12 Signs Someone Doesn’t Want to Be Your Friend (Plus Tips)

If you have trouble reading social cues, it can be hard to tell when a friendship has started fizzling out. While most people won’t directly tell you that they don’t want to be friends anymore, they may begin to show signs that they don’t want to continue your friendship.

Friendship is a key determinant in health^{1https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1467-9280.01452}, success^{2https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0883902600000690}, and longevity^{3https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2910600/}, but not all friendships will be in your life. Sometimes it’s best to let go of one-sided friendships that no longer serve you.

But how do you know that someone is no longer interested in being friends with you?

Here are the top 12 signs that it may be time to cut ties and make room for new people in your life.

12 Signs Someone Doesn’t Want to Be Your Friend Anymore

No matter how likable you are, not every friendship is right for you. As people grow and change their life trajectories, friendships often fade, and priorities change.

At the end of the day, your time and energy are finite resources. You probably want to share them with people who genuinely want to be around you.

As you grow, it’s important to nourish your true friendships and let go of people who don’t value you. If someone doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, they’ll tell you with one or more of these 12 signs.

Watch our video below to learn the secret to being a good friend and how to build friendships as an adult:

You Put in Most of the Effort

One-sided friendships can be detrimental to your mental health and self-esteem.

When one person is more dedicated to a friendship than the other, it can often feel like you are being rejected or taken advantage of.

For example, take a look at your recent text messages or phone calls with this person. If you are the one who is constantly reaching out (i.e., you always text or call first) and they are not reciprocating your efforts, this could be a signal that you are in a one-sided friendship.

Action Tip: Go through your phone and list the top 10 people you communicate with every month. Tally up how often you initiated the conversation (text, call, email, or in-person) versus how many times they did.

Don’t be upset by the results—instead, use this as a guide for who is putting in the most effort in your close relationships. If you notice that you are the one doing most of the work in some areas, consider backing off a bit and redirecting your time into relationships founded on mutual efforts.

Want to transform your social life and develop the confidence to build lasting friendships? Join People School, our comprehensive training program:

They Actively Avoid Connecting Deeply with You

Pay attention to what happens when you are with your friend:

• Do they pretend not to see you if you run into them in public?
• Do they tend to keep the conversations super short?
• Do they avoid eye contact?
• Do they make up weird reasons why they need to leave or stop talking?
• Is their body language signaling avoidance rather than interest? Learning to read the body language of rejection is just as important in your friendships as in the dating world. For example, your friend may turn their torso slightly away from you toward the door while you are talking. Perhaps they have their arms crossed or look tense and uncomfortable. They may dart their eyes and avoid looking at you.

These indicate that your friend may be trying to avoid deeply connecting with you because they don’t want to be friends anymore. If someone is ignoring or avoiding you, it’s best to give them space and redirect your energy elsewhere.

Check out this video for more tips on reading body language:

They Don’t Ask About You

Another sign of a one-sided friendship is a constant focus on the other person. You may notice that they are always talking about themselves:

• their job
• their significant other
• their passions

Do they ever even ask about you!?

When someone doesn’t ask about your life or your passions, they may be demonstrating that they don’t value you as much as you value them.

For example, if you are chatting with your friend as they go on and on about their new job, a recent raise, or a project they’re working on, but they never stop to ask about your job or passions, this could be a sign that they are more interested in themselves than in your friendship.

If you are prone to people-pleasing, you might subconsciously play along with this pattern because you want to be liked and make others happy. But in reality, you could be hurting your own self-confidence by putting the other person on a pedestal.

Learn more about how to stop people-pleasing with our article: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You

Action Tip: Take all the energy you usually put into listening to another person’s life and begin channeling it into yourself. Smile and nod, then begin to celebrate your wins, practice self-care, work on your self-esteem, or try out a new hobby.

Remember that you are the most important character in your story. Therefore, you don’t need to put anyone on a pedestal by only listening to their life experiences.

They Stop Reaching Out or Making Plans

Are you always inviting them, and they are never asking you? Friends who are genuinely excited to know you will probably reach out to spend time together and initiate hangouts equally.

If they turn down your plans one night, they might offer an alternative by inviting you for coffee or offering to watch a movie and catch up the following week.

But if you notice that your friend is no longer reaching out or that you are the only one who tries to make plans, it could be a sign that they don’t want to be friends anymore.

Maybe they are busy, or they just don’t vibe with you anymore. Either way, don’t take it personally when you find yourself in a one-sided friendship. Use this as a sign to redirect your focus toward relationships in your life that have balanced efforts from both parties.

It is an act of self-respect to acknowledge and accept that a friendship does not rely on mutual effort anymore. Friendships take time and work. You deserve friends who put in an equal amount of work as you do to maintain your friendship.

Action Tip: Avoid reaching out to this person for a month and see how (or if) they react. During this time, invite other friends to hang out or focus on making new friends.

If they don’t reach out for 2-4 weeks after you cut off communication, it’s probably a sign that they’re either really busy or aren’t interested in your friendship anymore.

They Regularly Cancel Plans

Avoiding plans, canceling plans, or no-call-no-shows all hurt. Ouch! Research^{4https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3273616/} shows that rejection triggers the same parts of your brain as physical pain.

But it is absolutely crucial to recognize when someone isn’t following through on their plans with you. Perhaps they are just flaky or unreliable with their time, but if they don’t apologize or try to create new plans, it could be a signal that they’re not that invested in your friendship.

Action Tip: Everyone has experienced rejection, yet we don’t often have coping methods to deal with it. Use our guide on how to help overcome the pain of rejection: Why Rejection Hurts So Much and How to Heal the Pain

They Make Excuses

People who aren’t interested in spending time with you may not be as straightforward as you would like. Instead, they might make excuses for why they can’t hang out or why they haven’t contacted you in a while.

For example, if you reach out to a friend a couple of times and invite them to hit the gym with you, they might respond that they are busy with work or injured their shoulder. Either instance could be true, but it could also be a signal that they’re avoiding you if they have made a similar excuse on multiple occasions—how many times could they REALLY injure their shoulder?

Notice the signs of excuses and avoid probing or taking them personally. Instead, invite out a different friend or do something to celebrate yourself.

They’re Always Busy

Life happens. Everyone can get busy and overwhelmed at times. Often friendships start fizzling out because someone is focusing on other relationships, or they simply don’t have the time in their schedule to connect right now.

Maybe they are overwhelmed or undergoing a major life change, such as starting a new job, moving to a new place, or having a baby. On the other hand, they could just be using their busy schedule to avoid you without hurting your feelings.

Ask yourself: Are they trying to reschedule when they are too busy to hang out or are they constantly canceling and never getting back to you?

Action Tip: Create your plans by yourself or with other people and invite them to tag along. This is a key habit of how popular people bring others together. For example, “Hey, hope you’re doing well! I’m meeting up with some friends tonight at the brewery, and you’re welcome to join us!”

If they don’t show up or don’t respond, it is a reflection on them, not you.

At the end of the day, just about everybody in the modern day is busy. You make time for people and things that you care about. If someone isn’t making time for you, move on down the line! There are over 7 billion other potential friends out there!

They Don’t Respond or Lack Enthusiasm in Responses

When people aren’t super stoked to talk to you, you can just feel it.

Maybe you ask them, “what’s up?” or “how are you?” or “I’m so excited about this new project I’m working on. What are you excited about these days?”

If their response is bland, vague, or surface-level, this could be a sign that they don’t feel that enthusiastic about talking to you. They may be super short with you, using words like “good,” “cool,” or “I’m busy.” Or they may not engage at all.

If they don’t respond to your conversation starters at all, this is an even clearer sign that the friendship is dwindling.

Action Tip: Wean yourself off of communications with this person. Instead, if you feel lonely, call a friend or family member and remind them how grateful you are to have them in your life.

Remember: you are important, and you deserve relationships with people who feel genuinely excited to hear from you!

They Only Reach Out When They Need Something

Some friendships are unfortunately not built on mutual care and support but rather on convenience and utility. If you notice that your friend only contacts you when they need a favor, advice, or emotional support but disappears when life is going well, this is a major red flag.

This could manifest as:

• They text you asking for professional advice related to your expertise
• They call when they need a ride somewhere
• They invite you to events only when they need an extra person
• They reach out when they’re going through a breakup but ignore you otherwise

Healthy friendships should involve giving and receiving. While there may be periods where one person needs more support than the other, this should generally balance out over time. If you find yourself constantly being used as a resource without receiving anything in return, this person likely doesn’t value your friendship for what it truly is.

Action Tip: Keep a mental note of the last few times this person has reached out to you. What was the purpose of their contact? Were they giving or taking? The next time they reach out with a request, consider politely declining and seeing if they still want to maintain contact. This boundary-setting can help clarify whether there’s a genuine friendship there or just a one-sided arrangement.

They Talk About You Behind Your Back

True friends build each other up and protect each other’s reputations. If you discover that someone you considered a friend has been speaking negatively about you to others, sharing your secrets, or undermining your relationships with mutual friends, this is a clear indication that they don’t value your friendship.

This type of betrayal can be particularly painful because it involves a breach of trust. While everyone occasionally vents about frustrations with friends, there’s a difference between processing a conflict and deliberately damaging someone’s reputation or sharing confidential information.

Action Tip: If you discover that a friend has been talking behind your back, consider having an honest conversation about it if you value salvaging the friendship. Their response to this confrontation—whether they apologize and change their behavior or become defensive and dismissive—will tell you a lot about whether this relationship is worth saving.

They Exclude You from Group Activities

It stings when you see social media posts or hear stories about gatherings you weren’t invited to, especially when they involve people you consider friends. While not every friend needs to invite you to every event, a pattern of exclusion can signal that someone doesn’t value your friendship as much as you thought.

This might look like:

• Learning about group outings after they’ve happened
• Being left out of group chats or social media groups
• Only being invited to larger gatherings but never smaller, more intimate ones
• Hearing phrases like “I didn’t think you’d be interested” or “It was last minute” repeatedly

Everyone deserves to feel wanted and included. If you consistently feel like an afterthought rather than a priority in someone’s social life, it might be time to reassess the friendship.

Action Tip: Instead of dwelling on feelings of exclusion, focus on cultivating relationships where you naturally fit in. Host your own gatherings or initiate activities with people who consistently demonstrate that they enjoy your company. For tips on how to host an amazing dinner party, check out our video:

They Don’t Celebrate Your Successes

One of the most telling signs of whether someone truly cares about you is how they respond to your good news. Psychologists call this “capitalization”—the process of sharing positive events with others and receiving a supportive response—and it’s been shown to make both the news-teller and the congratulator feel better in addition to strengthening the bond between the two.

When friends don’t celebrate your wins or, worse, try to diminish them, they’re showing you they don’t prioritize your happiness.

Watch out if your friends:

• Change the subject when you share good news
• Minimize your achievements (“That’s nice, but…”)
• Respond with competitive one-upmanship (“That reminds me of when I…”)
• Show disinterest or find flaws in your success

A true friend will express genuine enthusiasm for your accomplishments, even if they’re struggling in that same area themselves. The inability to be happy for you speaks volumes about their investment in the friendship.

Action Tip: When you accomplish something meaningful, note who responds with authentic joy and support. These are the relationships worth nurturing. For those who consistently fail to celebrate your successes, you might need to accept that they’re either dealing with their own insecurities or simply don’t value your friendship enough to prioritize your happiness.

Want to make sure you’re celebrating your friends’ success properly? Check out our comprehensive list of congratulatory messages for any occasion: 150 Ways to Congratulate Someone Professionally with Scripts

10 Tips for Handling One-Sided Friendships

So you’ve recognized several signs that someone might not want to be your friend anymore. Now what? Here are ten practical tips to help you navigate these challenging situations with grace and self-respect.

Try a 10-Minute Friendship Reset

When you notice a friendship becoming one-sided, take 10 minutes to spark new connections instead of dwelling on rejection. Simply identify three people you’ve been meaning to reconnect with and send them thoughtful, specific messages referencing your shared experiences.

For example:

• “That documentary we talked about is finally out! Made me think of our conversation. How’ve you been?”
• “Just passed the restaurant where we had that hilarious waiter mix-up. Hope things are good with you!”

This quick action accomplishes two things: it immediately redirects your focus away from the one-sided friendship and opens doors to potentially more fulfilling connections.

Find Fulfilling Hobbies That Connect You With Like-Minded People

Rather than dwelling on friendships that are fading, redirect your energy toward activities you genuinely enjoy. Hobbies not only boost your happiness but also naturally connect you with people who share your interests.

Whether you’re interested in creative pursuits, physical activities, intellectual challenges, or volunteer work, there’s a hobby out there that can enrich your life and social circle. 

Check out our article on 74 Fun Hobbies to Try to discover activities that might resonate with you and introduce you to new friends who value what you bring to the table.

Prioritize Your Social Skills Development

Often, improving your overall social intelligence can help you both identify problematic friendship patterns and build healthier relationships. By developing better social skills, you’ll naturally attract people who appreciate genuine connection and recognize when someone isn’t reciprocating.

Learn more with our comprehensive guide on the most important social skills: 13 Social Skills You Need to Succeed in Life.

Practice Self-Compassion Through the Transition

When friendships end or evolve, it’s normal to experience feelings of rejection, sadness, or self-doubt. During these times, treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a good friend is essential.

Self-compassion involves acknowledging your feelings without judgment, recognizing that friendship challenges are part of the universal human experience, and treating yourself with care rather than criticism. 

If you struggle with self-compassion, read our article: 10 Powerful Tips You Can Use to Practice Self-Compassion.

Set Clear Boundaries

One of the most powerful ways to protect your emotional well-being in unbalanced friendships is to establish healthy boundaries. This might mean limiting how much emotional energy you invest, being more selective about when you make yourself available, or directly communicating your needs.

For example, if someone only reaches out when they need something, you might decide to be less immediately responsive or to be more explicit about what you can and cannot offer. 

Our guide on How to Set Boundaries provides structured approaches to establishing limits that protect your well-being while preserving relationships worth keeping.

Have a Direct Conversation (When Appropriate)

In some cases, especially with longer-term friendships that seem to be fading, a straightforward conversation might be warranted. This doesn’t mean confronting someone in an accusatory way, but rather expressing your observations and feelings using “I” statements.

For example: “I’ve noticed that our communication has been one-sided lately, and I’m feeling uncertain about where our friendship stands. I value our relationship and wanted to check in about how you’re feeling.”

This approach gives the other person space to share their perspective while showing that you care enough to address the situation directly. 

Having these kinds of difficult conversations can be hard. Check out our article How to Have Difficult Conversations for strategies on navigating these delicate discussions.

Focus on Quality Over Quantity in Your Social Circle

Rather than trying to maintain numerous superficial connections, invest your time and energy in nurturing a smaller number of meaningful relationships. Research^{5https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9292547/} shows that having a few close, supportive friends contributes more to well-being than having many casual acquaintances.

Take inventory of your current friendships and identify those that feel mutually supportive, energizing, and authentic. These are the relationships worth prioritizing as you move forward.

Looking to build deeper connections with your friends? Check out our comprehensive guide on How to Make a Best Friend. 

Recognize the Natural Lifecycle of Friendships

Not all friendships are meant to last forever. People grow, circumstances change, and sometimes relationships naturally reach their conclusion. Understanding that this is a normal part of life rather than a personal failure can make the transition easier to accept.

Some friendships serve a purpose for a particular phase of life—perhaps a job, educational experience, or personal challenge—and naturally fade as those circumstances change. Appreciating what these relationships offered during their time rather than trying to force their continuation can bring a sense of peace and closure.

Create Opportunities for New Connections

When old friendships fade, it’s important to proactively create space for new ones to form. We talked about hobbies earlier, but this could also include volunteering, taking classes, or simply saying yes to social invitations that come your way.

Our guide on The 50 Best Ways You Can Meet New People offers practical strategies for expanding your social circle in authentic, meaningful ways.

Address Friendship Anxiety and Rejection Sensitivity

Many of us fear rejection and may misinterpret normal friendship fluctuations as signs of abandonment. If you find yourself constantly anxious about friends pulling away or overanalyzing their every action, you might be experiencing rejection sensitivity.

Try strategies like questioning your assumptions (“Is there another explanation for why they didn’t text back?”) or practicing mindfulness to reduce rumination.These approaches can help you distinguish between actual friendship problems and your perception, preventing you from reacting to issues that aren’t really there while responding appropriately when genuine friendship issues arise.

For advice on overcoming rejection sensitivity, check out: 8 Tactics To Overcome Your Rejection Sensitivity

Practice Graceful Closure and Self-Care When Ending Friendships

Sometimes, despite our best efforts to salvage a relationship, the healthiest option is to intentionally end a friendship that has become consistently negative or one-sided. 

When a friendship is ending, prioritize self-care practices like journaling about your feelings, leaning on other supportive relationships, focusing on activities that bring you joy, and acknowledging the grief that can come with any relationship loss. Remember that making space for healthier connections often requires closing chapters that no longer serve your wellbeing.

For a complete guide on navigating this challenging transition, check out our article on 12 Steps to Get Over a Friendship Breakup (Effectively!).

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About Friendship Dynamics

Moving Forward When Friendships Change

If you’ve noticed that one of your friends is signaling that they don’t want to continue your friendship, don’t take it personally.

They might:

• Stop putting effort into your friendship
• Avoid you in public
• Stop asking about you
• Stop reaching out
• Cancel plans or make excuses
• Lack enthusiasm
• Stop responding
• Only contact you when they need something
• Talk about you behind your back
• Exclude you from group activities
• Fail to celebrate your successes

The only constant in life is change, and people will inevitably move in and out of your life as you both change and evolve. Sometimes people outgrow friendships or find themselves on a different path.

Instead of fighting to hold onto these dwindling friendships, think of these signs as guideposts that redirect your path toward more fulfilling new relationships.

If you’re looking for new friendships, you might enjoy our guide on The 50 Best Ways You Can Meet New People in ANY New City.