17 Best Tips to Not Be Jealous in a Relationship Anymore

Have you had the experience when your partner has a great conversation with a friend, but you tighten up because their positive experience didn’t come from you? Or when you feel upset when they stay for their work happy hour because you’re afraid they might cheat on you?

Even if you know your partner is trustworthy, jealousy can emerge in any relationship, bringing out your fears and insecurities.

If you don’t know how to handle jealousy, it can chip away at the trust and stability of your connection.

But fear not; in the following pages, we’ll unpack what jealousy is and equip you with tools and insights to navigate your jealousy with grace and bring more health to your partnership.

What is The Nature of Jealousy?

Jealousy is a complex and often distressing emotional response triggered by the perceived threat of losing something or someone one values, leading to insecurity, possessiveness, and fear.

Jealousy is a common human emotion that comes up in many romantic relationships.

Jealousy is rarely a single emotion; instead, it’s a complex interplay of various feelings. These can include:

• Lack of trust in your partner
• Envy (“How dare you have fun with other people!”)
• Insecurity (“I’m not good enough”)
• Fear of betrayal (perhaps due to past betrayals)
• Anxious attachment
• Possessiveness (“You belong to me!”)
• Lack of independence (“You’re my everything; it’s too risky to share you”)

Now that we understand jealousy a little more let’s go over some tips to help you work with it when it comes up.

17 Tactics To Let Go of Jealousy in Your Relationship

Build trust

A fundamental component of jealousy can be a lack of trust in one’s partner. This lack of confidence can stem from a personal history of past betrayals, previous trust breaches in the relationship, personal insecurities, or miscommunication.

Building trust in a relationship takes time and comes about through consistent actions, keeping promises, and maintaining transparency. 

But you can expedite the process by taking on specific trust-building exercises. Below are two to try.

Action Step 1: Set aside time for this exploration with your partner:

• Each partner takes turns blindfolding the other and slowly guiding them around your home or a designated space.
• During the blindfolded journey, periodically pause and ask each other how you feel. Share any emotions or sensations that come up.
• The blindfolded partner will have to relinquish control and trust the other person, and for many people, this can shed light on some of their deeper trust wounds in the relationship.
• Remove the blindfolds and have an open conversation about the experience. Discuss the feelings of vulnerability, trust, and the importance of communication that arose during the activity.
• Reflect on how this exercise relates to trust in your relationship and how you can apply the lessons learned to enhance your connection.

Action Step 2: Start a shared journal where you both take turns writing about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Commit to being completely honest and vulnerable in your entries. This fosters trust by creating a safe space for open communication and emotional sharing.

Limit social media

Using social media will likely hurt your self-esteem because it leads you to compare yourself with others’ successes and feel bad about yourself.

If your goal is to reduce feelings of jealousy and insecurity, taking a break from social media might be good.

Social media might not be the source of your relationship jealousy, but it’s probably not helping things. Jealousy is like a smoldering ember within, and social media can be the bellows that fan the flames. While social media isn’t the origin of jealousy, indulging in it can certainly add fuel to the fire.

Action Step: Take a proactive approach by unfollowing or muting accounts that frequently spark feelings of jealousy or inadequacy on your social media platforms.

You could also try the Chrome extension Newsfeed Eradicator, which replaces your social media feeds with inspirational quotes.

Understand your attachment style

Studies suggest^{1https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2936010/#:~:text=Some%20studies%20showed%20that%20differences,the%20secure%20attachment%20style%20%5B9%2C} that jealousy can be more prevalent in individuals with an anxious attachment style. They may constantly seek reassurance and fear abandonment, making them more susceptible to jealousy.

If you need more clarification on your attachment style, you can take our quiz to understand it better.

While it might seem counterintuitive, it can be helpful for an anxiously attached person to empower themselves by setting more healthy boundaries. This can create a sense of certainty in yourself and prevent overdependence on others.

Action step: Go out of your way to say “no” at least once this week. Maybe a friend asks you to help them move, or your partner asks you to cook dinner when you’re tired. Here are a few ways to say “no:”

• I wish I could, but I just don’t have the capacity right now
• I want so badly to say “yes,” but I’m practicing saying “no” right now
• My intuition is telling me no; I hope you understand
• I’m sorry, but I don’t have the bandwidth for this right now

Validate your feelings of jealousy

Jealousy is a natural human emotion. And it’s normal to feel jealous! About 4 out of 10 people^{2https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Descriptive-Statistics-for-Types-of-Jealousy-in-Men-and-Women-Men-Women_tbl1_266221243} in relationships feel the emotional impact of jealousy, and about 1 in 5 act out their jealousy.

Trying to push your feelings down won’t make them go away. It could cause them to get bigger or make you act out. 

When you validate your feelings, you are taking a vital step towards understanding the root causes of your jealousy and finding healthier ways to manage it.

Action Step: Here are a few affirmations to try out. Try saying them aloud and see how they feel. Some land better than others.

• “I sometimes experience jealousy in my relationship, and that’s okay.”
• “Jealousy is a normal emotion, and I can learn from it.”
• “I welcome my jealousy as part of my experience.”
• “I am grateful for the growth and learning from facing my jealousy.”

Be “vulnerageous”

Yes, you read that word correctly, “Vulnerageous.” Which means being courageous with your vulnerability.

If you feel jealous, it won’t help anyone if you say snide, biting comments. Or if you retreat from your partner and sulk. Or if you check their phone without asking them.

You’ll never work through the jealousy if you’re unwilling to open up to your partner and let them know when it’s happening.

The imperative is also for them to listen compassionately. But it starts with your honesty.

Action Step: Schedule a sit down with your partner and express your feelings of jealousy, insecurity, possessiveness, or anything else unsaid. 

It’s okay to say, “When you went out with friends, I felt jealous.” But be careful not to say, “You made me feel jealous when you went out with friends.” In these types of conversations, it’s best to try to own your emotions and avoid blaming your partner.

See if you can get on the same team and ask for their support in understanding and managing your jealousy.

Make requests for reassurance.

While your jealousy likely points to some healing and inner work that you can focus on, you don’t need to make it harder on yourself than necessary. 

You can request your partner to help mitigate jealousy when it comes up.

For example, maybe your partner is unwilling to give up their Thursday night salsa class, but perhaps they would be more than happy to text you halfway through the course with something like:

“Hey, baby! Class is going great. Remember that I love you, and I’m excited to bring the enthusiasm I’m getting from class back into our connection. See you soon 💕” 

Action Step: Talk with your partner to identify the main situations that cause you jealousy. Is there any reassurance they can give you to help you feel more safe and connected?

Cultivate “compersion”

There is a term in Buddhism called Mudita^{3https://tricycle.org/article/sharon-salzberg-sympathetic-joy/}. It’s a Pali word often translated as “sympathetic joy;” it describes the ability to take joy from others’ happiness. 

This is a valuable concept to practice. But in the case of jealousy, we can get even more specific. 

“Compersion” is a similar term often defined as “the opposite of jealousy.” It’s like the Buddhists’ sympathetic joy, except it pertains to the ability to take pleasure from the happiness your partner experiences with other people.

“Compersion is about feeling love for your partner as they enjoy something or someone else,” says sex therapist Rosara Torrisi^{4https://sextherapylongisland.com/is-compersion-the-missing-ingredient-in-your-relationship/}.

It’s not easy to generate feelings of compersion overnight—but just like cultivating feelings of Mudita, gratitude, or compassion, you can practice!

Action Step 1: Try this to cultivate Mudita for your partner. The next time your partner accomplishes something (whether a promotion or a new high score) that means something to them, plan a thoughtful celebration or surprise to express your genuine support and pride in their achievements.

Action Step 2: Here’s a compersion-based visualization to try:

• Pick someone in your partner’s life who you often feel jealous over. 
• Then, visualize that person transforming into a chair.
• Now, imagine your partner sitting next to you. 
• Imagine how much you love them, and tune into how you want them to be happy. 
• Imagine your partner leaving your side to go on a trip. Imagine them floating through space as you feel your love for them. 
• As they float along, imagine you can see their energy and happiness levels measured on a big battery inside them. What level are they at currently?
• Then imagine your partner sitting on the aforementioned chair for a few moments—as they sit on it, watch their internal battery get charged up with happiness, energy, and radiance. 
• Focus on the love you feel when you see your partner happy. Watch their battery fill up and their smile grow.
• Then imagine them floating back through the air, a little brighter than before, and sitting beside you.

Boost your self-esteem

Jealousy often arises from a sense of inadequacy or low self-esteem^{5https://www.apa.org/monitor/feb05/jealousy}. You may believe you’re not worthy of your partner’s attention or affection, leading to a fear that they might find someone better at any moment.

Or you might envy the other people your partner spends time with, fearing you’ll never be as good as them. This can be pretty common—nearly three-quarters of people^{6https://today.ucsd.edu/story/whos_the_enviest_of_them_all} feel envious of others.

Action Step: Ask 1-3 people in your life if they’d be willing to tell you what they perceive your strengths to be. When they tell you (or write it to you), please do your best to believe what they say and let it in.

Another fantastic way to boost your self-esteem is to set and achieve goals, building a sense of accomplishment and self-trust. If you’d like some ideas on how to select the right plans, you might enjoy this free guide:

Spend a minute in their shoes

Getting lost in our narrative can become relatively easy when we feel jealous. Your feelings are real, but it’s also important to come up for air and consider how your partner is feeling. Doing so brings more perspective and empathy and helps loosen jealousy’s grip on you.

Begin by putting yourself in your partner’s shoes to understand better their actions and emotions, which can reduce irrational jealousy. 

Action Step: When jealousy strikes, spend one minute making a voice memo where you explain the situation from your partner’s perspective. Speak in the first person and talk about their emotions. 

It might go something like: “I just left for my weekly salsa class. I feel excited to get in my body and have some fun. I recognize Chris might feel jealous right now, but I don’t want that to hold me back from enjoying myself, etc.”

Doing it as a voice memo is helpful because your phone acts as a witness, which can bolster the formality of the exercise.

You can also try this sharing exercise with your partner.

Get mindful

Increasing your capacity for mindfulness can help you spot and let go of jealousy sooner.

Action Step: Start your day with a five-minute mindfulness meditation. Focus on your breathing and your body sensations. If you notice jealousy, don’t try to push it away. Welcome the experience, and see what wonders it gives rise to.

Here is a nice guided mindfulness meditation on working with jealousy that you can test out:

Become self-sufficient

Sometimes, you might become jealousy-prone because you have become overly dependent on your partner.

If you rely on your partner to fulfill every need and to be your sole source of happiness, then you might believe you won’t be okay without them.

In such cases, over-dependency on your partner can lead to a heightened vulnerability to jealousy, as the fear of losing them magnifies. 

It’s essential to remember that healthy relationships thrive on interdependence, where both partners have their sources of fulfillment and well-being while also enjoying their bond.

Action Step: Take the initiative to plan and embark on a solo adventure or activity entirely for your enjoyment. It could be a weekend getaway, a day trip to explore a new place, or trying out an exciting new hobby.

Practice self-reflection

Dive into self-reflection to uncover the underlying causes of your jealousy, exploring if your jealousy stems from past relationships, personal insecurities, or fear of loss. 

Action Step: Dedicate 15 minutes to journaling your emotions and thoughts surrounding jealousy. Here are a few prompts to try out:

• What situations tend to evoke envy in me?
• What does my jealous voice want to say if I don’t filter it?
• Do these jealous thoughts and feelings remind me of my earlier experiences?

If you find it useful, try journaling on these topics more than once!

When you feel jealous, take breaths instead of action

In the heat of a jealous moment, sending a fiery text or saying something you’ll regret later can be easy.

When jealousy flares up, pausing and taking deep breaths instead of reacting impulsively can be hugely beneficial. 

Action Step: The next time you feel swept up with jealousy, remember these steps:

• Pause: Take a moment to pause and resist immediate reactions and urges.
• Breathe: Inhale deeply and exhale slowly for a count of 10, calming your emotions.
• ​​Consider the consequences: Consider the potential effects of impulsive actions driven by jealousy. How might it affect your relationship, your partner, and your well-being in the long run?
• Communicate: Engage in a calm and open conversation with your partner once you’ve gained clarity and composure.

Make your plans

If your partner has engagements that regularly induce jealousy, consider making your plans during those times.

That way, you’re not by yourself, storming around the house, obsessively overthinking. Instead, you might be playing a board game with friends.

If you take this step, be careful not to make plans to seek revenge or try to make your partner jealous but to occupy yourself and create more independence.

Action Step: The next time your partner has plans that might make you feel jealous, try to plan outings with friends or engage in a hobby at the same time.

Remember that your partner is not your possession

Jealousy can manifest as possessiveness, where you might want to control your partner’s actions and interactions, viewing them as your possession rather than an independent individual.

It’s essential to recognize that healthy relationships respect each person’s autonomy and individuality. No human belongs to another human.

Action Step: Whenever you feel possessive or controlling thoughts arising from jealousy, visualize releasing these feelings like helium balloons into the sky. Imagine watching them float away, letting you let go of possessiveness and embracing your partner’s independence.

Improve the relationship

Some forms of jealousy give rise to thoughts like, “How dare you have fun with other people!” 

In these cases, the root issue might be that you feel dissatisfied with the relationship. 

When your partner has fun with others, it might highlight your dissatisfaction and the fear this creates.

Action Step: Take a moment to introspect and identify what you want more of in your relationship. Whether it’s more adventures, deeper intimacy, or more transparent communication, clarifying your needs can pave the way for constructive conversations with your partner and positive changes in your connection.

Seek professional help

Your jealous feelings may stem from past experiences of betrayal, whether in previous relationships or childhood. Such trauma can create a deep-seated fear of betrayal in future relationships. 

If jealousy significantly impacts your well-being or relationship, it could support your mental health to explore therapy.

Action Step: Check out Psychology Today’s repository to find a therapist in your area.

Frequently Asked Questions About How to Not Be Jealous in a Relationship

Takeaways About How to Not Be Jealous in a Relationship

Jealousy is tricky to deal with, but there is a way forward. Just remember to try some of these steps:

1. Validate your feelings of jealousy: Acknowledge that feeling jealous is normal and the first step in understanding the underlying issues.
2. Be vulnerable: Practice courageous vulnerability by openly communicating your jealous feelings and worries to your partner.
3. Make requests for reassurance: Ask your partner for relief in situations that trigger your jealousy to ease your anxieties.
4. Cultivate compersion: Cultivate the ability to take joy in your partner’s happiness with others, known as “compersion.”
5. Spend a minute in their shoes: Empathize with your partner’s emotions and perspective when jealousy arises.
6. Remember your partner Is not your possession: Recognize that healthy relationships respect each person’s autonomy.

Best of luck on your journey of navigating jealousy. You got this!

And if you’d like some tips on how to deal with a more general sense of relationship anxiety, you might enjoy this article.