Phubbing: What It Is, Why It Hurts, and How to Stop It

Phubbing, or phone snubbing, hurts more than you think. Here's the science on why it damages relationships and how to stop it.

We’ve all been there before. You’re conversing with someone, and suddenly they start checking their phone. They might even do it right in front of you!

This is called phubbing, and it’s a growing problem. People are so addicted to their phones that they can’t put them down, even when they’re in the middle of a conversation. Nearly 32 percent of people reported being phubbed 2-3 times daily!

About 46% of U.S. adults say their romantic partner regularly phubs them.¹ Phubbing is a form of social exclusion that threatens your sense of belonging, your self-esteem, and your feeling that your presence matters.²

Important Disclaimer: Not everyone’s eye contact game is the same, especially for neurodiverse individuals or anyone who processes social cues differently. No judgment here! We understand that avoiding eye contact and other behaviors mentioned can be part of natural interaction styles for some and do not necessarily indicate inattention or disrespect. We encourage readers to consider diverse perspectives and respect individual differences in any social interaction.

What Is Phubbing?

Phubbing, a blend of “phone” and “snubbing,” is the act of ignoring someone you’re physically with by focusing on your smartphone instead. It can happen in any setting: dinner with your partner, a meeting with your boss, a conversation with a friend. The message it sends is that whatever is on the screen matters more than the person in the room.

The word was coined on May 22, 2012, at the University of Sydney, when the advertising agency McCann Melbourne teamed up with the Macquarie Dictionary to create a term for this growing behavior.³ A 23-year-old account executive named Alex Haigh then launched the “Stop Phubbing” campaign, which went viral worldwide in 2013. The term has since made it into Oxford and Merriam-Webster dictionaries.

(If you’ve been spelling it “fubbing” or “fubing,” you’re not alone. The “ph” comes from “phone.”)

What Does Phubbing Look Like?

Phubbing isn’t always dramatic. Most of it is subtle enough that the phubber doesn’t even realize they’re doing it. Researchers at Baylor University developed the Partner Phubbing Scale,¹ which identifies these common behaviors:

• Placing your phone where you can see it during conversations
• Glancing at your phone while someone is talking to you
• Keeping your phone in your hand while spending time with someone
• Checking your phone during lulls in conversation
• Pulling out your phone when it buzzes, even mid-sentence
• Scrolling social media while someone is trying to connect with you

The average American checks their phone roughly 150 times per day. About 44% of people admit to looking at their phone during face-to-face conversations at least once daily. If any of those behaviors sound familiar, keep reading.

Phubbing sends one unmistakable message: whatever is on this screen is more important than you.

Why Phubbing Hurts More Than You Think

It’s easy to write phubbing off as a minor annoyance. Research across fifty-two studies with nearly 20,000 participants points somewhere else: phubbing works as a “social allergen,” a small, repeated irritation that does serious damage over time.⁴

Here’s what the science shows.

Phubbing Threatens Four Basic Needs

Researchers at the University of Kent found that phubbing is a specific form of social exclusion that threatens four basic human needs²

1. Belonging, or feeling connected to others
2. Self-esteem, or feeling valued as a person
3. Meaningful existence, or feeling like your presence matters
4. Control, or feeling you can influence the social situation

Being excluded activates the same brain regions as physical pain. When someone phubs you, your brain doesn’t distinguish between “they’re just checking Instagram” and “they don’t want me here.”

As Dr. Jean Twenge put it: “When someone phubs you, you feel like you’re not important, that whatever is on their phone is more important than you.”⁵

The damage isn’t limited to the two people involved. A study published in Cyberpsychology found that people who simply observed others being phubbed reported higher levels of stress and negative emotions.⁶ They also rated the phubber as lower in warmth and competence. Researchers described phubbing as a “social pollutant” that degrades the atmosphere for everyone nearby.

Phubbing Destroys Relationship Satisfaction

The most-cited research on partner phubbing comes from James Roberts and Meredith David at Baylor University. Their study of 453 U.S. adults uncovered a cascading chain reaction¹

Partner phubbing → cell phone conflict → lower relationship satisfaction → lower life satisfaction → depression

About 46% of respondents said their partner phubbed them regularly. Around 23% said it caused direct conflict in their relationship. And roughly 37% of those who felt phubbed reported feeling depressed at least some of the time.

As Roberts explained: “Something as common as cellphone use can undermine the bedrock of our happiness, our relationships with our romantic partners.”¹

Eye contact and social bonding feed each other. Making eye contact strengthens connection, and feeling connected makes us more likely to keep the eye contact going. When a phone breaks that loop, the bond weakens. Even when both partners phub equally, the negative effects stay.⁴ A separate 2025 study found that phubbing harms relationships mainly by making partners feel starved of affection. The message the phone sends does the damage.

Phubbing and Mental Health: The FOMO Paradox

The behavior meant to keep you connected is the one that leaves you more isolated.

Research across twenty-seven studies with over 20,000 participants found a strong link between Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) and phubbing.⁷ The cycle works like this:

1. FOMO drives you to check your phone during conversations
2. Phubbing damages your real-world relationships
3. Damaged relationships make you feel more disconnected
4. Feeling disconnected increases FOMO
5. Repeat

Research published in Acta Psychologica (2024) confirmed a link between phubbing and depression, with young women under twenty-five showing particularly strong effects.⁷ A separate 2024 study found that phubbing directly lowers peer relationship quality among adolescents, which leads to emotional unfulfillment, which leads to depressive feelings.⁸

If you are struggling with depression or mental health challenges, please note that this content is not professional medical advice. Consult a doctor or licensed therapist for questions about your physical or mental health.

The cruelest irony of phubbing: the very behavior meant to keep you connected makes you more isolated.

Phubbing Is Contagious (The “Together Alone” Effect)

A family of four sits down at a restaurant and all four of them get on their phones. They’re at the same table, each in their own digital world.

Researchers at the University of Kent found that phubbing is socially contagious⁹ The more you get phubbed, the more likely you are to phub others. People who are phubbed often pick up their own phones within seconds as a coping mechanism. Roberts and David called this the “Together Alone” phenomenon. When phubbed people turn to social media for the connection they’re missing in person, it only makes things worse.¹⁰

The “Mere Presence” Effect: Your Phone Doesn’t Even Need to Be On

Your phone doesn’t need to be used to damage a conversation. It just needs to be visible.

In an elegant experiment, researchers Przybylski and Weinstein had pairs of strangers sit down for 10-minute conversations. In some cases, a mobile phone sat on a nearby table, silent and untouched. In other cases, a notebook was placed instead.¹¹

Across those conversations:

• People rated conversations as lower quality when a phone was present
• They perceived their conversation partner as less empathetic
• Trust and closeness were reduced
• The effect was strongest during deep, meaningful conversations

The phone acts as a symbolic “portal” to your wider social network. Even sitting silently on a table, it reminds you of all the other people and places you could be connecting with, and that pulls your attention away from the person right in front of you.

Adrian Ward at the University of Texas took this further with his “Brain Drain” study.¹² He found that having your phone in the same room, turned off and face down, reduces your available brainpower. Your brain has to actively work to not check the phone, and that effort uses up mental resources you’d otherwise use for listening and engaging.

Performance was:

• Best when the phone was in another room
• Worse when in a pocket or bag
• Worst when visible on the desk

As Ward put it: “Your conscious mind isn’t thinking about your smartphone, but that process, the process of requiring yourself to not think about something, uses up some of your limited cognitive resources. It’s a brain drain.”¹²

If you want a real conversation, put the phone in another room. Face-down on the table still costs you.

Phubbing at Work: Why Your Boss’s Phone Habit Kills Trust

Phubbing is a professional problem, too.

In a workplace study, 76% of employees said they lost trust in a supervisor who phubbed them during meetings.¹³ Boss phubbing creates a sense of social distance and exclusion that leads to disengagement. Coworker phubbing increases team conflict and reduces collaboration. And phubbing during meetings impairs the ability to retain information and remember key tasks.

The simplest fix is also the whole fix: put your phone away when someone is talking to you.

Parental Phubbing: What Happens When You Phub Your Kids

One of the most powerful experiments in developmental psychology is the “Still Face Experiment.” A parent plays normally with their baby, then suddenly goes blank-faced and unresponsive. Within seconds, the baby becomes visibly distressed, reaching out, crying, trying desperately to re-engage.

Children respond to a parent’s smartphone absorption with strikingly similar distress patterns.⁷ Parental phubbing disrupts the “serve and return” interactions that are essential for healthy emotional development: eye contact, responsiveness, and back-and-forth communication.

Children who are frequently phubbed show higher rates of acting out (to force a reaction and regain attention) and withdrawal. Research covering over 50,000 children found consistent links between parental phubbing and emotional struggles.⁷

Children respond to a parent’s smartphone absorption with the same distress they show in the Still Face Experiment.

How to Stop Phubbing: Strategies That Actually Work

Phubbing is usually an impulsive habit. As Dr. Emma Seppälä of Stanford and Yale noted: “Ironically, phubbing is meant to connect you, presumably, with someone through social media or texting… But it can severely disrupt your present-moment, in-person relationships.”⁵

So the fix is a system you set up in advance. Here’s what works, whether you’re the phubber or the one being phubbed.

If You’re the Phubber: How to Break the Habit

1. Put Your Phone in Another Room (Not Just Face-Down)

Ward’s “Brain Drain” research showed that face-down on the table still costs you, because your brain expends energy resisting the urge to check it.¹² The only way to fully eliminate the cognitive drain is to put your phone in a different room entirely. Try it during dinner tonight. You’ll notice you’re more present within minutes.

Action Step: Before your next meal with someone you care about, leave your phone on a charger in the bedroom. Notice how the conversation feels different.

2. Create a “Phone Nest”

Designate a basket, bowl, or docking station near your front door or dining table where devices go during meals and conversations. Making the phone physically inaccessible turns the urge to check it from an automatic reflex into an effortful choice, and that friction is often enough to break the habit.

3. Turn Off Non-Essential Notifications

Every ping, buzz, and banner creates a Pavlovian response. Go into your phone settings right now and turn off notifications for everything except calls and direct messages from people who matter. Social media notifications, news alerts, and game updates can all wait.

How to do it:

1. Go to Settings → Notifications
2. Turn off notifications for all social media apps
3. Turn off news and shopping app alerts
4. Keep only calls, texts, and calendar reminders active
5. Review in one week—you’ll wonder why you ever had them on

4. Switch to Grayscale Mode

Colorful app icons trigger reward responses in the brain. Switching your phone to grayscale makes it visually boring, and boring phones get checked less. On iPhone, go to Settings → Accessibility → Display & Text Size → Color Filters → Grayscale. On Android, search “Grayscale” in Settings.

5. Narrate Your Phone Use

If you genuinely need to check your phone mid-conversation, say why: “I need to check this work message. Give me two minutes and I’ll put it away.” This one small act of narration reduces the feeling of being ignored because it signals that you’re aware of the other person and that the interruption is temporary.

Pro Tip: Try the “one-check rule.” Allow yourself one phone check per conversation, narrated. After that, it goes away. You’ll be surprised how rarely you need that one check.

If You’re Being Phubbed: How to Address It

Pro Tip: Use these strategies when you know the person is comfortable with directness. Some people may reach for their phone out of social anxiety or neurodivergent tendencies. If that’s the case, it might be best to exercise compassion instead.

1. Follow Their Gaze

If you encounter someone who phubs during a conversation, follow their gaze. Notice what they look at and make a comment:

• If they are looking above your head, turn back and try to see what they’re looking at. “Oh, I thought you were looking over there.”
• If they look at their phone, gaze over at their phone screen. “Did you want to show me something interesting?”
• If they’re eyeballing the person next to you, look over at them. “Oh, do you know them?”

Every time they phub, look where they are looking. They may realize 3 things:

1. It’s super distracting
2. It’s not nice
3. They will become annoyed or self-conscious with you pointing out their phubbing

Either way, they’ll likely stop phubbing.

2. Reward Full Attention

Some people phub because they’re socially anxious or introverted. In this case, make engagement feel rewarding:

• Flash a reassuring smile whenever they look up from their phone. Smiling acts as positive reinforcement. It cues them that it’s good to be present with you. Add a few small nods.
• Use the Pause Technique: When someone checks their phone mid-conversation (especially while you’re talking), stop talking immediately. Don’t finish your sentence. When their attention returns, continue as if nothing happened. They’ll start to notice the pattern.

3. Be Verbally Direct

If you notice someone phubbing and suspect they might be upset or avoiding something, say: “Is everything OK? I notice you’ve been checking your phone a lot.”

This is straightforward but compassionate. It opens the door for them to share what’s going on. Maybe they’re waiting for an important message, or maybe they didn’t realize they were doing it.

4. Try “I” Statements

For recurring phubbing (especially with a partner or close friend), use this formula:

“I feel disconnected when we’re talking and you check your phone. Could we put our phones away for 20 minutes?”

That keeps the focus on your experience, which lowers defensiveness and opens up a real conversation about phone habits.

5. Say “I’ll Wait for You to Finish”

This line is direct and effective. It communicates that you won’t continue the conversation until you have their full attention. Save it for the repeat offenders.

6. Use a Playful One-Liner

You can lighten the moment while still making your point:

• “Say hi for me!”
• “This must be important. Is that the President on the other line?”
• “Don’t worry, you can take my number down later.”

Humor works because it acknowledges the phubbing without turning it into a confrontation.

7. Try the Phone Stack Game

At group dinners, have everyone stack their phones in the center of the table. First person to reach for theirs picks up the tab (or buys the next round). It’s a fun, low-stakes way to create phone-free social time, and it works because nobody wants to be the one who cracks first.

Phubbing in Romantic Relationships: A Special Case

Partner phubbing hits differently than being phubbed by a friend or coworker, and attachment styles explain why.

People with anxious attachment, who tend to worry about whether their partner truly cares, are hit hardest by phubbing. They’re more likely to interpret phone use as a deliberate rejection. On days they feel phubbed, they report higher resentment and lower self-esteem.⁴

People with avoidant attachment may actually use phubbing to create emotional distance, reaching for the phone when conversations get too intimate or vulnerable.

If your partner seems disproportionately upset when you check your phone, it may be triggering deeper fears about the security of your relationship. And if you find yourself reaching for your phone every time a conversation gets real, that’s worth noticing too.

The 5-5-5 Rule for Talking About Phone Use:

If phubbing has become a source of conflict, try this structured conversation format:

1. 5 minutes for one partner to speak without interruption about how phone use affects them
2. 5 minutes for the other partner to share their perspective
3. 5 minutes of joint discussion about what changes you’ll both try

The structure prevents the conversation from spiraling into accusations and keeps both people feeling heard.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is phubbing behavior?

Phubbing is a blend of “phone” and “snubbing.” It’s the act of ignoring someone you’re physically with by focusing on your smartphone instead. Common phubbing behaviors include glancing at your phone while someone is talking, keeping your phone in hand during conversations, scrolling social media while someone is trying to connect with you, and pulling out your phone when it buzzes mid-conversation.

Is phubbing rude?

Yes, and research says it goes beyond rudeness. Phubbing is a form of social exclusion that threatens fundamental human needs like belonging and self-esteem.² In workplace settings, 76% of employees said they lost trust in a boss who phubbed them during meetings.¹³ Even people who merely observe someone else being phubbed report stress and negative emotions.⁶

What is an example of phubbing?

The most common form is checking your phone while someone is talking to you instead of making eye contact. Other examples include interrupting a conversation to take a phone call, scrolling through social media while someone is speaking, and reaching for your phone to escape an argument or disagreement with a partner.

What causes phubbing?

Phubbing is driven by a combination of smartphone habit, Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), and sometimes social anxiety. FOMO is one of the strongest predictors of phubbing behavior, because the urge to check what’s happening online overrides your attention to the person in front of you.⁷ Boredom, avoidance of awkward conversations, and phone addiction also play a role.

How does phubbing affect relationships?

Researchers at Baylor University found a chain reaction: partner phubbing leads to cell phone conflict, which lowers relationship satisfaction, which lowers life satisfaction, which increases depression.¹ About 46% of adults report being phubbed by their partner, and 23% say it causes direct conflict. A 2025 meta-analysis confirmed phubbing acts as a “social allergen” that builds into significant relationship damage over time.⁴

How does phubbing affect mental health?

Multiple studies link phubbing to depression, anxiety, and feelings of social exclusion. The FOMO-phubbing cycle is particularly harmful: checking your phone to stay connected damages real-world relationships, which makes you feel more disconnected, which increases FOMO, which drives more phubbing.⁷ Young women under twenty-five show particularly strong effects.⁷

Can a phone addiction ruin a relationship?

The Baylor University study found that partner phubbing creates a cascading effect from phone conflict to relationship dissatisfaction to depression.¹ Even when both partners phub equally, the negative effects don’t cancel out.⁴ Phone addiction can become a self-reinforcing pattern where both partners retreat into their devices, the “Together Alone” phenomenon.¹⁰

Who invented the term phubbing?

The word was coined on May 22, 2012, at the University of Sydney by a committee of language experts convened by the advertising agency McCann Melbourne in collaboration with the Macquarie Dictionary.³ A 23-year-old account executive named Alex Haigh then launched the “Stop Phubbing” campaign, which went viral in 2013.

When did phubbing become a word?

The term was created in May 2012 and went viral in 2013 through the Stop Phubbing campaign. It has since been added to major dictionaries including Oxford and Merriam-Webster.

How common is phubbing?

Phubbing is common. About 46% of U.S. adults report being phubbed by their romantic partner.¹ Roughly 44% of people look at their phone during face-to-face conversations at least once daily. The average American checks their phone approximately 150 times per day.

Is phubbing an addiction?

Phubbing can be part of a broader pattern of phone dependency. Smartphone addiction is the strongest direct predictor of phubbing behavior.⁹ When phubbing becomes automatic during social interactions, at parties, get-togethers and meetings, and starts damaging relationships, it may indicate a problematic relationship with your device.

What is the 5-5-5 rule for phone use in relationships?

The 5-5-5 rule is a structured conversation format: 5 minutes for one partner to speak about how phone use affects them, 5 minutes for the other partner, then 5 minutes of joint discussion about changes. It prevents conversations about phone habits from spiraling into arguments.

Does the concept of phubbing apply to neurodivergent individuals?

Communication styles, including eye contact and attention focus, vary significantly among individuals, particularly among those who are neurodivergent. For some neurodivergent people, traditional signals of engagement like making eye contact might be uncomfortable or atypical. In discussing phubbing, the aim is to address the broader social trend of phone overuse rather than to critique personal communication needs or styles. Recognizing and respecting individual differences in social interaction is important.

About 46% of U.S. adults report being phubbed by their romantic partner, and 23% say it causes direct conflict.

Stop Phubbing Takeaway

Phubbing is a form of social exclusion that your brain processes like physical pain, a “social allergen” that erodes relationships over time, and a habit that spreads through families, friend groups, and workplaces.

Here’s what to do next:

1. Tonight: Put your phone in another room during dinner. The table doesn’t count. Notice how the conversation changes.
2. This week: Turn off non-essential notifications and try grayscale mode for 48 hours.
3. If you’re being phubbed: Try one “I” statement with the person who phubs you most: “I feel disconnected when you check your phone while we’re talking.”
4. If you have kids: Pay attention to how often you reach for your phone when they’re trying to talk to you. Their brains are watching.
5. At your next group dinner: Try the Phone Stack game: phones in the center, first person to grab theirs pays.

If these tips don’t work, use this as a last resort: 62 Ways to Politely End a Conversation In ANY Situation

Read next: Learn more about how to hold a conversation without distractions, explore strategies for ending conversations gracefully, and discover the science behind therapeutic communication.