New Study Reveals What is Making Today’s Kids Anxious

Are we inadvertently raising a generation of anxious and less resilient children? A new mental health study suggests that our overemphasis on safety may be robbing kids of their resilience and fueling a skyrocketing wave of anxiety. This is a rather concerning issue. 

The revealing study^{1https://www.psypost.org/2023/05/over-emphasis-on-safety-means-kids-are-becoming-more-anxious-and-less-resilient-163240} has unveiled a significant correlation between our “babying” tendencies and the decline in resilience among children.

Join us as we unravel the fascinating insights revealed by this research and uncover actionable steps to empower our children for a brighter, more resilient future.

From Hammers to Helmets: Understanding The Shift In Children’s Safety

Remember when children eagerly grabbed hammers to help fix the car or gleefully tinkered with their bicycles to make them race-ready? Back then, our world embraced a different mindset—one that encouraged children to explore, take risks, and learn from their experiences. But oh, how times have changed.

In today’s hyper-vigilant society, we find ourselves engulfed in a culture of overprotection. We hover over our children, guarding them against every potential danger, whether it be germs, strangers, or even their own emotions. We give them helmets instead of hammers. While safeguarding our little ones is undoubtedly important, have we inadvertently crossed a line into the realm of overprotection?

Once, parents empowered their children by involving them in everyday tasks, fostering a sense of self-reliance and resilience. But now, we wrap them in proverbial bubble wrap, shielding them from discomfort, failure, and the valuable lessons that come with them.

The roots of this cultural shift can be traced back to a time of rising crime rates. In the wake of increasing crime, the media bombarded us with images of missing children^{2https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/missing-children-close-look-issue}. This led to a perpetuating fear, hence, stoking our protective instincts. Although crime rates have declined since then, our trepidation has lingered. It has extended the concept of safety to encompass emotional well-being and psychological comfort.

However, this well-intentioned overprotection can have unintended consequences. Research suggests that children smothered by excessive parental vigilance^{3https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/sode.12590} are more likely to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. They may internalize their problems, grappling with:

• Anxiety, 
• Depression, 
• Externalize emotions, 
• Resort to delinquency, 
• Defiance behavior, or 
• Substance abuse.

Psychologists warn that this overprotective approach can evolve into a phenomenon known as “safetyism.” Safetyism^{4https://www.colorado.edu/herbst/sites/default/files/attached-files/haidt_coddling_chs_2_and_7_0.pdf} instills negative thought patterns in children, mirroring anxiety and depression. It emphasizes their safety, sometimes at the expense of essential practical and moral considerations. 

Remember, your child is more resilient than you think. 

Of course, it is only natural to shield our loved ones from harm, but by avoiding every discomfort and challenge, we inadvertently send a message that they are incapable of handling life’s hurdles. Over time, this belief can erode their confidence and diminish their ability to navigate the complexities of the world.

Navigating the Mental Maze: Monitoring Your Parenting Thought Patterns

Here’s a table highlighting unhelpful and helpful thought patterns that parents often engage in, which can contribute to overprotection:

Unhelpful Thought Patterns	Helpful Thought Patterns
Catastrophic Thinking: You constantly imagine worst-case scenarios and believe that any potential risk will surely harm your child.	Balanced Assessment: You evaluate risks realistically, considering both the potential dangers and benefits, allowing your child to experience growth and learning opportunities.
Bubble Wrap Mentality: You strive to shield your child from any discomfort, failure, or disappointment, believing that they should be protected from every negative experience.	Resilience Building: You understand that facing challenges and overcoming setbacks is an essential part of your child’s development, and you provide support while allowing them to learn from their own experiences.
Perfectionism Pressure: You expect your child to excel in every aspect of their life, setting unrealistically high standards that can lead to undue stress and anxiety.	Growth Mindset: You encourage your child to embrace a growth mindset, emphasizing the value of effort, learning from mistakes, and celebrating progress rather than solely focusing on outcomes.
Comparative Parenting: You constantly compare your child’s achievements, milestones, and abilities with those of other children, creating unnecessary pressure and feelings of inadequacy.	Individualized Support: You recognize and appreciate your child’s unique strengths and challenges, providing personalized guidance and nurturing their own individual growth journey.
Fear of Failure: You become paralyzed by the fear that your child might fail or face rejection, leading you to excessively control their choices and limit their autonomy.	Embracing Failure as a Teacher: You understand that failure is a natural part of life and an opportunity for growth, allowing your child to take calculated risks, make their own decisions, and learn valuable life lessons.

Remember, guiding and supporting your child through life’s challenges can empower them to become strong, confident, and capable individuals. But over-guidance can lead to them becoming more dependent on you, which may be great initially, but not so much in the long term.

How to Nurture Independence and Resilience

In a world where safety concerns loom large and anxiety levels soar, it’s time to break free from overprotection and embrace a more balanced approach. Here are some actionable tips for eradicating the suffocating bubble for your children and welcoming a world where they can flourish, learn, and grow.

Identify Negative Filtering

Begin by reflecting on the potential positive aspects and benefits of experiences that involve some level of risk or independence for your child. Challenge any tendency to focus solely on the potential negative consequences. 

Consciously acknowledge the positive outcomes of unsupervised play, such as joy, independence, problem-solving skills, risk assessment, and resilience. Embrace a balanced perspective that considers both the risks and rewards when making decisions about your child’s activities.

And when it comes to social skills, build on them! Here’s how to train your kid for success: Social Skills Training for Kids: 8 Super Steps to Success

Avoid Dichotomous Thinking

Recognize when you’re inclined to categorize people, ideas, places, or situations as strictly good or bad. Practice acknowledging the gray areas and nuances that exist between extreme viewpoints. 

Cultivate an open-minded attitude that allows for embracing different perspectives and appreciating the complexity of situations. Remember, the world is not black and white, and there’s a wealth of possibilities between one extreme and the other.

Recognize Emotional Reasoning

Develop awareness of your emotional responses and how they might influence your perceptions of safety and risk. Differentiate between feeling uncomfortable or anxious and actual physical danger. 

Understand that avoiding all stress or discomfort can hinder personal growth and learning. Encourage your child to face manageable stressors and overcome hurdles to foster resilience and a sense of capability. You need to recognize that navigating challenges and learning from them is an essential part of their development.

In fact, having the self-awareness is critical in order to develop true emotional intelligence. Read on: 10 Emotional Intelligence Traits to Master for Self-Growth

Mind Your Thoughts

Practice self-awareness and actively monitor your thoughts. Challenge negative or irrational thoughts that may lead to overprotective behaviors. Replace them with positive and rational ones that consider a balanced perspective. 

For example, let’s say you have a big speech coming up, but have negative thoughts as well. You replace those negative thoughts with positive and rational ones, such as “I have prepared thoroughly, and I am knowledgeable about the topic” or “I have valuable insights to share with the audience.”

By actively monitoring and challenging your thoughts (and teaching your children how, too), you cultivate a more balanced perspective. 

After that, you’ll need to foster a positive mindset by focusing on your strengths, expressing gratitude, and maintaining realistic optimism. Remember that your thoughts shape how you perceive the world, others, and yourself.

Don’t Be Afraid Of Putting Your Foot Down

Encourage curiosity and constructive disagreement within your family. Create a safe and open space for discussions where different perspectives are valued and respected. Teach effective communication skills, including active listening, empathy, and the ability to argue respectfully and productively. 

By embracing diverse viewpoints and engaging in productive debates, both you and your child can develop critical thinking skills and a broader understanding of the world. Remember, if you avoid raising your voice with your children, you’re fostering an “enabling” environment for them. Children must learn about consequences and to get “no” for an answer.

Understand Others’ Point Of View

Give others the benefit of the doubt and avoid assuming negative intentions. Challenge fear-based assumptions by seeking understanding and compassion. Foster a sense of trust and connection with others by maintaining an open heart and a willingness to engage positively. 

By approaching situations and interactions with empathy and openness, you create an environment that encourages personal growth, understanding, and healthy relationships.

For example, try avoiding saying things like “It’s better to be positive!” or “People like it when you smile!” Your pep talk might mean well, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution, and some people can’t fake happiness.

Read on for more tips: The 15 Habits of Highly Empathetic People (Empathy Guide)

Trust Yourself

Embrace the reality that life is not entirely safe or risk-free. Cultivate self-confidence and resilience by acknowledging your ability to handle life’s challenges. Encourage your child’s autonomy and independence while providing guidance and support when needed. 

Help them develop a belief in their own capabilities. By trusting yourself and instilling a sense of self-assurance in your child, you both can navigate life’s uncertainties with confidence and adaptability.

Challenge Catastrophic Thinking

When you catch yourself imagining worst-case scenarios, take a step back and assess the situation more objectively. Ask yourself if your concerns are based on evidence or fueled by irrational fears. 

Break the pattern by considering alternative, more balanced perspectives. Engage in problem-solving by identifying practical steps to mitigate risks while allowing your child to explore and learn from their experiences.

Embrace Imperfection & Failure

Recognize that perfectionism can be detrimental to your child’s growth and well-being. Encourage a growth mindset by praising effort, persistence, and learning rather than focusing solely on outcomes. 

Help your child understand that setbacks and failures are valuable opportunities for growth and learning. Celebrate their progress and emphasize the importance of resilience, adaptability, and perseverance in the face of challenges.

Limit Social Comparisons

Avoid the temptation to constantly compare your child’s achievements with those of others. Instead, focus on their individual strengths, interests, and progress. Nurture a supportive and non-competitive environment where your child can thrive based on their unique abilities and aspirations. 

Once you’ve accomplished that, you should encourage them to set personal goals and celebrate their own objectives. This will help foster a healthy sense of self-esteem and self-worth in your child without babying them too much.

Practice Self-Reflection & Self-Care

Take time to reflect on your own thoughts, emotions, and triggers that may contribute to overprotective tendencies. Engage in self-care activities that promote your own well-being and reduce stress, allowing you to approach parenting with a calm and balanced mindset. 

Seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals if you find yourself struggling to break unhelpful patterns.

Remember, every child is unique, and parenting is a journey of continuous learning and adaptation. By implementing these actionable tips and consciously working to avoid unhelpful thought patterns, you can foster a supportive and nurturing environment that allows your child to develop resilience, independence, and a positive mindset.

Conclusion: Embracing Balanced Parenting for Resilient and Confident Children

In a world that oscillates between caution and progress, it is crucial to strike a balance when it comes to parenting. While safeguarding our children is a natural instinct, excessive overprotection can inadvertently hinder their development and resilience. As parents, we hold the key to unlocking their potential by embracing a more balanced approach.

Let them fix their own bicycle, involve them in household tasks, and let them solve their own problems. Grant them the satisfaction of contributing and learning practical skills. This way, you’ll not only nurture helpful thought patterns but will also encourage independent growth.

Remember, you can protect your children without smothering their growth. It’s about finding the delicate balance between safety and allowing them to explore, to make mistakes, and learn from them. 

Want more reading? Check out our Science of People research hub, or if you’re looking to easily break the ice, we’ve got you covered: 23 Best Icebreaker Games for Kids in ANY Situation