Deep conversations are the foundation for a thriving, lasting relationship. As two people get to know each other more, their ties deepen.
But it’s not uncommon to run out of things to talk about with your significant other. When you’re looking for something to talk about with your girlfriend, it’s crucial to understand the underlying dynamics of female communication.
Asking questions and listening to your girlfriend’s responses can make her open up to you and like her more.
Here are 55 topics to talk to her about, plus how to keep the conversation going.
What Should I Talk About with My Girlfriend?
The best things to talk about with your girlfriend are personal, emotional, and unique. They should focus on discovering more about what makes her uniquely her. Keep the conversation flowing by keeping the focus on her. This will allow her to open up and feel more connected to you.
A woman’s brain is hardwired to love talking about herself. Dopamine is released every time she gets to disclose information about her inner longings, feelings, or opinions.
Becoming a master conversationalist is like having the key to a woman’s heart.
What is that key? Expressing genuine interest in HER.
Pro Tip: If you want to keep conversation flowing, remember to build bridges, not walls. Bridges lead to more conversation topics and deeper discussions. Walls end conversations at the surface level by failing to inquire more about what the other person is saying.
- Create Conversation Bridges: No matter what topic you choose, remember to think of everything your girlfriend says to you as a bridge. Each comment, answer, or question is an opportunity for you to cross over into more profound conversation points.
- Avoid “Walls” (Conversation Killers): One or two-word answers can dampen a conversation and prevent deeper intimacy.
55 Topics to Talk about with Your Girlfriend
As you dive into more profound subjects, remember to tune into what a girl is feeling. If you can get a woman to talk about things she feels strongly about, she will likely feel more intimately connected to you. These topics dig into the inner workings of her mind, motivations, opinions, and more.
#1 Her passions
What is your girlfriend most excited about in life? What are her dreams, goals, and ambitions? What hobbies or subjects is she super enthusiastic about? If you’ve been dating a while, you probably already know a few things that she is passionate about.
The important thing is to explore further the motivations and history behind it. What is it about the specific interest that lights her up? How did she first discover her passion? If she hasn’t found her passion yet, what interests is she exploring?
- Ask: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
#2 Things you have in common
Finding common ground is a core building block for any relationship. Psychologists have found that people are fundamentally motivated to find a shared sense of reality.
In other words, people want to focus more on their similarities than differences. When you first met and fell in love, you probably bonded over shared interests. Keep that flame burning by bringing up your common likes or dislikes.
- Ask: What do you think are our most considerable similarities?
#3 Interesting things that happened to her that day (rose, bud thorn)
Sometimes, simple daily experiences can source intriguing or lighthearted conversation. Ask your girlfriend: What were your rose, thorn, and bud? The rose is the best thing that happened, the thorn is a negative thing, and the bud is a new goal or insight she had.
You can repeat the rose-bud-thorn conversation every day if you’d like. Some couples even add “spaghetti” to the mix, which symbolizes the weirdest or most unusual thing.
- Ask: What’s the most exciting thing that happened to you today?
#4 What you like about her
Who doesn’t love to be flattered by their significant other? Make your woman smile and blush by digging deeper into the specific things you like about her. Why are you with her? What first caught your eye? What gets you most excited to see her every day?
- Fill in the blank: You know what I like most about you? I love _____.
#5 Her biggest goals
When people have something to work towards, they feel more motivated and inspired daily. Learning about your girlfriend’s upcoming or overall life goals is a great way to show that you support her in her endeavors. Ask her about her career goals, personal goals, or even fitness and health goals.
- Ask: What’s your big goal this year?
#6 Hobbies she has had in the past
Childhood interests or past hobbies are intriguing ways to understand your girlfriend’s journey to where she is now. What hobbies did she previously enjoy? Why doesn’t she do them anymore?
- Ask: What were you like as a child?
#7 Hobbies she wants to try
Many women have hobbies or creative interests that they’d like to try but haven’t had the time or means to do so. Referencing possible things she wants to try can help get you both excited about the future. You never know; this could give you an idea for a thoughtful date night.
- Ask: What hobby have you always wanted to try?
#8 Her habits and daily routines
Understanding your girlfriend’s behind-the-scenes routine gives insight into how she likes to structure her life. Maybe she is the type who makes tea every morning or prefers to write in her journal every night.
Perhaps this will spark a thoughtful small gift idea. You also know a bit more about her daily schedule, which means you can send her a sweet perfectly-timed text just before she gets to work, or you can call her during her lunch break.
- Ask: What is her daily routine? What is her favorite nighttime ritual?
#9 What kind of flowers does she like
Roses are a classic gift to let your lady know you’re thinking about her. But nothing quite compares to the thoughtfulness of buying her a bouquet of unique flowers she loves.
- Ask: What is her favorite type of flower? Why does she like that flower so much?
#10 A book that’s changed her life
Research shows that physically attractive women tend to be most attracted to intellectual men. Books are the hallmark of an intelligent conversation. Even if you aren’t a huge reader, finding out if she has read any particularly transformative books can open up some scholarly discussions.
You may even have a book at your house that she’s interested in reading or vice-versa. Whether it’s a novel, a memoir, or a non-fiction book, you may be able to bond over your interest in learning about new things through reading.
- Ask: Have you read a book that has changed your life somehow? What book was it and why?
#11 Things that make her feel alive
Life is precious and fleeting in more ways than one. Yet amidst all the stressors of modern lifestyles, many people forget to prioritize the things that genuinely make them feel excited to keep going. It also helps to know if your girlfriend prefers exhilarating, spontaneous experiences or calmer, peaceful moments.
- Ask: What makes you feel alive? What gets your heart pumping? What gives you butterflies in your stomach?
#12 Her communication style
Good communication is the basis for any healthy relationship. Yet so many people don’t notice precisely how their partner likes to communicate. Do they shut down when they’re upset? Are they extra talkative when they’re excited? Do you prefer to solve problems at the moment or let things simmer down before discussing them?
- Ask: What is your communication style in the _______ scenario? How would you prefer for me to react?
You can avoid many conflicts and forge a deeper connection with your girlfriend by discovering exactly how she likes communicating with you and others. Take this Charisma Diagnostic quiz with your girlfriend to learn more about how each of you corresponds.
#13 Personality test results
Many women love to take personality quizzes and analyze their accuracy. For a fun activity together, take our free personality quiz with your girlfriend to learn more about how each of you ranks for the big five personality traits. This will help you learn more about her intrinsic features, social habits, what she enjoys, and what might stress her out.
- Ask: Do you know your personality type? Want to take a quiz with me to find out both of ours?
#14 How she likes to receive affection
Many relationships suffer because a partner doesn’t know precisely what it takes for his woman to feel loved. For example, the partner may shower her with gifts but rarely set aside quality time for them to be alone. Bridging this gap is crucial for preventing miscommunications.
Bringing up her preferred “language” for affection shows that you have emotional intelligence. You demonstrate that you’re invested in the relationship and want to show her affection in a way that makes her feel valued.
- Ask: What makes you feel the most loved? How can I show you more affection? Do you prefer thoughtful gifts, quality time, or verbal compliments?
#15 Her favorite coffee order
Is she a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte-type girl? Or does she prefer a classic latte with almond milk? You’ll want to know your girl’s favorite drink order next time you pick up a morning coffee and wish to surprise her.
- Ask: What’s your favorite thing to order at a coffee shop?
#16 The type of music she likes for different occasions
Music is an impactful way to bond with someone. After all, the soundtrack to our lives profoundly affects our mood, motivation, and memories. But the music she likes to listen to in the mornings may be different than her favorite tunes on a Friday night. Try making a collaborative playlist together with each of your favorite songs for a date night vibe or a morning workout pump.
- Ask: What genres and artists does she enjoy most? When does she listen to different types of music?
#17 Her most significant role models
Find out who your girlfriend looks up to and who inspired her to become the type of woman she is today. Role models may be family members, celebrities, authors, or historical figures. You can follow up with questions about the character traits she most admires in that person or ways in which she’d like to follow in their footsteps.
- Ask: Who is your biggest role model?
#18 What her dream career is
Asking your girlfriend about her dream job tells you more about what she values in her work. Her career aspirations may surprise you or inspire you to learn about specific paths. You can also dig deeper into her motivations behind the work. This shows her that you support her dreams.
- Ask: What is your dream career? Do you believe in the old saying, “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life”?
#19 Her intimate preferences
Intimacy is a hot topic that can be steamy or emotional. This can be a great discussion to have at night time. You can give her the space to communicate more about her feelings around intimacy, what she likes or doesn’t like, and what she feels comfortable with. She may appreciate that you want her to feel safe and satisfied in your intimate experiences.
- Ask: What do you like most when it comes to intimacy?
#20 Where she wants to travel
Dream vacations and destinations are exciting to fantasize about. During this conversation, you may want to look up photos of beautiful places she wants to visit.
Ask: Where have you always wanted to travel? What draws you to that specific part of the world (Food? Scenery? Culture? Language?) Are you more into backpacking and hostels, or do you prefer planes and resorts?
#21 Where she wants to live
Staying with the theme of favorite places, almost every woman has idealized a specific location where she would love to live one day. Has she dreamed of living by the beach or in the mountains? Does she visualize herself in a big house or a little cottage?
She will probably be quite impressed by your willingness to dig into the details. You may even want to share your visualizations of a place you’d love to put down roots.
- Ask: Where have you always wanted to live?
#22 Her favorite TV shows
If your girlfriend watches TV, the shows she chooses say a lot about her. Does she like romance, comedy, sci-fi, or reality TV? Does she like to watch Netflix occasionally, or does she prefer going to the movies instead? Talking about your favorite shows can help you strike a balance on your next date night.
- Ask: What’s your favorite show to watch?
#23 Her favorite things
One of the most accessible conversation starters is finding your girlfriend’s preferences.
Ask: What’s your favorite color, season, holiday, or animal? Here are 257 questions to ask about her interests.
#24 Her idea of romance
In new relationships, it’s often hard to feel what type of romantic connections the other person longs for. Does she love The Notebook-style romance? Does she like late-night conversations or dancing to oldies music by candlelight? What about a homemade dinner with glasses of wine?
- Ask: What is your idea of romance?
Show her your soft side by finding out what her dream romantic fantasy entails. Use it as inspiration for a passionate date night.
#25 What worries her
It’s helpful to know what causes worry in your girlfriend’s life. While it should never be your responsibility to fix her problems, it helps to understand what triggers any feelings of anxiety or stress, so you don’t take things personally.
For example, if she doesn’t enjoy crowds and you notice her being unusually silent in a public place, you can more easily navigate the situation without misunderstanding.
- Ask: What worries you or stresses you out? How can I help in those scenarios?
#26 What helps her relax and de-stress
On the flip side, it is beneficial to know how to help your lady relax in times of stress. Does she like herbal tea? Yoga? Going for a walk in nature? Getting a massage or spa day?
Being able to read when your girlfriend is stressed, empathize with her emotions, and help overcome the situation are all signs of impeccable emotional intelligence. Show her that you are in tune with her feelings and don’t want to add extra stress to her life.
- Ask: What is your favorite thing to do when you need to relax and de-stress?
#27 How she deals with conflict
Understanding how your girlfriend reacts to minor (or major) altercations can be super helpful for healthily resolving conflict.
If something goes wrong at work, does she prefer to take a break or trudge forward to knock it out? If she has a miscommunication with a friend or family member, does she need time to be silent and reflect, or does she typically talk through the conflict at the moment? What does she do to de-escalate tense situations?
- Ask: How do you deal with conflict?
#28 Your families
When you’re in a long-term relationship, you will meet your significant other’s family at some point. If you haven’t already, ask her about her family: Where are they from? Who is she closest to? Does she have siblings?
You can feel more connected to each other by talking about each of your families and your upbringing. However, remember that people in new relationships may want to avoid too many details about relatives.
- Ask: Will you tell me about your family? (You can also start talking about your family.)
#29 Her favorite childhood memories
Fun childhood memories can evoke pleasant nostalgia and cute storytelling opportunities. Ask your girlfriend what she enjoyed most as a kid.
Ask: What were your favorite childhood memories?
Keep in mind that you may also want to tread this topic lightly. Pay close attention to hints that someone may have had a rough childhood that they don’t like to discuss. Keep things upbeat and focused on the good, and notice if she begins to use short 1-2 word answers or uncomfortable body language cues that may indicate it’s time for another topic.
#30 Her past relationships
This is a topic you may not want to bring up until you’ve been dating for a more extended period. Nonetheless, it is an important topic because it can help you unpack what didn’t work for her in previous relationships so that you can potentially build a healthier relationship together.
In past relationships, were her needs met? What did her exes lack? Does she have trust issues or inhibitions about commitment because of something? This can be a sensitive topic, so approach it lightly by giving her room to talk but not probing for too much information.
- Ask: What was your experience in past relationships?
#31 What makes her excited
Some people are excited by surprises and adventures, while others are more stoked on chill date nights and the anticipation of upcoming plans. See what excites your girlfriend so you can cater to your plans accordingly.
- Ask: What makes you excited?
#32 Her biggest fear
Fear is a universally powerful emotion that gives you insight into someone’s inner world. Your significant other may fear heights, snakes, or the dark. Maybe she is claustrophobic or fears being publicly embarrassed in a social scenario. Open this conversation by being a bit more vulnerable about your fears, and it may inspire her to do the same.
- Ask: What’s your biggest fear?
#33 What makes her feel safe
It is human nature to desire a feeling of safety. To continue the conversation around fear, find out what makes your girlfriend feel the safest. Does she find safety in spirituality or physical reminders of safety? Does she know self-defense, or does she prefer for her partner to help her feel protected?
- Ask: What makes you feel safe?
#34 Spiritual or religious beliefs
If you’re really in the mood for some deep discussions with a woman you have come to know intimately, spiritual ideas can reveal a whole different side of someone. As you open up discussions about religion and spirituality, remember to maintain an open mind. Approach this topic of conversation with curiosity rather than trying to compare your beliefs to each other.
- Ask: What are your spiritual beliefs?
#35 Beliefs about the afterlife
Whether someone is religious or spiritual, they probably have an idea about what they think happens after death. Share your perspectives on life after death as well.
- Ask: Do you believe in reincarnation? Where do you think souls go when people die? Do you believe in angels or ghosts?
#36 Fate versus chance
Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, but do they happen by chance or fate?
- Ask: Do you think we met for a reason? What do you think about fate?
#37 Finding purpose in life
Finding a greater purpose in life helps people feel like what they do is meaningful. Talk about how each of you finds meaning in your daily experiences.
- Ask: How do you find purpose in your daily life?
#38 Friendship and her friends
Friends are some of the most critical relationships in our lives. There are so many science-backed benefits of friendship, and a woman’s friends say a lot about the type of people she values in her life. As you become more significant parts of each other’s lives, her friends will inevitably be part of your circle.
- Ask: What do you look for in a friendship? Who are you closest to?
Gratitude is scientifically proven to make you happier and more satisfied with life.
Ask your girlfriend what she’s grateful for and share your daily gratitude expressions. If you feel thankful for her presence in your life, remind her over coffee or breakfast.
- Ask: I’m so grateful for _______. What are you grateful for?
#40 Health and wellness
Shared health and fitness goals are a great way to bond together. Whether it’s cooking healthy meals or going to the gym together, are there any healthy practices you can enjoy? What is your significant other’s outlook on health and wellness?
- Ask: What’s your favorite healthy meal or workout routine?
#41 The future
Seeing a future with someone is a vital part of building a life together. If you were to plan a life together in the future, where might you want to live? Would she want kids? Keep things hypothetical, but inquire into potential future ideas.
- Ask: What are your plans for the future?
Pro Tip: Don’t start talking about plans until you have been with your girlfriend for some time. This can be quite a turn-off in the early stages of a relationship. You don’t want to make her feel like things are getting too serious, too quickly. But if she mentions something about her plans in a previous conversation, you might be able to bring up a future together safely.
#42 Her favorite smells that evoke nostalgia
Scents and aromas are potent triggers for specific memories. For example, the smell of lavender may remind her of her grandmother’s garden. The aroma of incense might make her think of her favorite meditation or yoga class. Or the smell of gingerbread could evoke a feeling of nostalgia for her childhood holiday memories.
Maybe she remembers a particular smell from your first date, like the cologne you wore or the Italian restaurant you visited.
- Ask: What’s your favorite smell? What memory does it bring back?
#43 Her favorite food
Who doesn’t love to eat? It’s nice to know what foods your girlfriend loves the taste of.
- Ask: What did you grow up eating or cooking? What was your favorite meal that your mom or grandma cooked? If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
#44 The best meal she’s ever had
Keep the food conversation going by reminiscing on the best meals you have tasted. This could bring up some pleasant memories of cooking or vacation with people you love.
- Ask: What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?
#45 Dietary restrictions or allergies
This one is as practical as it is interesting. Ask your girlfriend how she prefers to eat.
- Ask: Do you have any dietary restrictions? Are you vegan or vegetarian? Are you allergic to anything? Do you avoid gluten, dairy, soy, or another ingredient?
When you care about someone, you want to be sure that you don’t accidentally put them in danger or buy them food that comprises their dietary preferences. This question shows that you care about her well-being. It will also give you clues about restaurants to visit or meals to cook when you’re together.
#46 The most romantic movie she’s ever seen
What girl doesn’t enjoy a lovely romance story? Movies have a clear impact on the way women perceive romantic relationships. Is she a fan of Crazy, Stupid, Love; The Notebook; or a classic Romeo and Juliet? What was her favorite part of the movie?
- Ask: What’s your favorite romantic movie?
#47 Connection with nature
Nature can be healing and connecting on so many levels. Find out if your girlfriend enjoys trees, birds, or certain natural areas. You may get some ideas for a hiking or camping date.
- Ask: How do you like to connect to nature?
#48 DIY projects that intrigue her
Whether building something, decorating a room, or crafting herbal personal care products, do-it-yourself projects are a fun way to experiment with making new things. Ask your girlfriend if she’s ever tried any DIY projects or if there are any she wants to try.
- Ask: Have you ever tried a DIY project?
#49 Artistic expressions and creative outlets
Creative outlets say a lot about how someone thinks and what inspires them. Is your girlfriend drawing to painting, music, drawing, writing, or some other form of creativity? Do your creative interests overlap?
- Ask: What’s your creative outlet?
#50 Opinion on political issues
Politics are typically a touchy topic, but once you have been dating someone for a while, it helps to know where they stand. Approach this conversation with an open mind and plenty of questions to show you’re interested in her opinions, even if they don’t align with your own.
- Ask: What’s your opinion on _______?
#51 Her ideal date night
For a more romantic conversation, ask her what would make the perfect date night, in her opinion. Does she enjoy the traditional dinner date or something more adventurous like a waterfall hike and picnic? Whatever it is, take some mental notes for future dates!
- Ask: What’s your dream date night?
#52 How would she spend a perfect day
The perfect day scenario is a lively discussion that magnifies what brings each of you joy. Go through each part of a day and talk about what would make the perfect morning, afternoon, and evening in her opinion.
- Ask: If you were to plan the perfect day, how would you spend it?
#53 Your feelings
In our society, men typically learned to keep their feelings under wraps. But expressing your deeper emotions doesn’t necessarily indicate weakness.
Studies show that women are more attracted to vulnerable men, including expressing romantic feelings, taking responsibility for mistakes, or asking for help. This can build more emotional intimacy and connection.
- Say: I feel _______ about you. I love the way you ________.
#54 Ask for her advice
Seeking advice or help from your girlfriend shows that you trust her and truly value her opinion. If you have something going on in your life that you’d like to find a solution to, try asking her what she would do in a given situation.
- Ask: What’s your advice on ______? How would you handle this situation?
#55 What makes her feel appreciated
Showing appreciation is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship dynamic. If your girlfriend regularly cooks for you or supports you in your endeavors, you’ll want to know how you can return the favor by making her feel appreciated.
Does she like when her boss publicly praises her at work? Or does she feel more appreciated when she gets a friendly handwritten letter from a friend or family member?
- Ask: What makes you feel appreciated?
Learn Great Conversation
Focusing on self-improvement can help you grow as a person and achieve your goals. Engaging in meaningful conversations with your girlfriend is a great way to work on self-improvement. To help you with that, check out our free toolbox:
Communicate With Confidence
Do you struggle with small talk? Do you often run out of things to say or feel awkward and self-conscious in social situations? Our Conversation Mastery Course teaches you the secrets of master conversationalists and gives you the skills you need to have confident, engaging, and captivating conversations with anyone, anywhere.
Key Takeaways: The Best Things to Talk About with Your GF are Deep and Inquisitive
Having romantic or deep discussions with women doesn’t need to be rocket science. The secret to an exciting conversation is asking questions that get your significant other talking about herself. Express interest in her values and opinions as you learn more about her perspective on life. Remember to:
- Open with fun things: When you’re first getting to know a woman, the lighthearted conversations about her favorite things, interests, hobbies, and ideas are the most specific topics to approach. You don’t want to start a date night with a daunting (or nosey) question that might come across as “too much, too quick.”
- Be open and vulnerable: The more you are willing to share about yourself, the more she will feel safe to do the same. The best conversations are mutually expressive and include questions from both ends. While you want to keep the focus on her at first, don’t be afraid to express your views as well.
- Pay attention to how she responds to personal questions: As you get to know each other more, you may want to explore more profound personal questions about spirituality, politics, childhood, family, and the like. But it’s essential to notice if your girlfriend’s energy shifts when you bring up these topics. Pay attention to her body language and the length of her answers (short or abrupt responses often indicate it’s time to change the case).
- Don’t force it: If a conversation isn’t flowing naturally between you, there are thousands of other things to discuss. Keep our conversation starter app handy in your pocket, or make a mental list of juicy questions you want to ask her.
Deep conversations help keep the romance alive. Here are 36 Deep Questions to Ask Your Significant Other So You Can Truly Know Them.