what they say. In a relationship, this person will give you no breathing room and will constantly nag you until you are in complete alignment with them. Be careful, these people will go after your emotional, conversational, and mental freedom until you have nothing left. Get out while you can!
The Emotional Moocher
An emotional moocher is also known as a “spiritual vampire,” because they tend to suck the positivity out of you or bleed you emotionally dry. These are the people who always have something sad, negative, or pessimistic to say. In conversations and relationships, they can never see the positive, and tend to bring everyone down with them. If you’re with someone and they only have bad things to say whenever you see them, watch out; it might not get better.
The Drama Magnet
Some toxic people are magnets for drama. Something is always wrong. Always. And of course, once a problem is solved, another one emerges. And they only want your empathy, sympathy, and support–but not your advice! You offer help and solutions, but they never seem to want to fix anything. Instead, they complain and complain. In a relationship, drama magnets are victims and thrive in a crisis, because it makes them feel important. If someone is a beacon for adversity, watch out, you might one day become part of the drama.
A JJ is a jealous-judgmental person. My friends and I can spot a JJ from a mile away, and I want to show you how to as well. Jealous people are incredibly toxic because they have so much self-hate that they can’t be happy for anyone around them. And typically, their jealousy comes out as judgment, criticism, or gossip. According to them, everyone else is awful, uncool, or lacking in some way. If someone starts to gossip jealously about other people, watch out, this might be a toxic person—and you never know what they say about you behind your back.
I had a lot of liars in my life before I learned human lie detection. Liars, fibbers, exaggerators… it’s exhausting to have a toxic deceiver in your life. Whether they tell little falsehoods or major lies, it’s impossible to trust a liar in a relationship. Dishonesty drains us because we are constantly doubting their words. If your intuition is ringing alarm bells, then watch out; get out before you’re lied to.
A tank crushes everything in its wake. A human tank is always right, doesn’t take anyone else’s feelings or ideas into account, and constantly puts themselves first. In a relationship, tanks are incredibly arrogant and see their personal opinions as facts. This is because they often think they are the smartest person in the room, so they see every conversation and person as a challenge that must be won over. They rarely see others as equals—and this can be challenging when trying to form a loving connection. If you feel your ideas are being run over, or you are not being respected, get out while you still can!
Dealing With Difficult People (The Effective Way)
Now that you know about the 7 types of toxic people, how do we deal with them effectively? You’ve got some of the basic tips, but here’s a more in-depth look into how to deal with difficult people (both in work and in relationships):
HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE AT WORK
Do you have a difficult boss? Colleague? Client? Learn how to transform your difficult relationship.
I’ll show you my science-based approach to building a strong, productive relationship with even the most difficult people.
How to Deal with Toxicity
Did someone pop into your head as I explained these toxic personality types? If you have someone in your life whom you dread seeing, who doesn’t respect your opinions, or who makes you feel bad about yourself in any way, then you need to just say no.
Do you feel:
- You have to constantly save this person and fix their problems
- You are covering up or hiding for them
- You dread seeing them
- You feel drained after being with them
- You get angry, sad or depressed when you are around them
- They cause you to gossip or be mean
- You feel you have to impress them
- You’re affected by their drama or problems
- They ignore your needs and don’t hear ‘no’
You deserve to have wonderful, supportive and loving people in your life. In fact, life is too short to spend time with people who don’t help you be your best self. I hope you will use this article as your immunization against toxic people!